[newtus]

ive realized just how much im unable to deal with reality. like he outside world. im not really talking about stress. but the everyday or minor/major stuff/events that happen to just about everyone...idk how how to deal with it and when time comes i literally cannot deal mentally with it.

stuff like jobs..jury duty..school..dealing with the law...dealing with making friends...people my age..bosses...my disability stuff...even doctors of any kind...making appts for stuff...shopping for clothes even food i get SO confused over the process of how do i pay...i get nervous to the point where ill starve because i get scared and confused...ETC...i just cant do it man...

is this me? is thisy illness?
i just cant do stuff cognitiely or something idk man

[newtus]

seriously though im being told by family that i just need to do it or get coping skills or dont worry. im not really worried unless something bad comes from not knowing something.

what im starting to be afraid of is why i cant do stuff cognitvely or something. i mean my memory and understanding is compeletely shot for one. i feel very dumb. this realization is stressing me out and scaring me. im started to get very very scare and stressed and depressed about this. because somethig happened to me that i cannot talk about. i just cannot handle reality as in everyday things. god most people dont know how lucky they are that they can shop and eat out and all this stuff. just everyday stuff. and more.

im feeling pretty suicidal right now. dont tell me to goto a hospital. i just hope someone comments.

[newtus]

would it be smart to make my parent my...idk what you call it when someone makes the decisions for you as a caretaker...would it be smart to have my 1 parent my w/e you call it?

edit// gaurdianship

[FireBird]

Please don't be suicidal, Newtus. I can't deal with life as well. I stress over the little and big things. I can't deal with anything. I have recently had stressors. My mom had major realistic surgery, on my dad's birthday (June 13) there was a heart attack scare (don't worry it turned out it was nothing), we had a rat infestation, my computer failed and needed another motherboard and it didn't totally fix the problem, my computer is still crashing/ freezing, we needed another car, etc. I find it hard to make friends as well. I have 3 of them. But I haven't made a new friend that I talk to all the time for many years now. Its my same 3 friends. I also feel braindead. I don't think your IQ is low, but mine is. In fact its been tested between 78-85 depending on the test. My brother has this awful saying to say to every single life situation (mainly bad things), "It is what it is." To me that saying means, "uncaring, who cares lets blow off the situation... who cares if we just lost everything and everyone in our family." I am in the same exact situation as you that life is too difficult to deal with and feeling dumb. Don't worry you are not alone.

[FireBird]

I don't know a lot about guardianship but I believe if they have that power then you have no rights anymore or make your own decisions if you had to. You would have no freedom of choice. Technically my mom isn't in a guardian (she just acts like one), but she is my official caregiver. You can have you parent as a caregiver and if you are still dependent on them they can still make some decisions. My mom had to take classes on how to be a caregiver. She also gets paid to do it. How disabled are you? That would determine how many hours your parent would get. But to be honest in my area, it is hard to get into the program and there isn't one that focuses on mental illness only. In fact a lot of their questions are about aging. However, they do a mental status exam. They do ask if you hallucinate. There is a yearly assessment to see if the amount of hours changed.

[newtus]

my Iq is prob average.

but im seriously unable to truly handle most things. i thought i was overreacting once until i got into a situation recently and i just...i cant even say but its like..
i cant even...
i just..
im very paranoid right now..
i cant even..
just...idk..

i stopped my meds but they werent helping worth crap anyway. literally. i think i feel worse now off them but i felt worse on them too. so? yea...
my voices are starting to spring up. im under new stressors that i literally cant deal with. seriously...i just..idk

#1 i shouldve never said anything on roll call cause i cant really say anything.
#2 the thing is is that overall im getting worse. im desperately posting here because im about to hit a rock bottom i think again.

one time i thought about what would i do if i ever got to the point of complete incapacitation. my cognitive abilities have been slipping severely. and im just so scared...and i have no one to talk to.

[FireBird]

Don't worry, I'm sure that there are others (besides myself) that are willing to help you. I know that you said your meds didn't help but then you admitted that your voices are returning. This proves you need your meds. The stressors are also making you worse, besides going off the pills. How did you feel worse ON the pills? Do they destroy your creativity? To be honest I don't like my pills either because they have caused me to gain a lot of weight and I am always, always tired on them. In fact I have to sleep sometimes more than 14 hours a day. That is if I am able to (meaning I don't have any appointments earlier). Otherwise its closer to 12 hours. And even the 14 hours isn't long enough. Now to some people that means they have had too much sleep. But when I get up when it would have equaled 6-8 hours of sleep then I am so tired that I literally can't get out of bed. Not even opening my eyes. So, I understand why the pills can be bad. But it sounds like you are far more severe than I am. Your voices especially. Did the meds help with the voices? Did the meds help with the paranoia or delusions?

[newtus]

Originally Posted by FireBird

it sounds like you are far more severe than I am

how is that?


and the meds brought on new voices. now since ive been on them and off them now im hearing voices. i believe the meds brought voices that are NOW stuck with me.

[newtus]

i was already having them but while i was on meds they seemed to get worse. i believe the meds made them worse idk.

the meds didnt even touch my paranoia.

[fishsandwich]

Oh, I'm sorry you're having a tough time. I don't think it's just you, though -- that stuff is very stressful to deal with for people who are supposedly "well".

One thought about guardianship -- it's better if you don't sign it away yourself, because you can't normally change your mind about it easily. Most countries will have a system whereby somebody else takes guardianship of you automatically if you lose mental capacity to deal with your life, but you then get the control back if/when you become better.

[costello]

Newtus, you sound exactly like my son. Exactly. He has a lot of trouble coping with "normal" things too. But right now he's on an upswing, and he seems to be doing better. Not fantastic, but better. I believe things will continue to improve for him. And they can for you too. But you really have to stop this thing where you go on medication for a week or two then quit suddenly. You seriously need to get effective help. As far as I can tell you aren't getting effective help right now.

Personally I think you'd benefit from being on medication right now. Then you need to get help putting your life back together. I ran across a peer support group in the Dallas/Fort Worth area recently. If I could find it again, would you be interested in contacting them?

[costello]

Here's that organization: http://thehopeconceptwellnesscenter....m/Welcome.html

Don't know exactly what services they provide, but they're people you can talk to in your area who might at least be able to direct you to services.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by costello

Here's that organization: http://thehopeconceptwellnesscenter....m/Welcome.html

Don't know exactly what services they provide, but they're people you can talk to in your area who might at least be able to direct you to services.

what do they do?

[costello]

Originally Posted by newtus

what do they do?

I don't know. You might call them and find out.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by costello

...But you really have to stop this thing where you go on medication for a week or two then quit suddenly. You seriously need to get effective help. As far as I can tell you aren't getting effective help right now.

Personally I think you'd benefit from being on medication right now...

its just i think the meds brought on more voices. ever since i started taking it evn though i stopped ive been hearing voices like crazy.

i took it last night again my meds but i was hearing tons of voices. one telling me im not reallly the age i am and then one saying "shhh!" to te rest and they were all talking to each other about me.

[costello]

Originally Posted by newtus

its just i think the meds brought on more voices. ever since i started taking it evn though i stopped ive been hearing voices like crazy.

i took it last night again my meds but i was hearing tons of voices. one telling me im not reallly the age i am and then one saying "shhh!" to te rest and they were all talking to each other about me.

Can you talk to the pdoc about changing meds?

[newtus]

Originally Posted by costello

Can you talk to the pdoc about changing meds?

yea im calling today
i believe it was the meds.
could it have been stress though? maybe

*hugs* You'll be okay.

[Gr3tta]

one thing i know about guardianship is that it is very very very hard to undo later if you change your mind, or if your health or circumstances change. if there is someone in your life that you would trust with your guardianship, it might be better just to ask them for their help and advice when you are uncertain, rather than giving them legal guardianship.

[newtus]

i only have one person i trust with my life and more. they are a senior citizen its my father.

i was jw. i most likely will not go through with it. its too late i feel and hes the only one id ever trust with my life. hes also my best friend.

[newtus]

BTW>>>
im thinking of attending school again. just 1 class. ive been in college for 4 years now. ive taken near 50 hours and only earned maybe 6. thats only two passed classes out of maybe 20+ taken. ive taken 4 at time - 3 and then 2...maybe ill try just 1 now.
idk whats making me want to keep doing school so bad. i love learning but man...

1. i can barely do it with cant be able to pay attention and cant remember very well.
2. the stress is what causes me to go into episodes. severe ones.

but i want to go...
i would do it online.
idk what to do. i only have 4 more days to figure out what to do.

[fishsandwich]

Is there any way you can take just a half unit in a subject you really like/are good at? If you did that, do you think you'd be able to cope better?

[newtus]

thats a good idea.
thanks! i need to get right on it becuase the slots might be taken up

[fishsandwich]

Go go, student Newtus! /not watching Inspector Gadget at all, no sir and ma'am

[newtus]

i signed up for an elective that would go towards my degree if i ever got one.