Just Thinking

The nurse said I won't push medication, ever since she said it, we keep talking about it.
It must be a nurse thing, because that is like what my ex nurse said.

The new Dr, she seems ok.
The nurse, she says its ok I don't trust her yet, I think she might be undercover.

My ex psychologist said don't cancel and the nurse seems to be ok to me.

Anyway meds, I don't know what to do, it did make me less anxious or maybe it was less alert, she said if I take it for a while it will help, but she thinks I'm scared of things that aren't really happening - why would I be though and I have showed her proof.

It's like a cover up, is that why the meds are important, I'm not totally saying mind control, but more to shut me up - until my "accident"

There are a lot of people going through this and they can't all be ill, it's all to similar as well.

I've decided on No.
I thought about it like she said and its not what I want.

Sounds like the meds are helping you not be so anxious and hyper-alert of things that may be more in your mind than in reality. That would be a good thing, right? You've never really given meds a lasting chance. Seems like you try them for a few weeks and quit before they have had a lasting chance to make some real long-term improvement for you. Sure hope you'll consider meds so you don't have to spend all your time worrying about things that you just don't really need to be so anxious about. That isn't mind control. That is having some actual control over your symptoms so you can live a calmer and more secure life. Wouldn't that be a better option than constantly living in such fear and anxiety?

I've taken them for a while before, I felt a bit better then quit them.
I don't want to rely on meds to keep my anxiety down, but I do want things to change.

When I asked her why she didn't believe me, she said because she has seen this before, but I'm telling her things that are true. She has seen video evidence, the helicopter following us and she is still telling me how meds will help me see this isn't really happening.

I don't understand

Hi Kureha,

I used to have an issue similar to you with what I thought were bad people after me, and I also believed I had proof.

I first want to ask you a question. You say that other people are experiencing these things. Who are these other people? Are they friends of yours in real life, or just something you've come across other places such as online? Also the helicopter you say was following "us" do you mean you and the nurse or other people you know? And the video evidence is that something you have yourself, or did friends make it for you?

I am asking these questions because I had friends purposefully "play along" with my false-beliefs and act like they believed things and could see things I could see. When it was all just a lie. They did this because they thought I was a joke, which is terrible. Obviously these people are not my friends now. But I didn't learn this painful truth for many years after, and instead of getting the help I desperately needed, I was left to suffer with my fear.

I'd like to see you get better, I know you're very scared and I get it. I was very scared, too, thinking they were going to kill me. But those people weren't real, and what hurts more is knowing that the people I trusted didn't care enough to help me when I needed them.

Well I was walking with my nurse we were outside about 30 minutes and for about 25 of them we were followed by a helicopter.
I got good videos from my house, but it didn't seem to help.

I have 1 friend that believes me and the same is happening to her, we have seen them together and I've had people contact me on YouTube.

What you are saying about some of your friends though, I think 1 of mine is like that, but doing it because he wants us to get together and it's not going to happen.
He is like - yeah I believe you and going along with things I say, but then stuff like he's not stalking you, so he's just annoying me and I don't trust him.

Sorry your friends were like that.

I really do have proof though, maybe I should have showed my new Dr.

Decided to stop being friends with one of my friends, he's an alcoholic - the sleeper cells are clever and I'm sure he would do anything for free drink.

Well, I just hope you stay safe and start to feel better. I know how it feels to be scared that way and it's not something I would wish on anyone.

Thanks

Looks like I was right about my friend as well.

I'm just really anxious - l want to call the police, I know some are involved, but there isn't anyone else.

meds help man. you wont be so scared all the time, its nice

i hope you take them.

i thought i was jesus and the antichrist. i was against meds too. but eventually they helped me to be normal again. i take them every day now. if you are psychotic you can make really bad choices you wouldnt make if you were on meds.. i hope you at least think about taking them. you have to be on them for awhile until they help. GOOD LUCK! take them for us..

Thanks, I'm glad the meds helped you

It's just I know it's true, it's like a cover up, but I see my nurse on Monday, so we'll be talking about it then.

My nurse cancelled, I wanted to tell her something, so she is coming tomorrow, because my dad called her.
I don't want to talk to her, I think she is undercover - I wouldn't think that for no reason.

The thing is if she is with me when I talk to the police, they have more chance of believing me.

Cover ups though, it's like they have everyone involved - gang stalking is real.
If I wasnt assaulted, I wouldn't go and tell the police I was, so why would I lie about gang stalking and over and over again.

I don't understand - they are just going to watch me die.
It's like we live in a different world

Well according to Jerry - Mind Control isn't a crime, so it's fine for them to spray my brain all over the pavement.

It didn't seem ok for me to send emails a few months ago or to ask a stalker why he is stalking me or as my nurse would call harass people.

My ex psychologist was right about the police.

I think my nurse is right - maybe it would be better if I was dead.

There is no one on my side

No, it won't be better to be dead. Don't give up. You're just in a very scary place and I know it's hard to be in that place. You can get to a place that's not scary and you're safe.

Thanks - it's just I've had enough and since it's my life - I'd rather decide than let them - I'm scared though, I've been thinking about suicide since Saturday night.

My nurse said I have an overvalued idea - here is what that means, it's from this site -

An unusual preoccupation which will yield to strong evidence disproving it.
Example: A woman falsely believes herself unusually unattractive. Her self-criticism relents when she’s on a date, but readily returns.

She thinks it's an important as not being able to get a date WTF and she thinks I'm copying Call of Duty - because I mentioned drones, but what does it have to do with gang stalking.

I'm going to attempt to talk to them next week - I just need to get used to the idea first.

What idea are you trying to get used to?

I think the example is just an example, it doesn't mean that she thinks what you are going through is as insignificant as a date.

I don't think you're copying Call of Duty. The things you say don't remind me of that at all. Do you play that game? She may just be linking it just because she has her own beliefs about games.

Don't hurt yourself, okay? You say you want to decide and not them. But, that would not be good. Don't give up.

Costello - I just want to be ready when I talk to them - I don't want to run away if they do send someone - I think they will just send a stalker though - because they are more expendable.

Dark_heart_x - Yeah it's just when I looked it up, I saw that and another example was someone with anorexia thinking they are fat - I just don't think she should compare those things with gang stalking.

Thank you - the first Call of Duty I played was christmas 2009 - I've been talking about this since this time 2008 - but I still don't see the COD - Gang Stalking similarity.

Thanks - I just want it to stop

Taking your meds regularly and for an extended period of time will slow your anxiety and clear your thinking so you'll realize you really aren't in the kind of danger you think you are in. That's what your nurses, etc. are trying to help you with, but if you don't take your meds, this will continue to be a problem in your mind.

Yeah, call of Duty is more like war type things, not gangs. It's an army game... Some people are just anti-games and blame it for things.

When I had a similar thing happening with me, it was that a new building was built in my neighborhood. That's what triggered it. Because it wasn't marked or labeled. When I look at it now, I see it was just a building. I don't know if that's an "overvalued idea." It doesn't seem the same to me from your examples.

I wish i knew a way to help you.

Farmergirl - The new nurse, she isn't even on my side - she said, I've showed her proof and she did nothing, I think she's said goodbye to me anyway - because she didn't call to give me an appointment.

Dark_heart_x - that's probably it - she's probably blaming the game so she doesn't have to do anything - it's easier for her to say I'm faking and just copying COD - which is going to sound stupid to anyone that knows about the game.

Yeah you're thing is totally different to that as well - because you really believed it the time right. The thing the nurse is talking about is like, just believing it when you feel like it.

I'm bet she is trying to mess with me.

There is a black sleeper cell car parked at the street near mine, it's opposite - I got a picture, but I can't see in the car, plus no one parks there.

Well, I think this nurse is probably not equiped to work with you from what you've said. Not all nurses are good at what they do, just like any other job. She doesn't seem to have the compasion required or something. When I was in the hospital for physical reasons for 2 weeks, I had some great nurses, but then I kept getting assigned one terrible nurse during the day shift. She was so annoying and lacked compasion and at one point came in and said, "I'm moving you to the ICU because you're not recovering." Well, I burst into tears because I was terrified, and my husband flipped out. Luckily my surgeon came and in and assured us I wasn't going to ICU and I was recovering. That incompitent nurse was just trying to push me off on someone else....

So don't take it personally.

Yes, at the time of my episode I believed it. 100%. Nothing anyone could have said would make me not believe it. I had seen things with my eyes, been "chased" through the streets at night, was being "stalked" and called the cops a few times. But, you know, no one cared about me. No one bothered to even say "maybe you need medicine," which I probably did. It lasted for around 5 years without fail. 5 years no one said maybe I should talk to a doctor or anything. I don't know what eventually made it stop. I was never on meds, never saw a pdoc, nothing. So, it went away on its own. But, I did suffer a pretty major trauma and maybe that snapped me out of it... I don't know. If I knew what it was, I'd tell you, because maybe it could help you, too.

Yeah my ex nurse was way better – she totally understood, well most the time.

That’s pretty harsh for her to say that to you – but yeah some people are just like that, they just don’t care.

That’s weird that it just stopped – it might have been because of that though. I’m just seeing this nurse because all this started when I was seeing my ex psychologist and she really is awesome and I trusted her to tell her what was happening, then after the EIP Team – I got this sucky new nurse, but my ex psychologist said – don’t quit seeing them, so I don’t know.

Someone should have said something to you though – if I had a friend going through things like that – I’d tell them to talk to someone.
I do have a friend that is also being gang stalked – but she sees a nurse, so we just support each other.

The nurse is coming Monday - she wasn't going to call, my dad called though, I have time to talk to them before I see her though, I guess I can ask her to explain the COD connection though.

Thanks for replying

Kureha, what is your profile picture! It is terrifying! I have to look away from the graphics you have as your signature, terrifying!!! They look like they are posessed by the devil and trying to get inside me by my eyes looking at them! Freaky! Do you see demons when you look at their faces? Perhaps these people are really holding you captive? Just a thought but wow, I can't shake the creepy feeling of fear when I look at them! Who are they anyhow, some famous singer or something?

Oh right - I'm sorry

My profile pic is Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance and the first 2 pics in my sig are also Gerard.
The last pic is Laurence Beveridge from Fearless Vampire Killers.

They are all really nice, really sweet to their fans.

MCR started after the 9/11 attacks - to make a difference and save lives.