[DarlaKat]

So. I've been diagnosed schizoaffective many times in my life. Of course the doctors keep going from psychosis and major depression to schizoaffective to blahblahblah diagnosis. All I know is that I have a lot of schizophrenic symptoms and its very irritating. I forget days, laugh for no apparent reason, and sometimes get so bad that I can't even talk.

ANYWAYS. I'm going off subject. Well. I hate being around people. They freak me out and idk they just act awkward around me and I feel like they constantly want me to say something and a lot of the time I just want to keep to myself and listen to my uncontrollable thoughts. A lot of people seem to think that I act fine in social situations. But a lot of the time I feel extremely uncomfortable, judged and watched by everyone, and just idk invaded in a strange way. I try my best to fight this but right now I'm hiding in a room at my boyfriends parents house and I'm just TIRED of social interaction IM TIRED OF IT. I'm tired of feeling pressured to talk when I don't want to TALK.

I'm wondering if any of you out there feel the same way. And how you've tried to fight it. Because its so difficult. I HATE going to stores, I HATE the mall...I HATE anything that has to do with large crowds of people because they're constantly watching me. It sucks because, as a human being, we're "supposed" to be social but I HATE IT.

Anyways, please let me know if you've felt the same. I feel so alone in this, it sucks. Wish I could just be normal.

[kaliope]

Hi Darla
I know how you feel. I am not much of a people person either. not even my own family. I have always felt guilty as a mom not wanting to be there for my own kids. they are grown now thank god. but I simply avoid social interaction. im basically agoraphobic now. I go shopping about every six weeks. I don't do anything social. I am perfectly happy being alone. I am content living this lifestyle of not interacting with others. I only do it when I absolutely have to, like for my job. and then I go home and have nothing to do with people for the rest of the night. I don't consider it abnormal. I consider it to be a choice. im just not a people person. its ok.

[RunningEagleRuns]

Meh.. I like being around people unless I'm getting voices from them.

[The_little_didgee]

This human being isn't very social.

Your experience was similar to mine when I was younger. I had a lot of social anxiety, because I had no idea how to socialize. I tried hard, but I never could get it right. Now, I don't care if I am social or not.

I like being alone, because it is comforting. Sometimes, I need to visit with family and a few friends, especially when I feel stressed. When visiting, I don't always talk. No one complains about it, because they have accepted me and my quirks.

P.S. I also can't stand malls. Whenever, I need to go, it is always during the week, when it is fairly quiet.

[faerie_moon_x]

Hi Darla,

Actually you say you have schizoaffecitve and I wonder if it is bipolar type? I have bipolar and one of my worst symptoms of it is pressured speach, which is this intense urge to talk even when I don't want to. I can talk to total strangers for hours and not let them get a word in when it's really bad. Even in my brain I am shouting at myself to shut up and I can't. I even talk right over people, interrupting them. It's horrible.

I feel extreme awkwardness around people and the pressure to talk and talk is often more than I can handle. I work as a secretary in an office. Our waiting room is small and we don't have a lot of people come in at once. So, often just 1-2 people sitting here waiting. I can't stand sitting here because of the pressure to talk. I even can't stop myself and talk to people waiting. Some people are fine and liek to chat, other people I can tell they can't stand it and I can't stop....

Anyway, what you were saying about not wanting to talk made me think of it.

[Tsunamisurfer]

Originally Posted by DarlaKat

.... I hate being around people. ... a lot of the time I feel extremely uncomfortable, judged and watched by everyone, and just idk invaded in a strange way. I try my best to fight this but right now I'm hiding in a room at my boyfriends parents house and I'm just TIRED of social interaction IM TIRED OF IT. I'm tired of feeling pressured to talk when I don't want to TALK.
...

Darla
I'm really sorry you struggle so much with this.

I have never liked crowds either, even as a toddler. Kindergarten was too much social pressure for me and I fled from it after 3 days. But I was easy to please with a hermit crab as a friend and a stretch of beach to myself. 45 years later, after several severe episodes of mania and psychosis, and lengthy depressions, I am just the same, but more painfully aware of my awkwardness around people.

I would love to be friends with people. I mean real friends, not just shallow acquaintances who can talk the talk, but someone who can reach out to others and connect in a special way.

But somehow I find being with people painful - especially crowds. Having voices coming from all around me is the most distressing and disorientating thing I know (except for when there are no bodies attached to them).

I reach my social endurance limit quite quickly, and avoid parties, malls, restaurants or family gatherings whenever I can. My extended family knows that I will probably need to get out or find a bed and cover my head to get the screeching noises in my head to calm down. Sometimes going out for a long walk alone helps calm me down after a while.

I hope you soon find peace with your pain from social interactions.



TS

[Mountainman2013]

Originally Posted by DarlaKat

So. I've been diagnosed schizoaffective many times in my life. Of course the doctors keep going from psychosis and major depression to schizoaffective to blahblahblah diagnosis. All I know is that I have a lot of schizophrenic symptoms and its very irritating. I forget days, laugh for no apparent reason, and sometimes get so bad that I can't even talk.

ANYWAYS. I'm going off subject. Well. I hate being around people. They freak me out and idk they just act awkward around me and I feel like they constantly want me to say something and a lot of the time I just want to keep to myself and listen to my uncontrollable thoughts. A lot of people seem to think that I act fine in social situations. But a lot of the time I feel extremely uncomfortable, judged and watched by everyone, and just idk invaded in a strange way. I try my best to fight this but right now I'm hiding in a room at my boyfriends parents house and I'm just TIRED of social interaction IM TIRED OF IT. I'm tired of feeling pressured to talk when I don't want to TALK.

I'm wondering if any of you out there feel the same way. And how you've tried to fight it. Because its so difficult. I HATE going to stores, I HATE the mall...I HATE anything that has to do with large crowds of people because they're constantly watching me. It sucks because, as a human being, we're "supposed" to be social but I HATE IT.

Anyways, please let me know if you've felt the same. I feel so alone in this, it sucks. Wish I could just be normal.

You are not alone on this. For the most part i just want to be left alone. When my family has a gathering I will just hide in my room until they leave. I don't fight it. Why should I be made to feel more miserable? Don't i have any rights? I don't want to talk. Leave me alone. I hate stores. I never go to malls. Sometimes i want my family to just be quiet for awhile. IS that asking too much? I guess it is because it never happens. Interaction is labor intensive. AT work if i need to interact I try to get it over with as quickly as possible and head for the hills. I totally know where you're coming from.

[justmeandmyhead]

i can relate i isolate myself when not feeling good, but even when im okay im not a massive people person. its hard to be around people for too long as i get worn out

[Mr. Radio]

I feel your pain. Being social is something I'm chasing. I do the best I can, but it's still not as good as it was before my break. I keep putting myself in social situations to see if things come back to me or if I can jump into a conversation, more often then not I keep to myself as I'm usually thinking of something else, when I can't find a way to relate. I use to hate going places and thinking that people are watching me and that they all look at me awkwardly, but I got over it eventually and I have faith you will too. Like all things IT TAKES TIME. That is capitalized because it's what everyone tells me. I figured I'd enforce their reinforcement.

I'd say if you can be social, but just chose not to... be happy because you can, it's harder for some people. If you don't like it, save it, because this is a social world as you stated and you'll need it in every job that you have. Also every relationship that you're in. Good luck to you.

[Lovingsheep]

Originally Posted by DarlaKat

So. I've been diagnosed schizoaffective many times in my life. Of course the doctors keep going from psychosis and major depression to schizoaffective to blahblahblah diagnosis. All I know is that I have a lot of schizophrenic symptoms and its very irritating. I forget days, laugh for no apparent reason, and sometimes get so bad that I can't even talk.

ANYWAYS. I'm going off subject. Well. I hate being around people. They freak me out and idk they just act awkward around me and I feel like they constantly want me to say something and a lot of the time I just want to keep to myself and listen to my uncontrollable thoughts. A lot of people seem to think that I act fine in social situations. But a lot of the time I feel extremely uncomfortable, judged and watched by everyone, and just idk invaded in a strange way. I try my best to fight this but right now I'm hiding in a room at my boyfriends parents house and I'm just TIRED of social interaction IM TIRED OF IT. I'm tired of feeling pressured to talk when I don't want to TALK.

I'm wondering if any of you out there feel the same way. And how you've tried to fight it. Because its so difficult. I HATE going to stores, I HATE the mall...I HATE anything that has to do with large crowds of people because they're constantly watching me. It sucks because, as a human being, we're "supposed" to be social but I HATE IT.

Anyways, please let me know if you've felt the same. I feel so alone in this, it sucks. Wish I could just be normal.

Hello Darlakat -

Thank you for sharing your story, for it makes me truly feel I am not alone. Yes, I can definitely relate to this one.

People don't understand it, but like you, I despise large crowds, especially malls. I only enjoy going to things when it's super empty,relaxed and as few people around as possible.

I too wish I could be more "normal," but then again...what does "normal" really mean sometimes? Is it "normal" to want to surround yourself with thousands of strangers? Should we be made to feel different just because we can't really find comfort and peace in these boxed-in, stressful situations?

My other triggers are packed buses and trains. I have to ride public transportation every day, which is a nightmare for me. Too many people, too many problems. It doesn't help that I happen to live in one of the most over-crowded, violent places on the planet, either.

I wish you much peace and personal joy as you continue the fight every day. God bless.

[Mountainman2013]

I stay away from family gatherings as much as humanly possible. I hate it when my family forces me to attend. But, hey. I figure they want me there, they take their chances with me. I may be alright--but I might be horrible. They want to play the percentages? So let them. But don't whine later when you know what.