Roll Call Eight

Newtus I don't know if this would work but maybe you could call Lifenet here in Dallas & just talk to them on the phone. Maybe they could give you some helpful info. Maybe you could receive services from them even though you live where you do now. Maybe they'd know of something closer to you. I know you want to stay close to your dad but you've also got to do what's best for you. And you've said that living where you are now is not helping you but only making you feel worse. I'm not trying to tell you what to do but only trying to offer you some suggestions to think about. And when you feel comfortable maybe you could call them. I just want to help you feel better. Helping you helps me feel better. Hugs!

Newtus here's the info on it:

LifeNet Community Behavioral Healthcare
9708 Skillman Street
Dallas, Texas 75243

Open Monday through Friday 8am til 5pm

(214) 221-5433

www.lifenettexas.org

@crackingslowly

not sure that would work. as i also tried to get county services in that county. and they said i cannot if i do not live in that county. im already setup with a psychdoc here. im lookign things other than that IF possible.

I just looked @ their website & it says they do service your county where you're living right now. They may offer you better opportunities than what your receiving now. Just a thought.

If you decide to, you could look @ the website. At least you have the info if you decide to check into it. No pressure. Just trying to help.

im looking but i dont see that. where?

ugh i cant do this. i dont understand anything of this stuuff because my situation is twisted to. i cant do it.

ok ok ok
im trying again. im jsut stressed.
btu i looked again. and as of right now i dont really qualify. i could pay to get the services though for right now.
but they mainly offer pdoc and therapy. which i dont need as i dont need therapy and i have a pdoc already. i didnt want to switch.

maybe im just being spoiled-acting/complaining right now.

idk it just doesnt seem worth it. i went to northstar in 2009 because i was promised things and said i qualify for stuff (that i was recommended at the time not asking for) that later they said i didnt. then i was told to goto THIS countys mental health clinic because i was told i qualified for case management (this was 1 of the times i was told i need it). after asking 2-3 times at this place im at now they eventually beat around the question and never got back to me on qualifying. its been a year now. so im really skeptical about going to ANOTHER place for promised things that i most likely wont get.

theres SOME reason in my life that i just dont ACUALLY qualify for anything beyond medication and therapy. even though the sh_t ive done (just saying IM RATHER SURPRISED).

i get promised things or told i qualify or will get services that i never have in my life. some of them i dont even know what they are fully about. or i get told things that are outright lies.

1 sad example is that i was at the county clinic few days ago picking up something and this boy and his family were there. and thy were pretty pissed becuz the clinic i goto told them over the phone they took fostercare medicaid. they said thats why they chose the clinic. they told them at the front desk they dont at all. but the family said they were specically told that on the phone.

its that type of BS im talkig about.they dont give a F. and thats why i hate asking for the mental health systems help. but at the same time theres no one else that would help me with specific things regarding mental health. its one of the biggest catch 22 ill prob ever know in my life. and its the WORST and the SADDEST.

Sorry didn't mean to stress you. Just thought the info would be helpful. From what I read they do service people in your county and they do service people with sz and other stuff too. I understand if you don't want to look into it. But from what I read you would qualify. The info on the website might be confusing. If you decided to, you could get your dad to look at it or you could just call. I find that when I speak to someone over the phone I understand better and get a better understanding of what they offer. From what I read, you shouldn't have to pay for anything. But if this is stressing you out right now just take a break from it.

yea its stressful. but ur not stressing me out. its just that it is stressful and i cant really stop. prtly cause i feel so desperate. my dad doesnt have time to look at it. ive asked him several times to and most times he does but its not longer than some amount of minutes. i dont think he has time. someone did offer to call me about medicare. but i truly need someone to sit down and explain to me. i dont understand well verbally.

im wondering about taking off and moving into a hotel

That's really messed up.

Having a bad staff is the worst thing for offices. But unfortunately for some reason heartless folks end up working at assistance jobs.... >.>

I don't think that's a good idea Newtus. Hotels can be very expensive and many times bad people hang around. I wouldn't recommend you do this. You're safer at your dad's house.

I wish I lived closer to you. I'd certainly help you Newtus. I can do my best to help you when we're online together. I'm at work today and have been jumping on PC using Tapatalk on my cell phone. But I've got to be super careful not to get caught on my cell when my boss is around. She would not be happy with me. Tapatalk notifies me every time someone adds a post to Roll Call.

Another thing Newtus, please don't let bad staff or rude people discourage you from getting the help that you deserve. Don't ever allow anyone to walk on you or mistreat you. If someone at the clinic is being rude to you then you request a supervisor. Just because we may have a mental illness doe not give anyone a right to talk to us any old way they want or to mistreat us in any way. We have to stand up for ourselves and fight for what we need. We have to take care of ourselves.

You click on the box that says "adults"

i had this long response typed out. but all i can say is: i will try.

While I don't think moving to a hotel is good on a budget, how about a one night vacation in the city? You could get some activities and socialization in then go home recharged. You could do it a couple of times a month just to get out and it would be good practice for living on your own. Just an idea...

yes i thought so too.
im reallying loooking in to that.

ugh i cant even type right now. everything is so messed up.

all this sh_T
and i just heard that the one friend i always mention that i had for years overdosed. was dead for few min then came back. and is in psych ward.

i think this has been the last straw. im already suicidal. n stressed.

EDIT.//

no i dont think. this is the last straw.

Newtus, I'm so sorry about your friend.

Just take a minute to take a breath. Everything is coming in on you at once. So, take a breath. I know the demons of suicide very well. They are all screaming in your head right now. But everything they say is a lie. I know you don't feel that's the case since everything feels hopeless right now. But, it's not. Obsticles exist for everyone. But, you can over come them.

It is hard at first to take the first steps out of what is comfortable and familiar. The world is a big place. Living in your isolation it seems even bigger. But, not everyone is mean or rude or a monster. It just takes practice and not giving up.

Just take a breath. Take a break. Set aside only so much time every day to work on looking for help. Do what you can, then put it aside for today. I think you're overwhelming yourself. Work on one thing at a time. One day reach out to NAMI. The next day call to the clinic. If you run across someone not helpful, write their name down and try again the next day and ask to speak to someone else.

You can do it, just take it slow. One day at a time.

That's all we can do is try. Give it our best shot. And never, ever give up!

I'm very sorry to hear that news about your friend. That is so very sad. Hang in there Newtus!

the reason im pushing myself like this to find things fast is because im extremely lonely and i have made too many plans in my head to kill myself in the past month - to just let things take it slow. things have been taking slow for 2 years more. 1 year more than they needed to be stretched like this. plus im scared that if i let it get TOO far bad that ill be in jail or state hospital. im really afraid. im truly deathly afriad.

edt//
its not just the loneliness but that makes it worse. its this whole effing sz stuff. dealing with it with no one to talk to. but i know i cant jump in and get a job or something like volunteer. thats not for now. i need at least some regular human contact for a couple of months before i start jumping into things ..things that if i just jump into and they go wrong......wrong meaning doing what ive done last time like almost assulating people and trashing places.....then im going to JAIL. and i am NOT GOING TO MOTHERF_KING JAIL or STATE HOSPITAL. LIKE THOSE DAMN PROFESSIONALS KEEP THREATENING ME AND POLICE. THAT SH_T.