Roll Call Eight

I doubt if I'll fall in love.

I haven't even opened the letter. I'm more likely to take pity on someone with a good sob story than to fall in love with anyone. It all leads to the same place, though - trouble. I have enough trouble without taking on any more.

It might turn into him wanting you to send him money! Trouble!

Yeah. I already have my son asking for money.

I think this is the guy: Kansas Department of Corrections

Seriously? My son gave my address to a rapist? Good God!

Oh my Costello! That guy has a long rap sheet! I wonder if that guy forced your son to hand over your address. I wonder if your son was threatened. They do that type of stuff in jails and in prisons.

I doubt my son was threatened. He just has absolutely no common sense whatsoever.

When he first moved in with me was almost 13. He met some guy down at the lake and invited him into the house. I'm in the bedroom, and I hear my dog barking franticly. I walk into the living room, and there's a guy standing there. I shouted at him to 'get out!' My son told me he wasn't a 'stranger' because they had the same name and he was with an old grandfatherly-looking man.

He came from a home with a mom who regularly invited strange men into their home, left her kids with them, and had sex with them in front of her children - and worse. He simply has no idea of boundaries or discretion.

Luckily I'm irritated enough with the neighbors that I'm looking for another place to live. This is just one more reason to move.

That's really sad that your son had to grow up like that. Hopefully once you move that guy won't get your new address.

can i just ask u guys....what comes first when ur heading into a psychotic episode? hallucinations? delusions? or anything else?....just intrigued to know i guess hah

Everybody's experience is different. It's hard to say.

should not be up at 4am. ****ing insomnia is doing my head in! been weeks now and zopiclone doesnt even touch it.

They come together for me but then I've only really had 1 major episode and then one tiny relapse. I would say the auditory hallucinations are the most prevalent though.

I should not be up at 4am either but at least I didn't wake back up at midnight like last night.....solid 6 hours should get me through. I'm going off to a local beach town about two hours away tomorrow or I guess really today should be really fun.

Seriously wish the police would stop following me around.

I'm sorry you're being followed, Kureha, but I'm glad to see you back.

The reason I haven't been on much is because of the medication, but if I ever get my appt with the doctor - I might be able to change.

The police always follow me, might go see them about it later, I don't like them doing it.

Is it making you sleepy? I hope you can find a solution. I miss seeing you.

I wouldn't like that either.

Yeah I get tired and I have no energy, I am meant to have an appt soon, but I don't know when, I miss being on here as well.

Yeah I've done nothing wrong, but they still follow me.

KUREHA: it's so good to hear from you!

That sucks. Maybe they'll lower the dose or give you a different med. When my son was sleeping all the time, his pdoc said his dose was too high.

That's just terrible.

Hi Ash. For me I watch for the little things first. I may go without sleep, start losing weight, become really moody. I may start to isolate, and not care about hygiene, like not getting dressed for the day and combing my hair. When I become very suspicious and feel like I am constantly watched and monitored to the point I don't leave the house, I know it's a problem to nip in the bud. I might see something out of the corner of my eye and I'll be startled easily. I may experience a lot of panic attacks and anxiety.
I don't believe a person just goes from no symptoms at all and high functionality to complete symptoms of delusions and hallucinations suddenly. If we are vigilant about preventing relapse, we learn to see some signs that things are going south.

Kureha! I am so glad to see some posts from you!!!
I am sorry you have been so drained by your meds. Hopefully they will adjust them.
Any chance the police are following you as a protective detail? I can see how it would still be unpleasant though. I hope you get some safe relief from it.
Thanks a lot for checking in. I've missed you lots!

Looks like my mom is going to have dangerous neck surgery. Yesterday she went to physical therapy and they looked at the MRI and said they can't do anything and the shot won't help either. The next step is probably surgery. Lots of nerves are involved. With me I am getting worse (physically) everyday. I might have a pinched nerve in my shoulder. I can't move it up past a certain point and it hurts like hell. I just got through having plantar fasciitis. I have to wear a special boot for that. I have constant spasms in my neck, back, and shoulder. Its hard to do anything. At least the conference went well. I made $330. My anxiety is high.

Kureha: Good to see you! Sorry the meds are making you so tired and the Police are following you What meds are you on this time (if you don't mind saying)?

Thanks Gr3tta!

My parents have been holidaying near me this week so we met and went to this beautiful village in the Cotswolds (a detour on the way home). I actually had quite a nice day, never been to the Cotswolds before, and was able to take some photos. The dog also had fun walking about and chasing the ducks, and lots of fussing off Nanny. We had a nice meal out too. Then Mum drove me home in the dark, and Max was cwtched up on my lap fast asleep the whole way home, which was really sweet.

Today I was bullied into taking a shower, which was necessary but exhausting. It was too wet to go out so thankfully I have been left to my own devices this afternoon (which involved a nap)

Yeah I'm just plain not happy right now - don't want to be at home, scared of being at my Uni house. My housemate's mother is visiting in September and the decorators will be in painting most of the rooms of the house (thankfully not mine though), so am DREADING that

I don't think that sounds silly - I feel like people can see through me to this blackness inside, and know my thoughts if we make eye contact - so I understand feeling exposed and vulnerable It sounds like you enjoyed some of the later sessions though, and they sound interesting.

Costello: I'm glad you have found somewhere to move too that will hopefully take Bridley & Sylvie. Moving is very stressful though so I don't envy you that But hopefully it'll be worth it to get away from those horrible neighbours. Sorry to hear about your poor chickens too



*Willow*

Firebird: I'm sorry about your mom and your health problems

What kind of things did you learn at the conference? Did you get the $330. dollars for taking part in the conference?
I hope your anxiety gets better.

@ Costello: I love your new pic! That is awesome.

I'm still worried about Newtus. I know she goes off line for a bit but the last post she left really worried me. I do hope we hear from her very soon & I do hope she's okay.

As for me I'm feeling pretty tired today. All that emotional stuff I went through yesterday really wore me out. I had to work last night til 11pm so by the time I got home & got settled it was close to 1am before I was able to fall asleep. Then I slept like a rock. Woke around 6am but then went back to sleep til 1pm. I guess I really needed the sleep. I had to be on a job @ 3pm today. Luckily it's just until 6pm. Then I'll be off the next 2 days. I'm looking forward to that. I still feel tired & a bit drained today. I hope you all are having a good day!

Costello - I'm not on that high a dose, but it's just not right for me, my dr wants to increase, well that's what the nurse said to me.

Gr3tta - thanks, no the police are never on my side, they are just part of the problem, some of them are involved.

Willow - I get injections of modecate , so they know I'm taking it.
I want to change to abilify though, that's what I used to take, well I did sometimes.