Roll Call Eight

i have a secret may i share it?

of course hun

I found one bolete about two weeks ago near my university. It was a surprise find. I never expected to find one in the middle of the city.

My plans changed so I am still waiting to go to Quebec. It won't be until next month. I may also be going to Quyon for a day, but won't know for sure until later next week.

i have been sending letters to people i barely know and some i dont know about people following me and to save me from the american mental health system. that i was chained up and beaten. i got a text from one of these people. someone i barely knew. kinda - knew not too well. to stop sending letters and get psychiatric help "cuz no ones following you".

im still sending the letters. i send the articles i cut out and handwritten notes i write.

@ Newtus: Hey there! Sorry you're feeling like you don't get many responds to your posts. For the last 2 weeks I've been very busy getting things ready for my classroom. I finally got almost everything done, I have a few minor paperwork issues to finish up. The classroom itself is all finished and we had Meet N Greet yesterday and I met all the parents of my new kiddos. This is extreme stress and anxiety for me. I think I did okay playing the "normal card" with my "mask" on. But I suffered a huge amount of anxiety doing so. So now I've got this 4 day weekend to recover. I've felt really, really depressed today. I got in an argument with my 17 yr old daughter yesterday and it's triggered me into a deep depression. Today I just feel like crap! Haven't really accomplished much today. Going to try again tomorrow.

Be careful doing this Newtus!

how do you feel bout this?

I'm planning on giving Daisy a bath this weekend too and trying to cut her nails. She TOTALLY hates getting her nails cut and won't ever be still for it. It stresses me out trying to do it but it needs to be done. One time I had her vet do it and they cut every single one of them too short and they were bleeding. I was SOOOO angry! So I've NEVER allowed them to do it again.

i will try

what do you mean? what they said? it hurt. i KINDA knew them. i mean it was a family member. a pastor head of a church. one i rarely talk to though. i mean rare. once every so many years. their son texted me to "go get help". the other person i wrote to is a radio show host. two others are.

it does seem very blunt and tactless of them, especially if you sort of knew them. sorry they hurt your feelings

Newtus if one of the people you reached out to is a Pastor head of a church then he should not brush you off. He should talk with you, pray with you, and offer help any way possible. That's a Pastor's job.

i didnt hear from them.
only their son.

actually i sent a 12 page each handwritten note to 5 family memebrs. extended. only got a reply from one. just one. one time.

Do you think any of them could or would help you?

nope.
nope.
nope.

but i am sharing my story of survival with them. of living in this world where so many people come around me to hurt me. get me. kill me.

I'm suddenly so tired and weak I think they laced my food with something. I don't know what to do.

I'm cutting Zorro's nails this weekend too. He doesn't like it either. I have a special nail trimmer for him, but it's still awkward. His nails grow so fast and they scratch me up.

When was the last time you were able to sleep?

When did you last eat?

Good to hear from you SP. I hope you have a great time!

i'm not gonna leave you, Newtus.

wow thanks mimi2112. thats so nice.

i just took 2 xanax. idk why. to sleep away everything i guess. . .

Or eat something?

I've been feeling pretty depressed the last 2 days. I just forced myself to drive to the video store to rent a dvd. I like "Sons of Anarchy". I've watched all the seasons that were available on my Netflix. Season five just came out a few days ago but isn't on my Netflix yet. So I just rented the entire Season five for ten bucks! Great deal. Now instead of staring @ my bedroom wall & sinking deeper into this depression I'm going to go back home & watch my DVD. So excited!!!!

they still got places to rent dvds? a whole store?
i remembwr going to a video store in a small town. 12 dollars to rent 1 dvd. they had made 1 dvd on a shelf and then a foot of space between each dvd. im like wtf? i can rent all the ones i want for 7.99 on netflix. "what am i doing here?".

more xanax please.