Roll Call Eight

Sometimes: That's great news! I'm so glad for you

The_little_didgee: I'm sorry that you're depressed. It sucks! Hope you catch the mouse. Last time we had one, our 2 cats had no idea what to do about it, being indoor cats! lol

Costello: I'll keep my finger's crossed that he'll succeed this time. Quitting smoking is supposed to be really difficult, especially since many say it helps their psychotic symptoms. How are things re moving? And your poor solitary chicken?

Mum kidnapped me to run errands today. I was annoyed because she told me we were going to 2 places and it turned out that it was really 8 places and 4 hours later. She helped me with my disability review paperwork though this evening, which was nice but embarrassing - I get ashamed with even my Mum reading this stuff. I'm really hoping that I don't have to go to another assessment - it's with a non-mental health professional and last time I got so stressed I became mute, which went down like a lead balloon with the assessor

Hope everyone else is well

*Willow*

It's been two and a half days without a cigarette!

I told him yesterday that smoking makes APs clear out of the system more quickly, so it's as if he's taking a higher dose just by quitting. And his pdoc told him the same thing at his appointment today! I should be charging for all this wonderful info I dispense.

His pdoc says if he starts feeling tired or sleepy he can drop his dose again. Maybe that will give him more incentive to keep from smoking.

I have two chickens, so they have each other for company. I keep them in the coop most of the day. I purchased an electric fence to keep them safe. It arrived yesterday; now I just need to put it up.

The mouse is hiding in the bedroom wall. It must be making a nest because it seems to be very active in one area.

What did the cats do?

This is hard. I am on disability. It was tough telling my parents about it.

Costello: Lol @ charging for advice! You'd make a fortune cos you're so wise! I'm glad that he has the flexibility to change his dose cos he doesn't want to end up feeling worse especially when battling nicotine withdrawal. I'm glad you have 2 chickens left to keep each other company. For some reason I thought it was just the one left - oops! Hopefully the electric fence will keep them safe. Hope that you are doing ok too

The_little_didgee: The cats just ignored it and walked straight past. They had no chase/hunt instinct with it whatsoever - useless!! lol My brother and Dad cornered it in the end and let it out.

My parents know I'm on disability (my Mum is too now), but I find it hard telling them everything that goes on. I'm embarrassed about writing it on the form, but I know that I need to tell them everything to hopefully avoid an assessment, which I couldn't bare right now. Plus the Govt keeps making everyone think that anyone on benefits is scum - in fact my Mum was the victim of verbal abuse just the other day when asking a non-blue badge holder to leave her disabled space outside the front of the house, with this guy screaming in her face that she was "lazy" and needed to "get a job" etc! Luckily I don't look disabled so I haven't had any comments because I don't tell people that I'm on benefits. I haven't even told my current pdoc or GP cos I'm ashamed and worry that they'll think that I'm being lazy, but they're going to find out now because of the review they'll write to them. Anyway I've nearly finished the paperwork and then it's just the agonising wait to hear what the decision is about a face-to-face assessment...

*Willow*

I'm doing ok. Looking to move away from my noisy neighbors. Looking for a new career. Feeling a little more hopeful on both fronts.

Do you feel crazy? I mostly don't. I mostly feel like probably other people are more like me than they are willing to admit.
But today I feel really crazy.
Really super extra crazy.
... I don't know what else to say.

Gr3tta I mostly don't feel crazy either; more pretending to be 'normal'.

*Willow*

I don't think I've been very supportive of others on here lately, and I just want to say I'm sorry about that. I've been pretty frustrated with myself which keeps me from wanting to say much. I want everyone to know that I still care and I am still trying to be better even if I am failing.

i was in the hospital for 8 days.

got out yesterday.

they stacked me on 6 medications.
been taking them and gaining weight. but im stopping some of these.
too much mediactions.
too much.
too much.
too much.

im tired all day. and eat when im awake.
feel dizzy and sh_t.
all day.
disoriented.
my stay was kinda bad overall. in terms of care.

i had to lie about not hearing voices to get out. or i wouldve been there another week.
6 medicines and i still hear voices. a little bit.
but when the meds wear off i get voices&paranoia REALLY bad.
worse than before.

I wrote the final exam for my psychology class tonight. Wow. Seven weeks went by fast. Now I have two weeks all to myself!!!!!!!! Tomorrow I am off to find some mushrooms near my university.

Welcome back newtus.

Awake and vertical at this early hour.

I'm glad to hear from you but I'm so sorry this happened. Hospitals suck. Six medications? That sounds like overkill to me too, I'm sorry they did that.

yea this girl said she was on 11. i didnt believe her. but i stood by the med window...and yep she was. she was also on thorazine to hush her up. literal.

im on 2 antipyshotics. 1 AD. 1 antiseizure. 1 sleep med. 1 antianxiety.
PLUS A long lasting haldol shot in the backside TWICE before i left the hospital.

now sure how long ill be on any of em. hah.
but will be taking them for a week until i see psychdoc teusday just in case they need to check my blood. but stopping zyrexa cuz ive gained 5 pounds already. BUT all in all i continue with 2 of these MAYBE. take with grain of sugar.

this is very physically harsh on my body. i feel very sick.

im not sure if this haldol is even touching me really. you know. im on 5mg. its barely touching me. you know? not sure. i liked it cuz it wasnt making me tired or gain weight.

my hip hurts from the haldol decoanate shot.

i have to be honest.
the antideprssants dont really do anything.
the APs barely do.

Nice to see you back Newtus! Sorry you had to go to the hospital though

Gr3tta Don't worry about posting if you can't. You can only do what you can do

*Willow*

@ Newtus: I'm so glad to hear from you! I was worried about you! I'm so sorry you had to go to the hospital & get so many medications! I hope you're beginning to feel better though. Please continue to keep us posted when you can.

Today is a quiet day. It feels odd, because I have been busy the last 7 weeks. Now I am in the mood to paint.

The PC layout has changed.

It's okay.

Today is a quiet day for me too. I didn't have to work today. My two daughters both got jobs this month and are finally working. So they are not home today. My son works nights so he sleeps during the day. Our two cats are also asleep. So it's just Daisy and I hanging out together today

today its light sprinkles where i am.
its ok.

i love rain.
rain actually makes me REALLY happy. EXTREMELY content feeling i mean. like everything will be ok. something about the ambiance of rain and the look of bleak sky makes me feel very content. hopeful.like ill live to see another day.

I have so much that I could be doing right now but I woke with a headache and don't really feel like doing much. I'm doing laundry today. I've got to get that caught up before I go back to work on Monday. I don't think I've ever shared this with y'all but I am a pre k teacher. This past week and next week I'll be very busy getting my classroom ready for the new year that starts on September 3rd. The children I teach are not quite 2 years old. It seems like my director gives me a younger set of children every year! I've been working at my current place of employment for the last 7 years. Before that I was a pre k teacher at another place for 2 years. This job is very hard for me and produces lots of stress and anxiety for me. Plus I work with a lady who is much older than me and she's not able to do very much of the physical labor so I always feel like I'm doing everything. I thank God I have a job but have secretly wanted to do something different for a while now. But since I have been doing this for so long, I'm not sure what else I could qualify to do. So I just hang in there and do my best to pretend to be "normal".

I really like the rain too! It relaxes me when it's light rain.

You know I have HUGE social anxiety and I avoid social situations whenever possible. I dread school starting because I'll have 14 children in my Monday, Wednesday, Friday class and 10 children in my Tuesday, Thursday class. Together that's 24 children and 48 parents I'll have to meet and some of them even have babysitters that I'll have to meet too. Gee!!! Makes me nervous and my hands shake just thinking about that. Putting on that mask and smile and pretending to be a "normal" person is so hard. I feel like it gets harder every year. I wonder just how much longer I will be able to handle this.

I'm sorry for whining y'all! I know I should count my blessings and just be thankful that I'm able to suck it up and go to work.

I've been having the strangest dreams lately. They've all consisted of me dying and the apocalypse. Three nights it a row now. I reckon it could be some sort of sign maybe? they were very vivid. Intensely vivid.
Anyways I feel today is going to be a good day for me! . Fingers crossed it remains like that all through the day!
Hope you guys are well. And if ur not doing well....hang in there my lovely people!