I hate therapists and Dr's

I really don't know this answer. I am confident I have the symptoms of schizophrenia not some stupid psychosis **** from depression or dysthmia. I honestly don't know who trains these damn therapist's I get. Seriously I am very angry at so many people who they say are schizophrenic and I am not. I don't pretend believe because I am confused or delusional. They literally say schizophrenics don't know they are schizophrenic, well that's a crock of ******** from those Dr's I see, because how in living hell people with the disorder are diagnosed and treated for it. I had these guys for the past 5 years and all my therapists from childhood till now are all crap and quacks. I never want to go back to a shrink unless the person really knows and actually has factual stuff based on my recent behavior in a matter what they observed in a couple sessions. I don't mean diagnose me off the bat, but jeez don't throw me under the rug as I am not important to be a human. I mean I feel the dr's I had are out to get me and my mom is not helping with her emotional abuse. I don't remember who I am. I see things all the time since birth. I don't know my earliest memories of this is a hallucination I feel all the time and it's hell. That I feel someone is touching me with hands and I can't feel comfortable to verbalize my feelings around family or friends, because they will neglect me further forcing to commit suicide. I have no one to go to the only people I am truly friends with are my friends, but not them physically instead the thought of the good qualities of them I have talking with them when not around them alone isolated in my room. I enjoy long term isolation over many weeks. I am bout 20 years old, I am untreated and neglected since I was a child. I have been a survivor of every kind of abuse and still go through it still. I use the internet as my savior or my relief, because I don't know who I really am. I suffered brain damage at 16 from life threatening neuro disease encephalytis which was 87% fatal in my case. I am grateful everyday to be having to oppurtunity to help myself, but rather regret living at the same time because the indifference I receive and the fact I have to abuse myself by starvation or no sleeping to prove a point. I do this all the time and no one helps or is convinced I need help. Besides if I killed myself my efforts would be in vein, because no one could help me and I just wasted everyone's time. I mean they can say I am depressed, but you know what made me depress is what my therapists are too damn stupid to answer. If I was paid as much as the guys in my city to tell 90% of all the patients they are bipolar to anger issues, from schizophrenic to just psychosis, or dysthmic to eating disorders. I mean they label the wrong thing based on more pronounced qualities not all of the negative qualities. Also they haven't cared bout my health. I am hopeless right now, because regardless I lose my reality. My therapist will keep saying, you don't have schizophrenia, I mean it felt devestating but in my mind I felt I have lost my will to live because he said that and now my life will downward spiral till I actually die, because of now dealings of neglect indifference and lies I get from authority and family/friend figures. I always here voices in my head telling me to "go **** yourself even posting this will get **** on because you aren't good enough." I mean I am told in my head that, "if you weren't so pathetic I wouldn't had girlfriends who would like to have sex with guys in front of you to make you cry." I mean what do you call that. I experienced this all my life untreated and medication drugs etc have made it much worse, because of no support what so ever. I have clearly given up after 15 years of being aware of it even remotely. I mean if you don't think I am schizophrenic either. I mean all hope is lost I'll just stay awake till I collapse randomly and smack my head against something or fall on the ground idk. I don't remember who I am or what this is I am forced to keep on typing and I don't know who is doing it.

a lot of people with schizophrenia know they have it. the Drs contradict themselves when they say that becuase if they have people on meds who get even slightly better and teach them skills to learn then they know they have it.

some may be like me where sometimes i think i have it and sometimes i dont.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Sadly you speak a lot of truth. Most pdocs are "book smart" only and script writers. There are good ones out there, but my luck has been few and far apart. Therapists are IMHO mostly closet narcissists! But there are good one's out there. I actually had a couple! I would suggest you try other pdocs and therapists until you find one you trust and like because otherwise your not going to fully benefit from those visits. It really makes a difference if you can honestly connect with them!

I have had doctors downplay my diagnosis all my life. Some go all out and say I'm faking (a doctor at the hospital said directly at my face that I'm NOT faking but since I don't trust anyone I picked up the report and says "I have a good imagination, got the symptoms from the Internet and its not real." Well, after I read that I got very angry and wanted to die. I didn't see myself as worthy of anything since no one saw the truth or believed me. I have had very few doctors on my side. I have had some that started out on my side and then as time went on suddenly didn't believe me. Some doctors are just jerks. They are idiots. About people saying "If you say you have schizophrenia then you don't have it" is not 100% true. It is because many of them lack insight during a psychotic break, but even then its not 100%. Some retain at least a little insight in which they still believe their delusions and hallucinations but understand it might sound a little odd to people on the outside world. They realize to some extent that its not 100% real. But the ones that lose insight are completely surrounded in their delusions and hallucinations and don't believe anyone else that its not real.

Well 15 years of pointless therapy, I basically used it to get out of class, even though it hasn't helped through school and graduating highschool. I mean I am experiencing the symptoms now more profoundly, but I don't know. I had no support to begin with, people are afraid of me even my parents, because they are stupid and ignorant like my Dr's the fact I basically had no treatment in court ordered treatment that was started at 4 years old for me. Never helped wasted all the money, and the fact I played ring around the rosie all damn day for every day in my life to get progress is so maddening. I literally just slam my face into walls as hard as i can to numb it and the voices. I mean I don't know, my friends are even worse with the ignorance they think I have full responsibility which I do and hope i do when I can't think clearly, but never had they supported willingly because they care. They just do pretend to do it to shut me up. No one has or will accept me. I am a walking dead man. I've never experienced reality, I want security, but will never achieve it. The fact I am forever stuck feeling like this and all the other symptoms I listed above I know it was over before I even poked out of the womb.

Yup that last sentence is where I've been at since childhood. I had such severe hallucinations as a child. I am forever haunted and dread sleeping waking and doing anything in house alone or be anywhere where I feel alone. I am truly terrified to be alive, because my immediate future looks very grim. I mean I can't become what I want to do in music business and audio production like I already do alone in a professional setting, because of this illness. I mean no matter how good I am the label and the **** that follows it will forever stay with me. It's so bad I can't verbalize completely of my irrationals there is too much information and to many descriptive things to say without being forced to write a book to not even get a somewhat good idea of my experience with it. I mean the label gives me hope that I might have someone who can actually help me locally, but then again no one has seen it like that. The thing that pissed me off the most, was when my therapist social worker told me with a straight face, "You should be happy you're not schizophrenic you are just a negative nancy who only pries the attention of others for your own gratitude because you have a personality disorder." I don't how many times a personality disorder has been replaced to describe any mental illness they are so quick to jump that band wagon and use some ******** response to make feel somewhat good to let your guard down just for a bit so they sinker you in their reel of crap. Absolutely you got that correct what you just said.

let me be the first im so sorry to hear that.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I bet my decaying body wouldn't phase anyone or convince anyone I have a problem. They probably go to the extreme that I am just pulling prank and I'll be home soon. I'm just resting on the ground pretending to be a zombie. Seriously It makes me think all the people I know out here should die for being completely inhumane bout me.

I hate saying this, but my therapists use I lived to age whatever as an accomplishment. I am not getting better just feeling worse bout myself because their attempt at bringing up my self esteem to convince me that having another birthday under my belt means anything. I could live a whole year and feel like **** because of **** that happened and do something bout it when ultimately it turns into **** regardless. I get a pat on the back for that. **** them seriously. I hope they die forever in a place where they are completely isolated and stuck in a room full of unbreakable mirrors.... I try, but I know I won't take my life at a young age not sure, but I know I will definitely take my own life when I am older and physically frail.

What are your symptoms if you don't mind me asking. I checked your profile and it says you have been diagnosed with "psychosis NOS." Sometimes when I go to the hospital that is what they diagnose me with. My actual doctors say schizoaffective disorder bipolar type. At my family doctor somehow i got diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. The last time I got out of the hospital this year I got diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder with psychotic features. I am truly sorry for what you are going through. People in general don't understand mental illness. That includes some doctors. If they are a psychiatrist they are supposed to be experienced in dealing with mental illnesses but I have come across jerks that never understood me. The main thing I deal with is people downplaying. A long time ago I had a therapist (not a full psychologist or psychiatrist) said I don't have psychosis because I can talk coherently. She said I have "psychotic ideas" and not "psychosis." In paranoid schizophrenia thought processes don't get as affected as someone with disorganized schizophrenia and I DO talk and write incoherently occasionally, even on these very boards. Especially when psychotic or stressed. So there are definitely people who don't understand. The funniest psych doc I've had (and I'm NOT joking here even though when I explain it might sound like a joke) that when I told her I hallucinate and see aliens she said that I'm seeing into another dimension and she's actually met the aliens. Oh by way according to her, the aliens are friendly. But there is a cult out here and she goes there. How old are you exactly?

what are you usually dxd with?


thats sad. but i dont believe that. i mean like you said in paranoid schiz people dont have to have disorganized speech. idk about the new DSM 5 but the DSM 4 stated that actually not having disorganized speech was something of a requirement for paranoid sz.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

You mean you don't believe ME as in I am a f-ing liar that deserves to DIE or you don't believe her? She actually wanted me to diagnose myself. I thought dependent personality disorder and maybe psychosis but minor not at the point I lose insight. Most of the doctors diagnose me with schizoaffective bipolar type but I have had so many diagnoses over my life time. But the one that sticks is schizoaffective bipolar type. I really HOPE YOU ARE NOT CALLING ME A F-ING LIAR. Don't worry if you weren't calling me a liar that means I just misunderstood what you said. I have been having that problem lately. Most people with mental illness their label changes based on what doctor they had, its perfectly normal.

im saying your THERAPIST was a b_tch and just not right. she was wrong.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Thank you. Like I said some therapists/ psychologists/ and even psychiatrists are people that don't understand. They probably have a low IQ or something. Also I believe that someone really doesn't understand mental illness until they go through it themselves. Recently my brother had to have a hearing for his SSI. The judge was a jerk because he didn't understand autism. In another case someone with severe depression was trying for SSI. The judge told her, "just snap out of it!" and when told that she sleeps 20 hours a day, he responded, "Why are you still tired after sleeping 20 hours?" There are times when the bipolar part of my schizoaffective gets bad (depression especially) I sleep most of the day and when I do get up I go on the computer. When I was on Haldol a few months back, I WAS sleeping 20 hours a day and was still tired. So side effects of pills can cause hypersomnia.

I don't know my symptoms to pin point what I have, because my diagnosis has been tossed around and changed constantly. I don't know other than what I always experience, I have the classic symptoms of + schizophrenia with dissoscation and depersonalization. I never knew what reality is, so I just role with everything even though I don't know anything or feel solid on anything "real". My psychotic breaks get so bad, I forget everything like amnesia. I don't know too long of a list to explain. and I am 19 bout to be 20 now.

Ok just to make a distinction a psychiatrist is there predominately to treat biological medical problems associated with your diagnosis. So they essentially prescribe meds. The therapist is their to build a relationship with you and to explore psychological interventions such as behaviour modification . Etc.

What can I do when I have no support, and I always get from Dr.'s friend's family. saying all the time? "Ur not schizophrenic, u are just tired, or you are bored trying to get attention from being depressed. Get over it" and so on

Yis Welcome, I read your story, i am schitzophrenic, bipolar, PTSD, depression an other things. I didn't want to believe it when the label of schitzophrenia was placed on me, but i knew it anyway, i just didn't want to be on meds the rest of my life, that was over 25 years ago. After trial and error, different meds, i'm pretty much stable, except for the depression, i am happy someone tried to help me, not at first accepting help, i fought it the whole way through, i did not want to be on meds, and much more labelled as something mentally. I hope you can find a doc you can trust and can relate to your diagnosis if any, and a good t i will pray you find one you can trust and will believe you, i thought at first i was schitzophrenic, and i was right, just didn't want to believe it. Maybe you do have it, you need the help if you really are, like you believe it to be, that is the first step i think is to accept it. There are a lot of quacks out there who like someone else said just was book smart, but not reality smart when it comes to their jobs, all they do is write scripts. T's can be hard to get along with at first, but after the ice is broken, there may be a level of trust and some type of friendship that is good. Please don't give up there ARE people who do care, i learned the hard way, but at this stage in my life i have seen a miracle in myself concerning my diagnosis and the help i got that i definately needed. Good Luck and have a nice day!!!!!

That ain't right. Psychosis and coherent speech are not mutually exclusive.

This was an old therapist that said that, I don't go to her anymore. I hope you are not calling me a liar that I didn't go through that experience. She really said that. She was an idiot.