Roll Call 17

this means i cant tell anyone about my depression or sadness i mean. and need to keep to myself more. and make no trouble for myself.

i mean i told my therapist about my depression and look where it got me. i didnt have a plan i just had thoughts and she sent me to the hospital

Well, if you dont say anything, then how can a pdoc help you with your symptoms?
That seems to be a waste of time at appointments. Dont you think?
Just a thought

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well i certainly cant say im suicidal even if i am or ill get hauled off again

That's not exactly what I meant---closing off from your treatment team isn't a great idea they should be able to handle it---plus you can go out just don't get into trouble you know...I just remember something about you driving with the door open or maybe starting a fire or something although I might be confusing that with someone else---stuff like that--- rule breaking that's what I meant about keeping quiet and to yourself---you can do whatever you want as long as its not going to result in the police being called.

As far as being suicidal---that is something you actually do need help on so you can't just hide it and hope it goes away but I sort of disagree with your T's approach of just send her to the hospital because I don't think that's effective except in the very short term. I'm hoping your new pdoc can suggest a new T that might be a little more reasonable and be able to talk to you about your depression. And you will always have us here to talk to...

thanks Sometimes.

yes i started a fire while i was on xanax. and i drove with the car door open.

i dont know what it is about me. im so flawed.

ill ask new pdoc about new therapists. i kept telling the therapist "dont call 911. dont call 911." and she DID. i had NO plan. it was just thoughts.

You're not flawed. You're sick and that's not your fault.

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I'm still hearing voices. I'm scared. I called my pdoc and she increased my medication. I hope it helps and doesn't give me some god awful eps flare but that's hoping for a lot.

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thank you
i hate being sick
cuz my life is so messed up

when u call do u speak to a receptionist?

Yeah. I understand unfortunately.

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Yes.

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just wondering because i always have to too. they wont let me speak to the doctor directly.

Yeah if I want to talk to my doctor directly I have to leave a message for her to call me back and that can take awhile.

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thanks for the info

Hmm, I can't remember the last time I took care of my hygienic needs. Not sure what's up with me because then I keep picturing my teeth falling out and my appearance decreasing because I'm not taking care of myself. Lol oddly enough it's making me more depressed.

i cant afford all the costs this clinic is putting me through anyway. im paying for the nurse and the pdoc AND the therapist almost each month and because they arent filing properly with medicare i keep having to pay 100-200 dollars for each individual visit with the nurse pdoc and therapist. plus my meds. i spent almost 1000 dollars of most of my disability check at this clinic just this month. im out of money for the whole month and its only the 2nd week.

Is it dangerous to quit taking antipsychotics cold turkey? I've tried quitting this one before but heard a voice again but I want to try and quit it again

Yes what happens is you can go into a really bad psychotic break right away----this actually happens to control people without sz too---the reason is the drug blocks your D2 dopamine receptors so the brain increases the total number of receptors to compensate so without the block of the AP there are too many receptors for your normal level of dopamine---the end effect is roughly like taking street drugs---anyway you pretty much have to taper to be safe and not relapse just because of the drug withdrawal.

You're not flawed, I mean when I think of some of the things I wanted to do when I was sick well they were pretty out there. For me though the meds really controlled that kind of thinking so I'm not sure where I would be if they didn't you know.

If you feel the need to, you should do a taper.

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My husband is havin the exact same problem with medicare. He has been on the phone all day with different people trying to fix it. His bank account is minus 400 because suddenly medicare decided he has a spend down which he does not. They took hundreds out of his ssdi payment which means every bill that comes out of his checking account did not get paid. Then the bank fees......
He went to get all his meds filled and his insulin and he has to pay a big copay for each of them. Never had to before and no money to get them. Including his insulin! Were trying to figure out what just happened!
Shouldnt you have medicaid too along with your medicare newtus?

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they said i didnt qualify for medicaid

I'm sorry Newtus! I think a lot of us can relate to this statement. My life is pretty messed up too because of my MI.

if i just kept to myself and was psychotic everything would be fine. i could live a normal life but i cant keep to myself SEEMS LIKE.