Roll Call 17

the only bad thing is that im on injections. to me.

Well,
Your whole goal was to get off injections and have your dose lowered because of side effects.
On you first visit to this new pdoc, she listened to you and lowered it for you which is very nice of her.
She also kept you on celexa and xanax.
It seems like a pretty good experience with this new pdoc, dont you think?
Now, your responsibility is to take all of your meds on time every day to prove that you can do this. Because if not, you know that you will end up on injections again no matter what pdoc you see.
So... Prove to your new pdoc that you can do this.

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yes i realize it up to me but my dad doesnt believe ill take the meds. he doesnt believe me at all. i feel bad for this. i wish he would believe me.

The best way is to prove you can do it by doing it. Not only will he believe you, but he'll be super proud of you, too. And, you should be proud of you, too, Newtus. I really feel you've been doing good working on taking care of yourself.

Yep. Time to prove to him that you can do this.

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thanks SometimesP and punky.

its good to hear someone thinking im doing something right.

i hope my dad will give me a chance

100% go to the new one---sounds like she respects you---they are not your friend they are there to give you the medicine you need and that's about it.

I hate to say this but your dad might actually be benefiting from your sedation----a lot of times drugs like haldol were used to make people more sleepy so they would be easier to care for. The question in my mind is whether he is thinking of what is best for you or what is best for him. I'm not saying this is the case---he's known you a lot longer and he might have other reasons but just consider the fact that it might not be entirely altruistic of him to want you to stick with the current pdoc.

At any rate you've been very unhappy as of late and things won't change unless you change docs at this point like I said you can always go back to the same old clinic if you crash and forget to take your meds then make an appointment with the old pdoc and get back on injections---its really not personal for most of them they are just doing a job. There is no way to find out but to try it...I say go for it! The old clinic is your safety net you can always go back...so you have nothing to lose!

i did think that but idk so much. idk what to think of him benefiting from my situation of being sedated. the doctor said "sleeping is healing for you" and my dad agreed. im definitely thinking hes thinking whats best for me. but not thinking about what side effects im getting out of it. like not really taking in what the side effects are doing to me.

Sleeping is healing for physical illness for sure and but I've never seen a positive correlate with mental ilness. You want to be sure to get a nice 8 hour sleep but sleeping longer promotes an early death and other adverse effects so it depends on how much you are actually getting. Sleep deprivation is for sure linked to psychosis but here is the thing you already have a sleep med (XanaX) as part of your regimen two seems excessive unless you literally can't sleep without it. So I don't know its specific to your situation but the reality is unless you are happy how you are living right now then you have to change docs or things will not get better for you. Perhaps you'll realize that where you're at right now is the best you can do at this moment in time with the technology and treatments available and if that's the case then you can go back. But what if the new doc and 4mg a day is much better? You'll never know unless you try...

Also feeling sluggish is not the same as sleeping well and then feeling energized and if they don't understand that hide the coffee for a day and see who's complaining

Does anyone here ever hear conversations inside your head, but not like external voices, almost like thoughts that aren't your own and they sometimes talk to each other and you have no control over them. Does anyone ever get that? Sorry if I'm not explaining it clearly enough.

I HATE DEPRESSION!!!!! I HATE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!!! I am seriously on the edge right now. I'm seriously considering letting my guard down and seeking professional help. That will be an enormous step for me if I do.

Today I do not believe in my signature below

Cracking: why dont you seek professional help?

(((hugs)))
Thats okay. Im on my phone so I cant see ur signature anyway.

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Hey, I go in March soooo...
Why dont u make one. See if they can help?

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HA, BACK FROM THE PDOC... got my meds back. Lol god... I had to look up if Zyprexa was addictive.

Sort of. I have Other Me who is part of me but also not. I don't know if she's a voice or a personality or a what exactly. I've had her longer than I remember, in fact I never really thought about it until I came to PC. But we talk and we do everything together. But she doesn't control or anything. She gives me advice and things like that. We talk over things. I'm not sure if that's what you mean, but that's what I have.

I bleeping hate everything around me. So much bleeping stress. Unbelievable stress. Loud noise surrounds my worthless self. I hate my worthless life. Everything's going to be fine in the world. I just know it. but not for me of course. Mom needs the expected surgery. She has had back surgeries before and every single one of them has become infected with MRSA. She has nearly died both times. Her back is literally disintegrating. Everything goes for the worst. We are spending tens of thousands of dollars now for the house repairs. Nothing good to report. Yesterday was my worthless birthday. I know right now the Ukraine is bad, but as usual with the world it will go fine. In fact by tonight it will be resolved. Dow is going up. I know North Korea is hellish. Its sad there. Thank God I live in America. But as usual we are going down. Also the chimney on our house is about to fall off. No, I am not joking it is literal. That alone will cost a lot of money. Intel never recovers. In fact I have been saying for 14 years that it will never go to highs again. EVER. 14 years later its still in the same pathetic range. That is all.

I had a very bad experience years ago. I don't trust them. And it's very hard for me to open up & be honest about what's really going on inside my head.

i understand you. thats why i may be quitting therapy.

I hope I am able to let my guard down and seek help. I really hate feeling this way and going through this. I really, really, really HATE my brain!!!!

So I went to a new doctor and am getting put on Geodon...

re: everyone



February does not seem to be going well for us. At least it's almost over. It's too damn cold outside.

Thank you. I was just curious if anyone here had experienced this. It mostly only happens when I'm trying to wind down or if I haven't slept. It's like voices in my head that are distinguishable from my own thoughts and I have no control over. Was just curious if I'm the only person who it happens to. Thanks again.

Glad your tooth is out. Hope you feel better soon. I think you're very brave to go to the dentist. I don't have a dentist atm (I'm on a waiting list for a NHS one), but I'm terrified of going cos I know I'll get told off for not looking after my teeth properly :/

Do you really think your care is good?! Cos you're always on here complaining about the pdoc and the nurse and the injections etc. It sounds like the new one is much better.

especially the bit in bold. You are in charge here Newtus. You can do it!

Yes. The same voices that are outside my head also talk inside my head too.



I feel the same way. I'm terrified of meeting with the psychologist. I don't trust that he's not in on it with the hospital since that's where I met him :/ We can be brave together Cracking

Firebird

Well that's me caught up now!

*Willow*