Roll Call 18

im home. safe. but having hallucinations. im scared to tell my dad.

Luckily I don't have allergies. The guy in the This American Life show had a pretty low quality of life before the hookworms.

Good heavens! There's a person who needs to be prevented from owning weapons.

Can you put a trigger on this one, Erti?

ETA: S.p.'s message quoting Erti's needs a trigger too IMO.

sometimes i dont make posts that i think arent necessary but since i started meds a few months ago or so i dont like seatbelts at all. i hate wearing them. i think its cause i gotten fatter and it rubs against my fat lol

Omg so excited....so the other day a while ago we were talking about IQ I think Punky asked if it was the meds that caused the drop and I didn't know because I have never retested after being off the meds...anyway I apparently regained 10 IQ points! Awesome!

im getting more and more scared to stay home alone as time goes on. my anxiety is growing and growing. im getting weaker and weaker in my mind. i feel like i need to throw up.

People aren't meant to be isolated...you need to find some people around you that you can go out with even if it's just hanging out with the neighbors for a while.

problem is i dont really have anyone. yea i could go see my neighbors. they are in their 60s. im not really wanting to spend time over there. other than that i have no one. i dont really have anyone to begin with. i mean my neighbors? im not sure about that so much. i just got done spending over with my mom where i didnt feel so safe but i tried to feel safe there. it just couldnt happen. she brought me back this morning.

im getting extremely paranoid. i feel like peoples eyes are on my skin. i wanna tear or cut my flesh off.

Increased dopamine D2High receptors in rats reared i... [Synapse. 2009] - PubMed - NCBI

Ok so in this study they raised rats in an isolated environment and it actually changed their dopamine receptors to a higher affinity form which is like priming them for psychosis. Lewis Thomas in the life of the cell talked about ants that lose contact with their colony and they just die. We're supposed to be socially connected. I'm not saying hang out with your neighbors all the time but why not bake some cookies or something even if they are break and bakes and go spend 30 minutes chatting over cookies?

How is the volunteering at petsmart working out have you applied yet? You will meet lots of people there and because they have pets that's an easy convo starter...

thats gone like way over me now.
im feeling so much extreme anxiety its turning into extreme paranoia. i cant even think about leaving my house right now to do anything let alone volunteer. i think i underestimated how much this injection was doing maybe. but i cant go back its too much and their too controlling up at the CMHC. i feel like my insides are jumping. i cant imagine what tomorrow is gonna be like and the next day and the next day. im lik e hypperaware of everything right now. its possible i could be slipping into a psychosis right now.

Are you taking both 2mg pills everyday? Remember your shot may be worth up to 10mg of haldol...I know you have some 5 mg in the house if you feel terrible take it. I remember the first time I tried to taper off meds I keep thinking it would get better after time...I lasted two weeks and they were quite possibly the most miserable 2 weeks of my life...I had to go up from 5mg abilify to 7.5 mg but not the full 10mg. The thing is when I went to 7.5 mg it was nice I wasn't full of anxiety like on five but I wasn't full of the need to be active like on 10mg so it was a balance. Personally I might take a 5mg and a 2 mg each day until you get stable that is much closer to the dose you were on with the injection but it's just for a day if you get too sedated you can just change to a lower dose again. You aren't going to lose anything by increasing the dose slightly in the short term.

i admi t i frgt my meds a couple of times. even my antidepressant so i took it later in the day. its so weird how these pills affect you. i just took my xanax pill in hopes itll work out the anxiety. i been rationing my xanax cuz im not prescribed enough to last me a month. so some days i dont even take it. they really f_ked me over by putting me on that much meds. it really screwed me up.

Yeah I know they did....

Sorry... too late. I can't edit my post now.

I asked a mod to do it because yeah it's far past 4 hours for editing...

where is everybody.

oh i forgot its the weekend.

well the xanax helped a little bit. but i still feel a little anxiety.

Maybe drink some hot tea or something hot? Coffee or hot cocoa?

I was washing my hair...slow to get motivated today....my only real goal is to make the base for these salted caramel cheesecake bites...hoping they turn out well!

Glad you are feeling a little better

i think ill drink some coffee

Hope you're ok Faerie. Have a good weekend too!

It's really frustrating when you can't read. I haven't been able to do it properly for ages, but lately I've been able to skim-read fiction which has been great after so long. I hope it gets better soon.

Glad you're warm & feeling less angry. I'm hoping work will be fine and no one noticed anything amiss Nice to hear from you!

I'm so glad to hear this Sometimes! According to an IQ test I did a year and a half ago (when I wasn't actually too bad depression/voices/brain-wise), I lost 11 points since I started Uni, which I've put down to illness (I actually think it gets much, much lower when I'm really bad). Personally I don't think the meds made much difference to me as, even now while basically off all meds, my brain still feels slow, but I try to hold on to hope that, one day when things get better, my brain will return to normal. Anyway glad to hear such great news!

I've had a busy day! The sun was shining and my sister was out for most of the day, so it's been a pretty good day! Spent the day out with my parents; walked the dogs, had a cuppa, looked round some shops, that kind of thing. Then I came home and prepared the elephants for youth club next week - I cut them out of plastic milk bottles so the kids can cover them in tissue paper - How to make milk bottle elephants | Baby Genie

I made one as an example a few days ago, though I also cut the lid bit off unlike the linked example, and covered the whole thing in light blue tissue paper. Then I waited for it to dry and today I've been drawing an Indian-inspired design on it using ideas from googled henna tattoo designs. It's not finished yet, but I think it looks pretty cool. Am going to keep it on my shelf Then the bottom part of the milk bottles will be used to make baskets for Mother's Day (in the UK it's at the end of March) using a hole punch and some string which the kids can then decorate. I'm going to make some cupcakes for the kids to decorate too and then they can put them in their baskets to take home to Mum. Google has such great craft ideas!

*Willow*

I was on before but closed my account, I got paranoid. I have bipolar disorder but have went into a psychosis before. I decided to post here bc u guys seem really supportive of each other. When I was on before I posted in the bp forum but there was always fighting between members and I didn't find it helpful.

So I hope to get to know you guys. I hope it's a better experience than the one I had before. I need support I isolate way too much.

Those elephants are cool you have to put up a pic when you finish your henna design! Sounds like you're having fun...I'm so glad!

today was so bad. i had so much anxiety. its starting to come back up. i did as you said sometimes and i visited my neighbors for and hour or two. that helped a little bit but they seem to have a lot going on right now today. so i came back. but im getting extra paranoid right now. i cant take too much more xanax cuz i have to ration them cuz i dont have enough for the whole month.