Roll Call 18

But the 2 would go hand in hand surely? I think people are watching me (?paranoia), which makes me feel anxious (heart racing, sweating, nausea etc).

Eta: So in T should I focus on reducing anxiety to these thoughts, or in trying to stop the thoughts?? Tbh I don't really want to disclose these type of thoughts any more because I don't feel safe admitting to them in case they think I'm faking again :/

*Willow*

i think they do too. im the same as you willow. if i have paranoia i have anxiety too.

Well, I have anxiety with my paranoia but I also have anxiety alone. I can have anxiety over pretty much anything. Here's a good one. Last night I sat on the remote and canceled the show that was recording. I set it to record the next showing, then had a panic attack because I canceled the first showing, despite already having resolved the issue.

Making errors gives me huge anxiety and panic attacks. I get anxiety over weird things like trying to count a group of objects. Or things like answering the phone or go to the store, which are more common. It really effects me a lot and is sometimes paralyzingly.

From what your saying, its paranoia.
She KNOWS people.are.talking about her.
She.KNOWS she is going to get beat up but cant explain why....see what im saying?
She alway says "I just know it!"

But she has anxiety about her health. That she has illnesses.

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Ok but if you ever forget entirely you can probably take a 2nd pill with your night dose because you can take as much as 5mg at once. This should keep your blood levels up and help keep you stable.

Yeah me too. At this point I find it hard to work out what I'm anxious about because it feels so generalised. And if I can link it to a specific thought, like 'I'm being followed', is it necessarily paranoia if I believe it's true? Paranoia to me means a judgement has been made (by oneself or another) that the belief is unjustified. So one can't acknowledge a paranoid delusion at the time because if one acknowledges it's unjustified, then it no longer remains a delusion...am I making sense? If someone says they feel paranoid, by definition they are acknowledging that their anxiety is irrational.



*Willow*

Yea. Keep the med level in your body. It will make you feel better. Dont forgrt the 2 mg tonight with your AP.

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ill try not to forget. im eating taco bell burrito right now. no cheese! im lactose intolerant!

Do you ever get nervous having to give a talk in public or meeting a new person? The nervousness in the pit of your stomach is anxiety. Now if you're afraid of giving a talk because you think people will boo you or you're afraid of meeting a new person because they'll hate you that's closer to paranoia but still anxiety because "normal" people have those thoughts cross their mind as well. Now for it to be paranoia you kind of have to think something that's really unlikely and believe not just that it could happen but it absolutely will happen. For example---I'm afraid of meeting a new person because they are actually a member of secret organization sent to spy on me. Paranoia has to have at least a hint of delusion in it where anxiety that stuff could actually happen---its not likely but people could boo you or hate you but the chance that someone you just met is actually an agent sent to spy on you is pretty much zero unless you have some important job like president/prime minister or belong to a terrorist cell. A lot of people with psychosis have anxiety as well.

does anyone else who take xanax notice it makes them binge eat?

Ive taken it in the past and yes... Munchies!

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Thanks Sometimes! So what I said below about paranoia meaning the anxiety is unjustified.

I would acknowledge that my fear of being attacked is paranoid as I know it is unlikely, yet it causes severe fear at times. However I don't consider my worries about the CMHT and Govt etc as paranoia because I know that it's really happening.

It's hard to know whether it's the thoughts that lead to anxiety, or the anxiety symptoms themselves that I need to work on. Is it possible to find ways to prevent/manage the anxiety through T without discussing the thoughts that lead to them?? I just don't feel comfortable mentioning the thought process behind the anxiety symptoms because the CMHT isn't safe any more... :/

*Willow*

For me I am really forgetful and not as creative as I was before the meds. Get bored easily. The docs have said its a combination of the meds and going into psychosis. It sucks but if I don't take the latuda then I'm really depressed and paranoid. Idk it sucks for me having to take meds.

I'm feeling paranoid I posted stuff on here the other night that I shouldn't have. The last couple of days I've just been in bed sleeping and watching tv.

Does anyone on here struggle with getting out? I think I'm having some agoraphobia. Idk if I tell the psych nurse she will want to raise the latuda and I don't want to take more bc I will get akathisia more.

I hate that I have to take these meds to function ok.

So here is the way I see it..at the time of a brand new delusion that involves something fearful it is registered as anxiety even though it's actually paranoia...however a lot of people have recurrent delusions and have been told it's paranoia so they already know what it it is. It doesn't make the delusion feel any less real and it will still feel like anxiety but it's paranoia. So anxiety can occur alone or if you have paranoia you will have the feeling of anxiety as part of the paranoia.

As far as thoughts vs feelings the thoughts always precede the feelings. They might even be subconscious but it's a process of negative cognition that makes you feel sick to your stomach etc. If you want to fix anxiety without talking about the thoughts you're going to have to use drugs....the very basis of cbt which is the therapy that works for anxiety is dealing with the underlying thoughts and you really need to tell a T about it because it's nearly impossible to do yourself. How do you know you're thinking about something wrong if thats how you've thought your whole life and perhaps how everyone in your family has thought too. I remember one hallucination being triggered by passing a guy on the sidewalk I was nervous because I didn't want him to feel bad for going too slow or my leg might give out when I tried to pass him or something then a voice just said paranoid. When it talked about it with my T she was like why would he be worried about going to slow...I've never felt anyone who passed me was making some sort of value judgement. Then we talked about how likely it was that my leg would give out or not. Now I don't think anything when I pass people it's effortless.

Sunshine Sometimes I feel anxious about what I've posted here, but the vast majority of times I'm worrying unnecessarily. I also struggle with going out because that makes me anxious too. After Christmas I spent a month in the house, mostly in my bed, due to depression and not wanting to go out, but also fear of something bad happening if I went outside. Now I feel less depressed and a bit more motivated so I'm going out more, but I still feel anxious and have to force myself to get out of the house.

*Willow*

That's what I was afraid of *sigh* Don't know what to do about that...I don't want meds, but the psychologist isn't safe :/

*Willow*

I hope you know you can post here without judgement...
Just saying.


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Willow this may be rude of me to ask but I'm wondering do you ever feel happy or satisfied when you get something that you want? I'm just thinking of ECT at one point you really wanted it and then you changed your mind and it was forced on you but it stopped the voices which is also something you wanted. Now you get the therapy that you've always wanted but you don't want to cooperate with the therapist...so that's my question do you stop and be thankful when you do get something good? I'm just wondering because some people don't feel they deserve good things and it blocks their ability to enjoy them...this is often one of the underlying negative cognitions with depression. Anyway you don't have to answer but I just wanted you to know that I think you deserve good things and happiness and that you are a good person.

Lol, I wonder why the hospital put me on the Zyprexa when I specifically said that I wanna try drugs that wasn't as prone to weight gain. I was at 208 pounds before starting it. I've been on it and gained as much as 240 pounds... however after starting medication for my fatty liver and per-diabeties I manage to get back down to 221. Even all weight gain and health issues while gaining weight Zyprexa is a wonder drug.

There seems to be a pretty strong correlation between weight gain and effectiveness against psychosis...so far no really effective drug has proven weight neutral even the ones that are considered weight neutral like abilify and Geodon can still cause weight gain in some people it's just less than say zyprexa...you know 10-20 pounds vs 80 within a month.

Basically when you go to the hospital instead of an outpatient pdoc they have one goal fast stabilization...abilify is apparently garbage for this because it takes too long to work they don't typically use it in the hospital ...I don't know about Geodon but usually they will go for risperidone or zyprexa because they are fast and effective but they have some of the worst side effects. I can't say I understand the kinetics of getting the drug to work but that is the reason I saw in one of the doctor forums. The hospital really doesn't care about long term care because they won't see the 30 pounds you've gained they will only see you if you become psychotic again so they have different goals than an outpatient doc.

Makes sense. I've tried Abilify and it did nothing for me. Never tried Geodon before. I've also been through quite a few medications. That can also be a factor.

Those are the only two atypicals that don't cause weight gain...Geodon also has the odd bit you have to take it with meals it's necessary to absorb the drug. I don't think there are any others albeit I don't know much about Latuda it's so new. They also generally try to keep you away from the typicals if the atypicals work for you due to TD risk.

Ok Latuda is supposed to be weight neutral but I'm guessing $$$$ so it may depend on the insurance you have....even when I took abilify my pdoc actually had to justify it...I guess too many people are taking it for depression at $1000 a month.

Well, I've tried a typical AP called Perphenazine (mostly because of cost for typical AP's aren't as expensive as Atypical AP) and it gave me muscle spasms in my face. According to the pdoc because of that I can't take typical AP because that one was the least likely to do it and the others will do the same thing.