Roll Call 18

What ya paranoid about?

police and cars following me. im a targeted individual and im being gangstalked.

screaming mean words and numbers in my head today. and i'm so cold. i wish i could just go to bed with the heating pad when i get home, but i know i wont be able to.

You remember how we talked about balancing psychosis with the meds....this is one of the tradeoffs of lower meds... increased paranoia. Is it OK for you to feel this way or do you want to change it and there are other ways to change it than medicine although that's the easiest. If you want to change it and don't want the sedation of meds cbt can work for this for some people...but if you don't want to change it and sort of enjoy being part of the game again I get that too.

Sound scary especially with police following you and strange cars.

ugg. Im sorry your feeling like this again.
(((hugs)))

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(((hugs)))
What do you have to do when you get home that makes you not able?
Thay should make a heating pad that uses batteries so you can use it anywhere.

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idk what to do.

ima see how long i can ride this out and keep you all updated on my paranoia and hallucinations as they come. its started to slightly become unbearable.

If it becomes unbearable you will tell your dad?

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I'm not sleeping well. I keep waking up entirely too early, and oddly full of energy, like I couldn't go back to sleep if I tried.

Keep in mind its a fine line at some point you won't realize anymore that it's paranoia and it will become your world. It a very tricky balance and it's most intense when you lower a med----once your brain readjusts to the lower dose it shouldn't be as bad. You can always go back up slightly if you need to because I know you have more haldol in the house---don't see it as permanent just tapering down more slowly---10% at a time is recommended by psych survivors and 25% is what I did with pdoc support but you are doing more than that at least 33%-60%. You could also do sort of a prn thing with a couple of mg when you need it just don't let it get out of control OK? Be safe...

Do you get seasonal mood changes? I always start waking up earlier in the spring due to the increase in sunshine...

ill try my best and yes ill tell my dad. ill try to be safe. ill let you all know when im having hallucinations and paranoia. right now im having police cars follow me.

I know I'm replying to my own quote but don't feel like editing---anyway what might work for this and research is minimal is blueblockers sunglasses if you're going to be in the sun. There is some evidence that it's actually the blue wavelengths of light which are responsible for regulating our moods in SAD and maybe even bipolar so its worth a shot if you can't sleep. They can also screen the blue light from electronic devices which tends to make you more sleepy at night. Anyway worth a shot.

This is what im thinking to Atypical.
It seems like a lot are having this happen.
If so, its good news. spring is close!

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It's possible though I'm pretty bad at knowing what my moods even are. I don't have much awareness of them.

Ever see a sunset during a blizzard?
Pretty amazing.
[ATTACH]

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I'm glad you'll tell your dad if it's too much. But, I'll say what you said to me yesterday: "Could it be coincidence?" Just remember that reality checking starts with trying to think that if you see a cop-car.

Gr3tta: I agree going home and just relaxing would be so nice. My home is far too crazy for me to relax 98% of the time. I completely understand.

AD: It could be seasonal with the sun rising early. That is possible. I can't fall asleep if the sun is up unless I'm bare bones exhausted or sick.

So here is a link to the study for bipolar

Dark therapy for bipolar disorder using amber... [Med Hypotheses. 2008] - PubMed - NCBI

Basically they gave people with bipolar blueblocking sunglasses and told them to put them on starting at 8pm at night and around 42% showed notable clinical improvement and the rest pretty much had no change. So either it works really well or doesn't do any harm.

Yeah I'm not sure what it is. I'm seriously waking up at 4:30 in the morning and I'm all ready to go. It's weird.

It's bed time but I don't want to go to sleep because then it will be tomorrow and I don't want to go to the GP!

*Willow*

How areyou feeling besides waking up earlier. Is it causing problems or is it just a really strange feeling to be up at that god awful time?

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I feel good, great even. I'm just waking up so early that it's driving me a bit batty!

Thats right. I forgot about that. Well, tomorrow it will be done. I know you have had TONS of anxiety over this. You got this though! (((hugs)))

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