Roll Call 19

voices are gone. yay! T and i played rummy for an hour. i beat him :P . he said he would call toinight but i texted him and told him he didnt have to cos the voices went away after my nap. im at my friends house right now. hes smoking weed. but im not. i dont mind that he does it around me. i dont crave it or anything so its ok.

my genetic test said that latuda would be good for me. but i think T was nervous to try it in case it didnt work . i would like to see what its about though

Is she missing?

You've been missing from Roll Call! So happy to see you here again! How are you? How's your son doing? How's the chickens?

My son's fine. Still reducing his meds.


My chickens are also fine. I bought four Black Australorp chicks a couple of weeks ago. And tonight I bought 2 Brown Leghorns and 3 Speckled Sussex.


And I'm fine also.

I'm here I'm totally fine I'm just not sure what I can add to the forum anymore because it's like my mind just wants to forget any of this ever happened to me. It like my brain is rewriting history. What is reminds me of is how sometimes when someone is really obese and they get skinny it's hard for them to hang out with other people who are still heavy because it's an aspect of themselves that they no longer accept despite the fact that they totally understand. It's like my brain is telling me how terrible psychosis is/was rather than some of the neat things about the experience. It's an unbalanced perspective. I just don't want to bring this negativity to you guys. I'm starting to feel like an outsider here and I'm trying to figure out if it's time for me to move on with my life or just to have a more limited role in terms of some of the more science based stuff or recovery or whatever. Just not sure right now but I feel like a jerk for feeling this way but it's like there is a division between what I am now and what I was. Like take clozapine...when I was sick I was all no way I'm touching that stuff it's poison cause it is but now I'm like clozaril is useful in certain hard to treat cases as a last resort etc and I would personally consider it...it's just weird it's like now that the threat that I would actually have to take it is gone I think about it entirely differently and I don't think it's a fair perspective. It's easy enough to say take a med when you're not personally dealing with the side effects. So that's what's going on I just don't have a good solution it's like I just want to go back into the mainstream world and blend in and forget all the psychiatrists and meds etc. like it was a bad bad dream.

I think I understand. But it's great that you see that perspective. I wish more professional psych ppl were like that. Understood how hard it is to take some of these meds. U add a lot especially about the science part of it.

I got out! Finally, and got groceries and the money order for rent. My son is on Skype with his friends. He used to always hang out with me. Not so much anymore. He's growing into a man! It's hard to believe he's 18.

I'm really tired and have been getting just horrible headaches lately. Idk if it's the latuda or what.

Yeah problem is I feel like I'm going to lose that perspective somehow and just end up sounding like someone's pdoc or mom or something. That's why I'm sort of waiting to see what happens it may just naturally rebalance so I can maintain both perspectives but if my insight into what it feels like to have psychosis disappears I'm not going to be useful here so much as irritating. The last thing I want to do is destroy the secret garden by joining the other side.

Have you ever tried melatonin supplements or chamomile tea?

I slept like 3 hours. I just took more meds. This sucks bc I'm gonna have to figure out something else for sleep. Ugh...I hate this. Almost out of visteral. Just went to the pharmacy. I'm hoping my son will go for me. It's not that far away I just can't do it with my back injury. I had surgery on my back like 7 yrs ago, it's never been the same since then.

This suuuucccckkks!! I've tried so many meds for sleep. I don't know what else we can try. I'm not going back on seroquel...no way. I can't think of what else we can try. So frustrating

bean on his wheel

Does he have a ball so he can roam the house?