Roll Call 21

I thought it was a good movie. It wasn't as sad as I was expecting, though I did get triggered and cried at the bit where he's given insulin therapy, because I thought they were going to give him ECT and that made me think of when I had it, but other than that I thought it was really good.

to you all. Hope Bean is better soon

I hope everyone is having a good weekend!

*Willow*

So I'm watching stress portrait of a killer on netflix streaming....I may have mentioned this saplosky guy before he's at Stanford and studies stress in baboons. Basically baboons are huge jerks to each other highly aggressive and hiarchical...this is pretty standard but like twenty years ago this one troop because the were foraging in a human dump got exposed to TB and half the troop died. Interstingly it was primarily aggressive males and females and more mellow social males were left behind. It changed the whole culture of the troop and even now and even after the addition of males from the outside they have kept this peaceful way of life and all of their stress related blood hormones remain low. In a typical troop your rank determines your stress level with alphas being the least stressed and those with the lowest rank being the most. They took a British civil service office and looked at the same blood tests and it was the same as in monkeys...low rank high stress etc. But there is this idea that we can change and be more like the mellow baboon troop...the key is giving people more control and engaging in social behaviors like giving rather than yelling and discipline etc. Thought it was intersting...

I watched that movie years ago and I thought about watching it soon. It's weird watching those kinds of movies with someone that knows you well though like when I watched "Strange Voices" with my boyfriend he said that it was like watching me in a movie because I did a lot of those things. In the beginning when the girl was freaking out from her voices my boyfriend said I did the exact same thing and he told me "this is what it's like to watch you, it might make since to you, but I don't understand your episodes".

Taking an extra dose of my meds helped me so much. I finally got all my abnormal psych hw done, took a shower, and got ice cream with my friends. Today was a very good day

Hope everyone is well. I'm having a really hard time. Just crying all day. I think the latuda is making me anxious and insomnia. Idk what to do so the last couple of days I've been taking zyprexa bc I have some extra here. It's helped some. But I'm still only sleeping like 2 hours or so the last couple days.

I called my psych nurse and she wasn't in so they transferred me to someone else and they never called back. I'm telling you if this is gonna be my life I don't want it. I don't.

Too many meds and they're not even working. Wtf is wrong with me? Why can't I sleep

Sounds like you're manic which I too have been struggling with. My antipsychotic being increased, less stress, and good sleep are the only thing that breaks my cycle.

The podcast was The Thinking Atheist, and they were talking about the myth that religiosity, superstition, or irrationality had anything to do with intelligence and they referenced this study on patternality. Didn't have a chance to look for the original study. But anyway it's consistent with things I've heard about how relatives of people with schizophrenia tend to get "benefits" from mildly schizophrenic-like symptoms (creativity for example).

Cool thanks!

Sleep is a real pain...you take it for granted when it happens but as soon as it doesn't you're miserable. So one of the great non-medical interventions is blocking blue light. People have come to rely on using electronic devices often before bed. There are studies that show this artificially tricks the brain into believing it's still daytime so it doesn't get sleepy. It's a little different than reading a book with ambient light or even watching a TV across the room because you're looking directly into a light so nearby. Anyway there was a study of people with bipolar where they gave them blueblocker sunglasses and they use them a few hours before bed. It didn't work for everyone but I think it was about half reported success. Some people didn't like it because they started getting sleepy too early but other than that no negative impact. You can just order a pair pretty cheap from amazon. Also for laptops etc there are specific programs that will cut the blue spectrum emission but since you use a kindle I doubt that's an option but if you have a paper white you might want to cut the light before bed and if you have a fire try the sunglasses.

A Beautiful Mind is okay, but I preferred the documentary A Brilliant Madness. They interview John Nash about his actual experiences. The movie took some artistic license. Also, the movie says Nash came out of his psychosis due to newer antipsychotic medication. Not true, but the movie makers were afraid that if they were honest (Nash recovered without medication) people with sz would quit their meds.

A Brilliant Madness: John Nash - Watch Free Documentary Online

Since we're talking about movies...

I feel like a lot of science fiction/horror movies are a good representation of what I'm going through (Donnie Darko and 12 Monkeys come to mind), the only difference is that at the end of the movies it turns out everything was real and there's some kind of resolution... for me it never seems to end until I'm either hospitalized or on tons of meds.

Wow that sounded a lot more depressing than I intended haha.

Also, has anyone seen the movie "I'm A Cyborg But That's Okay"? It's a Korean movie about a psychotic girl who believes that she's a cyborg programmed to destroy humans... She goes to a psych hospital where she meets a psychotic guy and it's somewhat romantic. Not in-your-face romantic though. I thought it was cute.

Ok wow, I was looking for the trailer on Youtube and actually found the whole subtitled movie if anyone's interested...



EDIT: Not the highest quality video though, sorry.

My son watched Donnie Darko repeatedly during and right after that last really bad episode he had.

i have a job interview tomorrow at 10am.....im nervous

Well I got some sleep. Took a lot of meds to achieve it. Dealing with some other stuff. I'm only on a low dose of the latuda so I'm still feeling paranoid. I see my psych nurse on Wednesday. I'll see then what next steps to take.

Thanks for responding sometimes.

Yeah I'm going through a manic episode, if I wasn't taking the zyprexa I would have been in the hospital by now. My case management wanted me to go ip but it's a awful place and just makes my symptoms worse. I'll tell you our mental health care sucks.

I love a beautiful mind. I'm gonna see if I can find the one ur talking about Costello.

What's donnie darko about?

Ur on risperdal right? Risperdal works the best for me but the hunger is too much. But I may end up on it. Have u gained any weight on it?

i miss T right now

You miss ur therapist right now. It that what ur saying?

yes...hes on vacation

Oh. When will he be back?

Tuesday.,.. i just want him to give me encouragement for my interview but i wont text him cuz hes on vacation and i dont want to bother him

I'm sure you'll do great! Just wondering though do you have other supportive people in your life....friends family etc. That's one of the things you could be building now. My understanding is we often develop these close supportive relationships with our T's but in the end it's just supposed to be a model for what you can achieve with anyone. These kind of forced separations drive home the fact that that the T relationship is not in fact perfect but that there is more for us in the outside world...people without arbitrary boundaries etc. Still I have heard of people who will give out small objects of little value like a polished rock as sort of a transitional object the same way that stuffed animals are given as you separate slightly from your parents as you grow.