Roll Call 24

Well...I just took my new meds.it was a hard choice to make but I am certainly not going to get any better unless I try to make an effort.

That's great---let us know if they work for you...

thats a horrible sign.


im sitting here next to my dads six 20gauge guns. time is moving so slow.

not trying to freak anyone out but its a thought to me. even if i didnt do it today - i know one day one of these guns are gonna be my fatality.

It does take work.

Hopefully people here can support you.

I know its a horrible sign but it is a sign the meds are working---and as far as the guns---your dad should have a gun safe where they are locked up. They shouldn't be a temptation to you every time this happens---you should really talk to him about locking them away....

Did you ever make any art with your pictures from Cali?

im hopeless and no i didnt.
im a hopeless case

You are not hopeless in any way....things are definitely rough right now but they will get better...it takes time but things will get better...

Newtus---would it help if you went over and spent some time with the neighbors...just to get out of the house for a bit?

ill try to trust you on that. ive been feeling this way for a few days now.

idk i dont feel like seeing anybody. plus all they do is watch tv all day and i mean ALL day. idk if thats cause they are older and 1 is sick but thats all they do. so if i went i would just be sitting there watching tv with them.

Oh yeah my parents are like 65 ish and they just watch TV all day too...I remember being in the hospital begging for them to tell me of the outside world and they had nothing to say because they would just get lost in TV all day.

i dont understand how anyone can just watch tv all day. i like to be out doing things.

Well the only differences I am noticing at the moment is its a little easier for me to focus because the voices dont seem as loud its kind of like a slight shift?it feels like something has shifted and I am also feeling sleepy my vision is a little blurry and the colors around me for some reason seem a little bit brighter?I dont know if that is normal or not its not listed in the side effects.

What meds are you taking? Have you ever taken any meds before?

This might seem weird but it feels like the voices and hallucinations were in the front of my brain/mind and now a circle has turned and they are pushed backed into the other part of my mind at the moment.they are still there I still here them but they arent as in my face atm.

I think it's pretty common for the voices and hallucinations not to go away altogether but to just quiet down so they're more tolerable.

I am currently on 2mg of Haldol and 20mg Prozac.I have never taken any medications before.it feels different though. I was told to take the Haldol twice daily and the Prozac once daily.

That's how I describe my 'delusions'. They're now pushed to the back of my mind rather than at the front

i wish i never had schizophrenia. i wish i never gone to therapy or psychologist as a little girl. i wish it was never discovered in me. i wish i wasnt on disability. i wish i wasnt involved in any of thi s stuff.

my life is ruined forever. it will never be the same. its never been any different but it sucks.

thats a good incentive to kill myself.

If you're having effects already that's actually a really good sign---for me I lost about half the voices overnight and the rest got quieter---some people it can take weeks or months to work or for some people actually not work at all. Sleepy is not surprising a lot of them are sedative and best taken before you go to bed...not sure about the blurred vision/colors thing---for me colors were brighter when I was psychotic....if it keeps up I would for sure call the pdoc about the blurriness...

Newtus, I don't post on here often, but I would encourage you to consider voluntarily going to the hospital you prefer in the area so that you can be somewhere safe. You mentioned that earlier. I know going into the hospital isn't what you want to do, but if you need a way to be somewhere safe from anything that might cause you to hurt yourself, perhaps it is time to think about it. Your thinking is worrisome right now. Just hope you can stay safe.

newtus that is sort of how I was feeling after my diagnosis.but dont kill yourself please.

Newtus, things CAN get better. Don't give up yet. Maybe try and think about the things/people u do have in ur life that bring happiness to you.

Hmm well I will talk with my pdoc about the vision thing if it keeps going on but its not as bad atm.I am supposed to take the APs twice daily does this mean I wont be able to drive while I am taking these?because I dont know how safe it would be for me to drive while feeling sleepy.

I get blurred vision from my meds lillybird