Roll Call 25

Heard voices while taking a shower. I ended up reading the shampoo ingredients to make sure it didn't contain crushed bees. They're making me kinda paranoid about what's in the shampoo I wash my hair with.

I'm sorry about your car!!!!What caused it? I am happy you are safe!!!

why do I keep having these horrible things run through my mind?sometimes they make so much sense that I make up reasons why I need to act upon them.like cutting my eyelids off or carving my skin off my face or setting my hair and my clothes on fire or cutting off a finger.they seem to make so much sense at the moment but seem so insane later when I think back.sometimes I want to carve every word going through my head into my flesh all over my body.I dont know what to do it sounds so horrible am I a horrible person for wanting to do these things to myself?

and I keep having these hallucinations I will try to explain the best that I can.2 friends of mine had to go into the washroom at a store.one is a guy the other is a girl so one went into the mens room and the other one went into the womens room.I hallucinated that the girl went into the mens room and the guy went into the womens room so I was about to open up the door to one and let them know they went into the wrong rooms.but then I saw that I had hallucinated the whole thing and they were both in the right rooms.I am having confusing hallucinations like this very often.and sometimes I hallucinate that someone said something that they never said.I thought one friend said hey look at that guy he looks like will ferrell and I agreed saying yes he does but wills hair is more curly.my friend looked at me and said what are you talking about.so I explained what I heard and they said I dont know what your talking about I havent said anything I was just sitting here texting.so now I either think its a new hallucination or I now have the ability to read other peoples minds.

-removed/never mind-

i saw my pdoc today. almost missed my appt it was so early.

she said it was ok for me to take 5mg at night and 2mg in the morning. because it doesnt make me tired.

she also raised my celexa to 40mg and she said "we cant go any higher".

Ya two weeks ago I had the recurrent psychosis of a magical hovering yellow basketball (It's also purple at the same time) that gave me great knowledge. The ceiling would tell me what to do and there's spies and evil entities and I know too much about society so the government is after me like when I hear a car coming towards me, I would sound like a police helicopter and they would break into my house etc etc.

It makes a "whole bunch of sense" I said to my psychologist but it doesn't it does. We both laughed because it sounds ridiculous but there's a part of me that still believes that is kept quiet with meds. Whether we believe these things or not, we have to at least pretend that we believe the "wrong" thing ie reality.

Magical thinking is like our faults except its completely not because it makes "so much sense" when our minds are in that super trippy state.

What I'm going to do is keep taking low dose antipsychotics and wait until im mature and experienced enough to control these quatsi-psychotic thoughts without it turning into complete psychosis. I hear that Schizotypal symptoms are less pronounced during middle age.

I don't know your dx but it applies to everyone that gets these thoughts. I have a friend with OCD that writes invisible words of the start of every sentence thought during agitation.

I think it was too late. I didn't want it to keep me awake, either. I'll take it this afternoon. In any case, I slept really well last night. Almost makes me want to stop the abilify, but I won't, because it has a long half life and is still in my system, so is in no way indicative of how it would be off the med.

I'm glad you found such a reasonable pdoc---did you sign the thing so your T could talk to her yet? If so its a really good sign she's not going to over-medicate you regardless of what they say....

yea i signed the thing. idk if they talked to her yet tho. yea so far shes been a good pdoc.

i am a little depressed and bored. i dont have any money except a few dollars inmy wallet and my bank acct is at a deficit. so i have no money to pick up my meds. or do anything else. i also have no gas. my dads at work.

i wonder if my hamster bean ever gets bored

He might. Do you have a dog?

Did you ever get him a play ball so he can roll around?

no i still dont have money to get him one


yes i do

having paranoia and some bad thoughts. my sister tells me its not good to be at home alone all the time with nothign to do

What kind of dog do you have?

hes a miniature schnauzer

A candid response to a redditor's question from one of my heroes that I've kept in my wallet for 2 years... - Imgur

Love this ...

I liked that too.

im crazy!
officially certified by the government.

I wonder how cracking is.
She has been missing for a few days. Hope she is alright...

punky

How are YOU doing though?

i dont understand how people think im not fat. i just dont get it. dont they see my stomach and thighs? i forgot to ask my pdoc about metaformin.

Meh. A mess.
Ill be ok. Thank you though for asking.

punky