Roll Call 25

I'm doing alright. I'm about to go to my dads tomorrow night/morning. There is some drama going on there with my sister and her ex. Actually with my dad's side of the family and my sisters ex. Apparently my sisters ex tried to run my dad off the road with my niece in the car (my sisters ex's daughter). Then he threaten that 7 other guys will come to my dad's house and threaten to burn down my dad's house. So my sister's ex got arrested and then facebook drama happen after he got out of jail. Lots of threats coming from my sisters ex's family and friends and butthurt because my dad called the police because of threats.

Yeah, I heard from the boy I went on a date with. Thinking about going on another. Possibly a picnic at the park or a movie.

someone on another website just went after me attacking me about how bad my grammar apparently is and how I need to learn how to write because my writing sucks -_- wow you know I might not have the best grammar but they didnt have to be so rude.

****, sounds dramatic, lol

You should go on another date. See how it goes...

Just ignore them. Their losers to go after u like that, not worth ur time.

I'm making a grilled cheese sandwich. I've barely ate today.

Exactly I did not reply to them either.but I get so tired of people who act like that I understand some people have bad grammar and that can be irritating to some people.
but they have NO business trying to correct other peoples writing.I get that some people are huge grammar nazis and improper grammar annoys them.but seriously,correcting everyone and being rude is even more of a nuisance than people who dont use proper grammar and punctuation and whatever.

Lol... honestly all this drama from my dads side of the family makes me laugh. I have to admit I'm a little irritated but honestly they're nothing more than white trash.

I plan on it. Lol according to my mom he told his mom that he thought I was pretty.

I am currently listening to this full album

I used to listen to this album all the time I have always loved CKY.

I'm doing animal related things to relieve stress. That and it's a good way for me to cope with voices. Though I'm sure people were reading my mind in that shop. Why else would they stare at me like that?

This was my favourite album by this band when I was 14

its been ages since I heard this.I tried to play some of their newer music it just isnt the same and kinda disappointed me.but its ok because this album still rocks

I g2g now and get myself prepared for the pdoc visit today.bbl bye

Take care Lilly

Good luck lily

Animals are so good for the soul. I always feel like that when people stare at me too

I feel really distant today. Not quite here

I always thought the general rule was if you self diagnose schizophrenia then you don't have it because people with it don't know they have it. That's what I've been taught. Probably wrong though

Newtus...the meds may not be fully effective for you but they do keep you out of the hospital and they do keep you seeing the therapist you like...sunshine is right about starting a quitting all the time.

Here is the problem with losing weight then getting back on the meds you will gain it back. I know how it is on those meds....for me not eating was almost painful...it wasn't all hunger so much as stopping an intense need for food. You can't fight it. Typically your weight on meds doesn't stabilize for around a year so it's not some sort of short term battle where you can just fight it for a while.

You have to decide if being able to live in the world outside of a hospital is worth a little weight gain albeit that might be reduced with metformin. You've got one med that works right now and it's the strongest...what happens when that stops working because you keep switching on and off it. What happens when you can get no relief from anything.

I know your stuck between two bad outcomes but you need to figure out which you want healthier mentally allowed freedom and interaction with your T and other outpatient facilities.

Unfortunately the other outcome is much bleaker. You sometimes complain on here of how you used to be and how things are different now and while this is not true for everyone for some people more psychotic breaks cause increasing damage over time and you start to lose function permanently. Also the world isn't going to let you be fully psychotic you will end up in hospital and one of these days they will decide not to let you back out....you already said you a avoided state hospital once I would hate to see that happen to you....and if it does you could end up not only overweight but alone and with no freedom of choice in anything.

This is something you have to decide...a week ago you were desperate to see your T....how would it feel if you were banned from seeing her due to noncompliance on your meds? What if you rarely got to see your dad because he had to work during hospital visiting hours?

I had no idea but a lot people have insight and do know so it's kind of a myth...

I diagnose myself because I don't open up to doctor's or therapists about my thoughts. I don't accept them as hallucinations, they're very organized and explainable, but the normal world would label it schizophrenia. My behavior fits it too, I think. I know I react to my thoughts in ways others wouldn't which is a delusion. But again, I was reacting based on logical thought. What I have are theories. But while I have negative 'symptoms' that I call down time, or depression, I don't believe them as much yet I can't consider they're not real. Life would seem meaningless and incredibly short.

youre right on that last paragraph about my dad. i need to start taking my meds for HIM. i dont want to be in state hospital with no freedom or choice. its just so hard. you know? im obsessed with my weight so much.

i guess i do complain on here

Hey....its PC and thats what were.all here for. Support.

punky

Nothing like just getting out of the bath, freshly shaved, and laying butt naked on the bed with the laptop on watching anime. Oh and the fan blowing on me. Ah so free.

T called me last night . said he was watching Its Always Sunny. he helped me take my meds and told me the voices would be gone when i wake up. and they are gone. so now hopefully no voices for the next month. i got the shot in my hip this time because i had a bad reaction to it in my arm. because the muscle is so small. it was a huge hard lump in my arm and hurt really badly. it hurts in my hip but not as much.

well i work 2 to 8 today. find out my schedule for the week too. i hope my mom can come down this weekend. ill have to clean up my apartment though. she likes things clean and im a bit messy.

i feel relieved the voices are gone. and now i can finally eat something. bc they yell at me when i eat food. so i just dont do it.

im hearing voices today. i feel very lonely. well i feel like that everyday. so...

Have u thought about looking into volunteering somewhere, like the animal shelter or something?

that would get u out of ur house and around other people