Roll Call 25

Having trouble with voices again while I was in college. It's not as frightening when I'm surrounded by other people. The voices were telling me to trip up a person I now consider to be my friend. I refused to do it. I'm not going to turn into a bully to please them. I guess I'll have to tell my team that the medication isn't working when they come to visit again.

its TOMORROw. the agreement plan rules are going to be said TOMORROW

they called me and changed my time from 11 to 10am
somethings up

i cant eat i cant sleep i cant breathe

Maybe they just wanted to give you extra time to discuss the contract as well as therapy?

If potentially separating from this therapist is causing so much stress I wonder if continuing to see her will make it worse when you eventually won't be seeing her anymore---I mean the only thing they have to hold out against you is the possibility that you'll have to see someone else...

what if she has cops show up inside while im signing this agreement plan? like standing inside the room?

whats the worse that could happen? idk im so scared and worried. its making me nauseous and giving me migraines

Newtus....
They would have showed up the day u went to hospital the last time you saw her. This is a meeting to set up rules of conduct. By law, they have to tell you what their rules are so that if you break them, they can drop you as a patient. It has everything to do with covering their butts. (((hug)))

punky

@punky

your exactly right i think. i think its about covering themselves and protecting themselves. i made a HUGE mistake by threatening her. i never was and never meant to actually hurt her. i told her i was OVER it a long time ago and had no more thoughts of hurting her for over a week. and she still put me in the hospital.

oh well. if its JUST ABOUT conduct ill follow them. i just want to see her again. ive been seeing her for a year.

I know you didnt mean it hun.
But this is how they legally can drop you if they need to. You are just going to sign an agreement so that you dont say those things again.

punky

It will be okay. Bring your dad so he can explain to you better.

punky

i HOPE thats all it is. she said if i break the rules ill be discharged and if i disagree with them ill be discharged immediately. i have a feeling its gonna be about going to see a doctor there and being on injections again

it could be really simple things like not missing appointments etc...I had to sign something like that with the current pdoc...it was not a big deal...

what do you guys think is the worse that could happen? im jw because i essentially basically "threatened" this therapist

im freaking out over here

If she didn't want to see you again she would just say bye----threatening is already sufficient grounds to break the therapeutic contract---she wouldn't even have to establish alternate care for you.

So from this you can conclude she wants to see you...admittedly with some guidelines most likely recommended by her supervisor...

I have no idea what they will be but I doubt they will be unmanagble...

yea she said she needs to meet with her supervisor.

im just so nervous and scared about whats gonna happen. im freaking out all over the place. i dont want her to discharge me...

someone help me

newtus i think u should let it rest til tomorrow i mean theres no point freaking out about it when you dont know what is going to happen. people are trying to help you.

sorry im just so so so so so scared and worried. i feel like im on death row or something.

thank you for all that helped me

I know that you're freaking out over this meeting Newtus, and I'm sorry about that But I don't think returning to this T is in your best interests. The likelihood is that in some time in the future you will have another suicidal or homicidal thought and you should be able to talk about this with a T who realises that a thought is just a thought and who can accurately assess whether you are likely to act on it. You've said that this woman overreacts over the slightest thing. You didn't threaten her from my understanding - you just told her about a thought you had i.e. "I thought about doing X to you" NOT "I AM GOING to do X to you". They are very different things IMO. You've also said that she does not give you any coping skills...so how exactly does this T help you??? I know that you are attached but, like with your Mum, the relationship is not beneficial for you. If you are considering injections, then ask new pdoc about it. Don't go back to T and old pdoc and allow yourself to be put on high injections again. You know from last time that pdoc there won't listen to you about dosage or side effects. You need to work out what is in your best interests and go from there. If staying with T is truly what you think is best, then fine, but if you're only staying because you're too scared to find someone new and better, well you deserve better than that Newtus!

to everyone else. Sorry Bean is still struggling Punky. Nice to see you Faerie! And to all the newbies

*Willow*

well in my defense i wasnt talking much in therapy. i think thats why she didnt give me coping skills. but when she tried to get me to goto a new doc there she mentioned another doc not the old pdoc i had. i just dont know if i have to goto a new pdoc and if this new one will be like the old pdoc. if they just want contact with my new pdoc thats fine. i can do that.

but this therapist actually took me for walks and let me walk around the building and we had therapy in places other than the office. and she would give me candy and took me around the big building and gave me coffee and stuff. she is reeal laid back. but DOES jump to conclusions fast.

i should prob talk more in therapy. i just sit there

Lol surprise they don't make you talk. All my therapist made me talk and if I didn't have much to say they cut the session short.

i told my T that i wanted to cut his throat once. but he didnt react like ur T did. he just explored my anger wtih me. talking is what makes therapy work. just sitting there isnt going to do anything. Ts arent mind readers. i think if u choose to go back to this T u should be more proactive in ur therapeutic relationship and actually utilize her for what shes there for