Roll Call 26

May 28, 2014, 11:27 PM

Hey everyone, I'm having a really hard time right now. I'm crying. I'm just involved with something that is exposing some trauma I went through and whoa, I get really upset. But I just can't stay away from it, ya know? It's just so messed up...

May 28, 2014, 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by punkybrewster6k

I am leaving this house. My husband has been trying to force Bean and I out for weeks now. Even calling the police to try and make them force us to leave. The police gave me a card with his number written on it for domestic violence. I finally give up. We leave in the next few days.

Bean does not deserve this. She cannot be raised to think all a woman deserves is to be treated this way.

I will not allow a man to teach her that this is how to be treated.

She is begging to leave this house and I dont blame her. It is a neverending hell with the hurtful filth that comes out of his mouth.

I am so sad and scared to go across the country to a place I dont know. But it is the only way to get away from him. Its my fault. I put Bean and I in this situation and I am so sorry for that.

We will finally have peace in our life instead of chaos. There was never peace and happiness here. Only his drama and crisis all day long every day.

He is an abuser who will never admit or accept that fact. It will always be someone elses fault and in this case, mine.

I am a kind, loving, well educated woman who fell for sweet talk and then it turned to poison.

Sorry about putting this here on roll call but you are all my friends and I need you all so much right now. I cant stop crying.

I have so much guilt for allowing this behavior and for allowing Bean to see it. We should have left years ago with the first warning signs.

Thank you for listening. Oxox

punky

I'm so sorry punky.

nobody deserves abuse.

I'm crying too.

May 28, 2014, 11:41 PM

sunshine

May 29, 2014, 12:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cracking Slowly

sunshine

Thank you cracking, soooo much. That means a lot.

I'm finally settling down. Watching my silly cats play. My friends told me to stop for the night, but I didn't listen. And my period still hast come, ugh!!! How are u doing?

May 29, 2014, 01:00 AM

Anybody up?

justmeandmyhead · May 29, 2014, 06:12 AM

Oh punky I'm so sorry to hear youv been treat so badly I really hope you and bean can get to a safe place and rebuild your lives

justmeandmyhead · May 29, 2014, 06:18 AM

Sunshine I hope you feel a bit better

StarStrike · May 29, 2014, 09:06 AM

The voices have managed to get to me this morning. The demanded that I SI and well, I just gave in and did what they wanted me to. I've been having a rather bad day, but meeting a couple of friends when I gained the courage to leave my home made me feel a little bit better.

justmeandmyhead · May 29, 2014, 10:34 AM

That must be hard starstrike hope you can look after the injury and glad you had a good time with friends

justmeandmyhead · May 29, 2014, 10:38 AM

I had an appt with my cpn and we talked about bpd. She said she sees no bpd symptoms in me and that she spoke to my psych and he just said schizophrenia. Must admit I'm relieved, that diagnosis gave me hell

Atypical_Disaster · May 29, 2014, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justmeandmyhead

I had an appt with my cpn and we talked about bpd. She said she sees no bpd symptoms in me and that she spoke to my psych and he just said schizophrenia. Must admit I'm relieved, that diagnosis gave me hell

I was misdiagnosed with BPD for YEARS. It wasn't a good experience for me at all. I meet none of the criteria so I don't know what the **** they were thinking. Doctors can be so ****ing stupid.

Sometimes psychotic · May 29, 2014, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justmeandmyhead

I had an appt with my cpn and we talked about bpd. She said she sees no bpd symptoms in me and that she spoke to my psych and he just said schizophrenia. Must admit I'm relieved, that diagnosis gave me hell

In the US they generally try not to diagnose any sort of axis II (personality disorder) when you have an active axis I disorder(bp, sz, sza etc).

I'm not saying it doesn't happen but its generally regarded as invalid....

junkDNA · May 29, 2014, 11:16 AM

well i took the abilify last night and got horrible akathesia. it was so bad i wanted to cry. i texted T and he said he will ask pdoc in the morning. so T talked to pdoc this morning and i take the abilify at lunch now. i have a lot of stress right now with bills and my trust paying for them. im trying to get a higher scholarship for the program im in. the full price for the level im on is 1,000$ a month. that might sound high but the fee for the first level is $14,500 a month. and they dont take insurance. but i have a scholarship now that makes it $550. but that was based on my moms finances. so im trying to see if i can pay less based on my finances. its all so stressful, i just spent an hour with my recovery coach doing a lot of things.

justmeandmyhead · May 29, 2014, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

In the US they generally try not to diagnose any sort of axis II (personality disorder) when you have an active axis I disorder(bp, sz, sza etc).

I'm not saying it doesn't happen but its generally regarded as invalid....

That sounds like a better system to me. When someone's in a psychotic crisis of course they're going to be a bit erratic and emotional

Atypical_Disaster · May 29, 2014, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

In the US they generally try not to diagnose any sort of axis II (personality disorder) when you have an active axis I disorder(bp, sz, sza etc).

I'm not saying it doesn't happen but its generally regarded as invalid....

I wish they'd done that with me. My axis I disorder isn't active now and wouldn't you know my axis II stuff is so much clearer now! Doctors can be seriously stupid. I think they're for the most part incompetent.

Sometimes psychotic · May 29, 2014, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

I wish they'd done that with me. My axis I disorder isn't active now and wouldn't you know my axis II stuff is so much clearer now! Doctors can be seriously stupid. I think they're for the most part incompetent.

Yeah unfortunately a lot of psychs are at the bottom of their class so not all of them actually learn important things like this---they are far too focused on page 1 that says rule out malingering etc....to be fair they need to keep a ton of drugs/possible dxes straight while we're typically focused on one but I really wish that specialists in psychosis were more common because mine did a great job with it....

Lillybird90 · May 29, 2014, 12:07 PM

I feel like screaming so loud everyone around where I live can hear me.when the house is empty I will scream kick the walls and throw non breakable items around as a way to relive stress not sure if its healthy or not but I am so glad no one is home right now.lol

TheatreKid · May 29, 2014, 12:14 PM

I did standup comedy in class today and it went over extremely well.

Sometimes psychotic · May 29, 2014, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheatreKid

I did standup comedy in class today and it went over extremely well.

That's awesome!

Lillybird90 · May 29, 2014, 12:23 PM

I feel SO much better

May 29, 2014, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunshine1995

Thank you cracking, soooo much. That means a lot.

I'm finally settling down. Watching my silly cats play. My friends told me to stop for the night, but I didn't listen. And my period still hast come, ugh!!! How are u doing?

So sorry sunshine! I was asleep when you posted. I do hope you're feeling better today. I'm feeling a bit depressed today. I've got too much time on my hands with being off from work. It gets to me after a while. I have zero motivation too so it's a double edged sword. I've just gotta force myself to not go down the rabbit hole!

May 29, 2014, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lillybird90

I feel like screaming so loud everyone around where I live can hear me.when the house is empty I will scream kick the walls and throw non breakable items around as a way to relive stress not sure if its healthy or not but I am so glad no one is home right now.lol

You need a punching bag!

May 29, 2014, 12:49 PM

I wonder how newtus is doing. She hasn't posted in a while

newtus · May 29, 2014, 01:09 PM

im still scared to drive. so i been having my dad drive me around but he has to go back to work tomorrow so this sucks. im pissed cuz i cant lose weight. im trying so hard. i cant get out of the 130s. my dad says my goal weight of 105 was ok if i was still a teeneger. but my stomach protrudes in my shirts and my thighs are huge.

my paranoia is back full swing. i see airplanes everywhere divebombing my house.

Sometimes psychotic · May 29, 2014, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

im still scared to drive. so i been having my dad drive me around but he has to go back to work tomorrow so this sucks. im pissed cuz i cant lose weight. im trying so hard. i cant get out of the 130s. my dad says my goal weight of 105 was ok if i was still a teeneger. but my stomach protrudes in my shirts and my thighs are huge.

my paranoia is back full swing. i see airplanes everywhere divebombing my house.

Thanks for posting so we know you are OK---I'm sorry things aren't going well for you right now---did you ever get a hold of your doc about the AD making you hypomanic?

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