Roll Call 33

I don't think so. I think he wanted to look up my info though...weirdo....

What's the cranial nerve stuff about?

Is that a good thing?

Not sure basic reflexes pushing back, muscle weakness kind of stuff I think if any of your Nerves are damaged that kind of stuff will show up...they didn't think it was likely anyway I think she did it just to train her student in tbh....

I guess it isn't a bad thing. I'm nervous to do so. lol I'm all like "I want my mommy" in my head. My mom thinks it maybe good for me. To get to know my dad better.

That's good right?

I guess it isn't a bad thing. I'm nervous to do so. lol I'm all like "I want my mommy" in my head. My mom thinks it maybe good for me. To get to know my dad better.

i have a lot of stress going on right now. family problems mainly. i wonder how this is gonna affect my illness. i know it will negatively. maybe i should rephrase that: "I wonder WHEN its gonna start affecting me".

sucks...

I've always thought that was what my son's psychosis was about.

hey guys

so my day started off really ******. i ended up writing T this really depressing email last night. he texted me today and said he read it and asked how i was feeling. at that point i still felt upset and he was supportive. i didnt want to isolate myself all day. so i went to the campus and ate lunch. then i went to meet with this apartment manager to get on the wait list for an apartment. it will most likely be a long time before i will ever get in there. it's like section 8 but nice and the same rent i pay now.

after that i went to my friends and we had fun. we went to target and ate dinner at chilis. we laughed a lot. also i got my work schedule. and it worked out that i can meet T on friday at 2pm and the pdoc at 11:30 am. im glad i dont work friday so i can meet T and pdoc but im scheduled for 21 hours at work. i know thats not a lot to some people but it is for me and work has been triggering lately. at least it means more money... ? ? ?

anyway im meeting 'other' T tomorrow morning. im trying to get him to approve me packing my own meds and getting them refilled myself. my T wants me to start doing that so i can be prepared for when i leave the program. so i need other Ts approval and pdocs approval. i think they will approve it.

so yeah my day started off really ****** but got a lot better. and it's all because i chose to leave my apartment and be around other people.

I drew a symbol on my arm to prevent agents from hurting me because when they see it it scrambles the computer that controls them a hacker beamed that info into my mind to try and help me out.

I can relate to this, a lot.

i signed up for eharmony. :/

Omg, having another thunderstorm. More than likely the power is gonna go out. Third time this summer....this SUCKS!!!!

hope it doesnt go out!!!!!!!!!

I'm in an area that will mostly get hit again. I'm drying clothes, so at least I'll have some clean clothes. Last time I didn't have any. I don't have many clothes...Ugh any minute....It's crazy MASSIVE amounts of thunder and lightening. 60 a mile winds, it's dark and dusty. God this completely sucks....

Alright, so I haven't been on in awhile...here are the thoughts that stood out to me as I read through the roll call entries:

Newtus-we are about the same height (I'm 5'2'') and within 5 lbs of each other. I weighed 104 in July of 2012, before starting zyprexa, almost the same as your starting weight. So we have similar stories as far as weight gain is concerned. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I find that it is very difficult for me to lose weight at a noticeable pace, but I do consistently lose a little bit each day by following a diet of 1400 Calories and exercising for 30 minutes (eliptical, bike, etc) 4 times a week. I managed to keep my weight in the 130s for months doing that...then I stopped and gained again.

Please do not starve yourself. You will seriously damage your body. And any weight you lose you will gain right back. I don't think 5'2'' 145 is anywhere near fat, though I understand how you feel because I feel fat sometimes due to the rapid weight gain, even though I know I'm still at a normal or almost normal weight.

Sometimes-Abilify really sedated me every time the dose was increased, but I found that I adjusted to the sedation within a few days. After enough time had passed, I took 15 mg without feeling more tired than I usually do.

Amazing-I'm sorry about how difficult it is for you to go to school everyday, knowing that they are trying to mind-control you. Keep posting here; we'll continue to support you. It's hard being so young and having these symptoms. I had my first major episode at 12, so I know what it is like.

Everyone-interesting theory on psychosis developing as a way to escape reality. I think there may be some truth to that, though sometimes the realities I created in my head are more terrifying than the realities that everyone else experiences, with demons and stuff.

Anyone I missed-sorry! I do care...

About what is going on with me-I've been doing better than I was last time I posted. More hopeful. I'm having some strange thoughts that I'm afraid will turn into delusions if I'm not careful (I'm a demon trapped in a human body-this is the root of my misery. Killing myself would free my spirit, but it would also sever it from humanity and allow my full, evil demonic nature to be unleashed. I must keep my body alive if I want to be a force for good; only my human side can keep my demonic side in check).

I have enough insight to acknowledge that these thoughts are strange and likely not a reflection of reality. Just worried about them getting worse.

I decided last minute to apply to medical school this cycle, so today I submitted the AMCAS primary application. Also sent transcripts from every school I've attended to AMCAS. I don't know if I'm strong or stable enough for med school and life as a doctor, but I guess I'll find out. I'm going to take a lot of courses similar to what is taught at med school this year for my masters, so hopefully that will give me an idea before I actually commit to going to a med school.

Omg, they are saying there won't be as many power outages. Last time there were 50,000 ppl with outages, this time so far only 15,000. I think we may be ok...yay!!!

I've never in my life dealt with power outages like this. So I know I may be being dramatic, but it sucked not having power within weeks of each other. My cats are scared though...poor babies. Ok it's calming down, thank God....

anyone wanting to talk with me tonight? anyone up?

I'm up Newtus.ifin ya want ta chat.
It's 12:01 here now so you probably have gone to sleep by now.
Hope & pray you and everyone in this forum has a peaceful night with plenty of sleep.
Goodnight all!

anyone else up late. im still. took my meds but they need time to kick in

Still on line newtus if u want to converse?

I'll be looking for that sleeping aid soon if sleep doesent come soon.
Think it's those darn red pills for burning with ths bladder infection that's got me hyped up.

I meant no one in my family cares but thank you for that anyway you guys its good to know some people care.