Roll Call 33

I bought some caffeine pills and took 1400mg so we'll see how 20 cups of coffee does...

Omg i threw up it will get worse aaaaah sorry im fine but jeez

hey im ok. late response. getting ready to go meet other T at 11. then work 5 to 9 30.

it's an open connection. it isn't password protected. i have like 4 neighbors so im wondering who it is.

Oh no!

The weight gain has scared me from even trying olanzapine :/

We've found Frontline so ineffective the last 18 months. The vet thinks they're getting resistant to it cos lots of people are having the same problem lately. That's why we've been experimenting with different brands. Hopefully you'll find one that neither of them react to.

Thanks. I couldn't go to sleep again last night, and then slept in until 2pm so tonight is going to be even worse :/ My own fault though. A combination of tiredness and wanting to avoid being awake. I read in the depression forum the other week about a t-shirt that read 'I love sleep! It's like death but without the committment!' which I could relate to. I actually told my T about it last week cos I thought it was funny...maybe that's why my anti-psychiatry T actually suggested meds! Lol

When I'm at Uni I live in the student areas and lots of houses have unusual wifi names. Like last year 4 houses had penguin related names, which I'm assuming was a private joke, like 'penguins attack' and 'penguins unite' lol

It's nice that you could talk to him this time, cos I think last time you were too scared that you'd start crying? Do you think the Abilify is making you more sociable in general?

I'm having a Duvet Day today. It's my second one in as many weeks, which isn't good. Some distant relatives popped by unexpectedly this morning and I refused to get up to see them, which I do feel guilty about, but I just couldn't face making small talk and admitting to deferring Uni again all the while knowing that they're judging me for being lazy and pathetic. And that's not in my head! They don't get mental health stuff at all. I saw them a week after I left hospital and they told my parents afterwards that they were surprised to see how well I looked considering how poorly my parents had 'made out' I was...I don't know if they expected me to have 2 heads or something!! But even when I was in hospital under section, I still made it to my brother's engagement party and looked 'normal'...ugh!

*Willow*

you do know that caffeine in excess amounts can induce psychosis?

probably best that u threw it up. u can overdose on caffeine.

Caffeine Overdose Symptoms: Facts and Fiction

I really like your sky quote Junk. It really resonates with me lately. And I've always loved your Super Kitty animation too

*Willow*

They didn't forget about me - so I got my depot.
My solicitor is away on leave, so I saw someone else - I knew she was though and anyway I met with the other one today and he thinks I have zero chance.

That's what my solicitor said as well.

ZehR - I like lots of caffeine, but you should be careful.

I think it does---I generally feel better on it----I'm also not thinking as negatively about psych in general. It probably also helped that I was next to one of the last open seats

Throw up, back to work, throw up, back to work, throw up, back to work.

Conclusion: A wise man once said, learn from another's mistakes.

my day has turned out to be really sh_tty.

so i went to see my psychiatrist today. and first of fall...my "case manager"... f_cking actually A THERAPIST... was there. my doctor had this stupid smile on his face and said "you dont mind if she comes in?" i said "WHATEVER" but in my mind i was so pissed and i couldnt hold it back. i was cursing in my head violently.

and THEN when i tried to tell him i got the papers from my discharge he kept cutting me off. he didnt care to listen.

second of all...he forgot my name. ugh. im just a number to these people . im sick of it. im really really really really really sick of it. im sick of not having therapy anymore. im sick of being treated like im unwanted. im sick of not being listened to. im sick of just everything having to do with seeing these people.

im just so pissed today. its not funny. its just true. im really really really pissed. everytime i goto see these people i get depressed because of how they treat me. its like this non-chalant "i dont give a f_ck about you. youre not worth my time" attitude they have.

i dont understand why i cant have a good therapist and psychiatrist. i just dont understand. i dont know why. and im crying a bit right now because all this confuses me and im confused and hurt and angry. they have CUT OFF my therapy and given me this bad indian psychiatrist who cant speak english that good. and both people dont care about me. im just a number to them. i just dont understand. i feel like its ruining me.

As long as you stay at that clinic it's going to be bad---I know Dallas is far but it might be worthwhile to drive closer to there just to get some decent care....up to you.

true i guess idk. im just so confused and angry right now. honestly to be completely honest - i dont know how to get to dallas. i only know how to get about a 30 mile radius around me. but thats it. i dont really know how to get to dallas. thats like 40-50 miles away from me. my dad cant take me. he just doesnt have time anymore and he constantly is tired and in a bad mood usually.

i just wish this wasnt happpening to me. i really do. it really honestly makes me want to cry. because im hurt ok? i wish i had friends to support me. i just dont have any.

Oh man, have you thought about filing a complaint? I know here we have ppl that can help you, called ombuds. I so understand though. I was at an agency that the therapist were just assholes and treated ppl like, you're an annoyance and a waste of our time. It really made me feel like s_it!

Well I slept about 3 hrs. Idk, if I should stay up or go back to sleep. Any thoughts?

I decided I'm gonna stay up and go to bed at 8 tonight.

We're all in such pain right now.

Maybe next month will be better. I'll make a statistics chart so I can predict the weather in our hell.

Forecast for today: very very hot with a chance of molten rain which may cause the river of -500 pH acid of gods tears of laughter to overflow

treat it like international travel---if the sun is out stay awake even if it hurts but sleep or at least try if its dark----

Unfortunately friends don't just happen after school is over you have to really put yourself out there---maybe you'll be better off when you apply for that psych class you might meet some new people.

My friend uses an app called scout for turn by turn directions based on her phone's gps.....it's usually pretty good.

Really good idea. What sucks is that I'll take my meds at about 6 to be sleepy by 8. But my body wants to stay awake, it's so used to this schedule I'm on.

But I should be asleep by midnight. I've just gotta set my alarm so I don't sleep until early afternoon, lol. I'll set it for 9am...

I took this drug when I first got sick. Wow what a difference after three days! At first it made me drowsy and extremely hungry. My doctor welcomed the weight gain because I was underweight at the time. Life started to improve after three months when the side effects hypotension and somnolence started to recede.

Zyprexa seems to have antidepressant properties. My mood and motivation improved on it. Before I started taking it I was really lazy and unmotivated to do anything and socialize. Antidepressants never really worked for my depressions so that makes me wonder if I really have depression. Antidepressants work for my obsessive thoughts though.

Sometimes psychotic, check ur mail...