Roll Call 33

I think it's a fabulous idea! The great thing about volunteering is that they are thrilled to have volunteers for as long as they've got them, but you can stop at any time.

Maybe it would be a great way to reenter social situations in a small way before taking a college class?

yea may be the best route to go. although i would be taking college online.

I'm feeling paranoid and unsafe. But I made some of my self care box. It helped, you should try it.

I am on 10 mg of haldol now hoping this helps.I also need to get out of this house or I am going to have a break down.I am feeling less and less safe being outside especially by myself I feel like someones going to try to shoot at me or something.

i feel the exact same way everyday...

I just realized all I've eaten today was toast. So now I'm having a special k protein shake.

My illness is flaring up. Not a good feeling at all. More ptsd symptoms than bp though.

So newtus and lily, I know my paranoia gets worse if I don't eat. Have u guys eaten today?

I havent eaven eaten anything at all today other than a mini candy bar that I ate when I first woke up this morning.I have been eating less often than normal lately anyway though.
maybe I should make a sandwich to eat.

ive eaten a normal amount today. but im trying to eat a little bit less to lose weight. ive been binging all week and gained 10 pounds in the last month from binging alone.

You really need to eat. Could u try having some toast with peanut butter on it maybe? Or just toast and milk. Those are the foods I go to when I have no appetite. I just make myself eat it...

I will probably go make myself a toasted cheese sandwich.thanks for caring.and for the tip.
I never really thought about not eating much having anything to do with increased paranoia.

Yeah and the food helps the meds work better.

I just took my night meds. I hope I sleep. I've only slept about 4 hrs the last two nights. Drinking chamomile tea too.

Goodnight!

I cant sleep so I went online and hunted for some free beauty supply samples by mail and ordered some they didnt have many but I got a free sample face scrub and a free sample of lip gloss.I like getting free samples sometimes.

Well I went to bed early and slept. I slept about 4 hrs. I feel wide awake. This isn't good. I need more sleep, ugh...

I don't know if I should just take more meds? I think I'm gonna take another doxepin and benadryl.

Hope you're asleep now!

My problem with sleep at the moment is I wake up around 4am & my voice keeps me awake. Seems a lot worse at night, which was never a problem last time outwith my active phase... I guess I was on meds then though.

Just reading that apparently excess dopamine promotes wakefulness, so I suppose it all fits in with relapsing & the dopamine hypothesis.

Oh right.

Hope everyone got enough rest.

I went down to a local charity shop to volunteer. I handed them the form I filled out and they've put off my induction training until the 30th. I thought charities would jump at the chance of free labour. Apparently I was wrong. I get turned down so many times. I cannot understand what is going on. I just want to work. I'm sorry I'm, just so frustrated. It's not like I'm lazy. I'm willing to sacrifice my weekends to work in a charity shop. Do I scare people off or something? Is it the way I dress. Because I always dress smartly when doing anything like this. Is it the way I act? I always try to behave nicely to everyone even towards those who steal my thoughts when I'm out in public. I just don't get it. Why put off induction day when it's as clear as glass that I'm willing to work for nothing.

Ahem... Sorry for the long rant. It's just I'm I'm sick of being put down. Now I'm on medication that works all I want to do is get on with my life. Though doing that is more difficult than I could imagine.

kept waking up in the middle of the night. sucks. still tired.

im so broke its not even funny. my debit and credit card is maxed out. no cash. nothing. will probably have to do without cigarettes for awhile. thats good for my health tho. but no gas so cant go anywhere. nothing.

As someone who helps hire people a lot of it has to do with the schedule of the people who will be training you----training is the hardest part and they can't do their job while simultaneously training you...I doubt it has anything to do with you as a person they are likely just busy.

Yeah, I understand that. I want to do some volunteering at our animal shelter. They said I need to go down for an interview. I'm gonna wait until I get a car. I think it's good they screen ppl. Like at the animal shelter u could be an animal abuser ya know? So I think it's good they screen for that. But I'm sure I'm gonna get fleas and then my cats will too. So I'm gonna have to get the flea medicine. Which I hate doing bc my cat midnight gets a little sick for a couple days when I put it on him.

I'm also going to look at volunteering with battered women. And also with teen runaway.

Just keep trying, I think you will find something.

Well I ended up taking more benadryl and doxepin. I also took a zyprexa. I slept 6 hrs, yay! I feel much, much better. I meet with my peer counselor today at 1pm. We are going to go to a park probably and walk around. I also am probably gonna see if my sister can loan me a little money and get hair dye and a couple t-shirts. Barely have any clothes that fit. Damn weight gain...Ugh.

How is everyone?

Where do you get the free samples?

Here on the psych ward for the past few days, finally got my phone back!

Filled with olanzapine so I am :P

Feeling better though, was a rough weekend, and I now have a bald patch on the side of my head haha