Roll Call 34

i think im going to do an entry in my journal real quick. but posting here is like journaling for me too.

my dad keeps joking that my therapist resigned because i threatened her awhile back. which i doubt is truthful. i think it has to do with pay. my dad said that too anyway at first. that it probably has to do with the clinic reducing her pay or asking her to take less than what she normally was. he said he thinks thats why the 3 psychiatrists left there too a couple of weeks ago.

My daughter has bp, dx as a young teen. At first she HATED meds because she so loved hypomania.. It was her normal. She complained mightily that the meds made her feel numb and lifeless. After about 3 months of taking it tho (under my watchful eyes), she started to feel *real* emotions. She became overwhelmed at first, because her bipolar mind had been spinning and racing so fast all the time that she had never noticed what was going on around her. on meds, for the first time ever, she started noticing the feelings of others. It was a beautiful awakening for her. And for me, it was like watching a flower unfold. She still talks about what a shock it was to her system to be cut off from her constant hypomania/mania. She has grown into such a compassionate young woman. And I'll tell you, she wouldn't trade mere normalcy for anything now

I kinda just woke up.....

I want a new AD that works better I didnt take any of my meds yet i ran out of ritalin im not doing it again i promise myself i want to get my life on track i want to go back to school **** what everyone else thinks. If I want to be a doctor, I WILL. Im getting no support from my parents and i thought they would. Im not being a welder screw that. My boss told me if im late for a third time, hes going to fire me. screw him too cuz half the people quit the job already this week because the place is too serious.

Disease of the mind

Alcohol..

I'm sick of the injections, so I've decided I'm not going to get it this week and I'm not going to go to the hospital when I get my recall letter either.

I'm not being forced to do things I don't want to do anymore.

I need a haircut

some time around you are going to be forced to do something. i suggest taking the injections voluntarily to quiet your mind and then see if you can get off of them with some compliance started.

Even if I was getting it every time, I'd still be on it for ages. My nurse said they want me on the CTO for a long time.

I read its hard to get off - when they put you on one.

youre kinda in a bind here. you only have two choices. the injection and the hospital. if i were you id choose the injection

I'm setting up mu water distillery again- this time I'm actually going to use it

I'm sorry that you feel so restricted by your CTO.

If I'm understanding things correctly, I would advise you against not doing things you should otherwise surely you will be forcefully hospitalised & have virtually no scope for coming off the CTO by your request in the future.

The only way you can gain more say is through compliance however much that may suck. To put it another way, don't let them 'win'...

Newtus, lawscot, I really don't want my injection though and obviously I don't want to go to the hospital either.

I don't like the medication and I don't feel like myself when I'm taking it and I have other reasons because I still think it's poisoning me.

well what do you think youre going to do? honestly? you seem to only have two options. what are you gonna do?

I'm not going to get it, the worse that can happen is 72 hours max in hospital.

well i finished my homework.

while i was studying someone tapped at my door. this rarely happens and when it does i freak out and usually hide in my bedroom. for some reason i went to the door. it was this guy asking to use my phone. i was getting ready to say um i dont have a phone (lol) but a truck drove by and the guy was like "oh, there he is" and walked away. after i shut the door i could feel my heart beating really hard in my chest!!!

Sorry I've been AWOL. I've been really busy the last few days; loads to do and little sleep so basically running on adrenaline. I will try to read back & catch up on what's been going on, but not tonight cos I'm so tired my eyes can barely focus on the words.

Hope you're all ok

*Willow*

thats so scary junkdna. i wouldve freaked out too. be careful. i wouldnt allow ANYONE to use my phone. stranger danger!

but why do you keep wanting to goto the hospital everytime? when you get out they are just gonna want you on meds again.

Ok just tasted the water and it was better than the regular water from my fridge.

Thanks for that. Yeah, I'm going through the horrid remorse. Was mean to my sister Kim who just brought me a whole bunch of art supplies. I feel so bad.

See when I'm hypo, I want to save the world, but then everything comes crashing in on me, and its he'll. Then I take my meds as prescribed get bored and then start decreasing some and increasing some. Right now at this moment I can see it. But when my mood changes my thoughts change and there starts the cycle again. But thank you. Has got me thinking...

its a boring sunday

Not for me...3-day weekend yay!

I hope u guys don't go off your meds. I regret messing with mine every single time...

I have to be on them. This is a serious illness. I mean I was starting to think my family all hated me. I was thinking ppl from that organization were trying to destroy me. It's not true. They don't have that power. I need the meds. I need to be stable for my son and myself. It worries him and my family when I get so paranoid and irrational and don't feel safe. Oh man, I can see it clearly right now. I'm writing it out with my new cool pens and putting it on the fridge. I'm gonna do that now.

Please you guys don't mess around with your meds without your drs help.

We have a serious illness.

everyday is like the weekend for me. thats what my therapist said to me anyway.

plus my dad has to work these three days. sucks.