Roll Call 34

Happy a birthday swim party for my 10 year old son. All is well today. Not as anxious as I thought I'd be. Thanks Grey Goose.

Let it go. This isn't doing you any good.

Well now my sister is off on her day. But I should have thought of it sooner. I've been cleaning and I just colored 2 pics. It was fun haven't done that since my son was little. Backs hurting taking a little break.

iIM TRYING. IM TRYING TO LET IT GO BUT I CANT. ITS HARD.

I'm sure it will take a normal grieving period....but what you are doing right now is detectable often you will show up as a possible friend when you've been surfing someone's page so be aware of that.

Why not? I've seen you on here doing nothing but complaining about this therapist and how she was so restrictive and over reactive and always putting you in the hospital. I don't understand the logic here.

well i took my friend to the university. then i left to go see T. on the way T texted me and said we might have to reschedule cuz of this dumb parade downtown and they blocked all the streets off. i told him that sucked cuz i was planning on meeting him while my friend was with her advisor. well it turned out since i was coming from a different direction than i normally go T said there was a alternate route into that city from the city i was coming from. so he told me how to get there and i made it on time!!! T pulled in a huge truck i was like wtf cuz that's not his car. he said he was moving and using his dads truck. he looked funny in the giant truck. T is on the shorter side hes around my height i think he is 5'7" so he looked funny driving the truck.

we walked around the graveyard again and saw a cop car hiding at the furthest corner of the graveyard just sitting in his patrol car in the shade. it was pretty obvious he was slacking on his job, lol. T asked if i was feeling any different about things like that i was paranoid about last week. i do feel different now. he kept asking me what i think made the difference. i think he wants me to see how important the shot is in helping me stabilize. it was really hot outside. we went inside to his new office and talked. we talked about some kinda heavy things in the office. but it was ok.

after that i went to pick up my friend and we went to the mall. i got my glasses tightened at lenscrafter cuz they were crooked. i really hate when my glasses are crooked.

so i had a fun time today. it was a good day. i just texted T and told him life is so much more easier when i am not paranoid about things. i said i want to stay like this and never go back to that and that i hope that's not impossible. he said it's not.

i got attached to her. thats the thing. plus i poured out everything about myself to her. i feel like its no longer confidential. i saw her for more than a year!

i didnt really know that. thanks for the heads up. sh_t now im worried

It's still confidential. Confidentiality doesn't stop just because a therapist stops working with a client.

I do have a question for you newtus and others here who have or have had therapists... how does the attachment thing work? I've been to several therapists, and I've never gotten attached to any of them.

If someone can explain to me how "attachment" to therapists work, I would appreciate it. I would like to understand.

Last weekend had to be the worse time I had at a convention.

sorry to hear that erti. did something go wrong?

I feel the same way. Oh man, I was so paranoid. It had been building up for a couple weeks, then omg just out of control. I can see it so clearly now...Ugh. I so hope I remember...

My ex boyfriend took another girl to the formal dance with him and gave her flowers and everything right in front of me. I also got my ex boyfriend mad at me because I mention to that girl (which I know he likes) that him and I have been been sleeping together after breaking up. The topic was brought up during a conversation about I needed to go to the bathroom and my ex was in the shower. I said, "oh well hes seen me naked." Than the girl that my ex likes said, "that would be awkward since you two broken up." and then I said, "well we've slept together outside our relationship so yeah."

I can try. The one therapist I had that was fabulous, well I didn't trust her one bit at first. She was very gentle. I slowly started to see that she only wanted to help me. I opened up to her very slowly about SOME of the abuses I went through in that organization and in my teens. She was gentle and never pushed me. She helped me leave that organization. She saw me twice a week for free.

She held my hand and told me what was happening in that organization was wrong and I didn't have to put up with it. She helped give me the strength to leave.

I will never, ever forget her. If I wanted I could call her. She has moved though and she told me keep looking until I can find someone to work with that i feel safe with. Then call. That hasn't happened yet so until it does I'm not calling til I've healed more.

I'm still a little attached. But it's much better.

ya. T said he noticed it coming on gradually. i can see that now. it's just so hard when things like that are so real to us and everyone else is saying it's not real. it's so confusing for me. i hope i get to a place where i can be able to assure myself what is real and what isnt

for me - regarding this therapist - even though she did put me in hospital and did all this things - she was gentle with me. she always seemed to listen to me. i mean there were some times where she was overreactive but she did listen. she never pushed me beyond limits that i couldnt handle. she never yelled at me. she took into consideration everything.

also even though she put me on that contract that we have she hasnt discharged/dismissed me from her therapy. she said theres been a few times where she shouldve discharged me from her therapy but she said she didnt because she wanted to give me more chances and could see things could possibly change with me.

i also could discuss ANYTHING with her. believe me i discussed everything from my libido and like masturbation to like me being gangstalked and she never told me she didnt believe me and she didnt back away from discussing things. at least she didnt seem to so yea.

i dont think i usually get attached to therapists. i mean i have been attached to 1 or 2 but not like this. ive been attached to a pdoc or two too. this therapist is just different. she really was. i think part of what made her different was she was an older therapist. and i kinda took to her on to be a mom figure to me. i think thats PARTLY what got me attached to her at first anyway.

anyway yea.

i guess to me my attachment to my therapist has shown me that love and care don't have to include abuse. he is kind of re-parenting me in a way. even though he is only 10 yrs older than me. he has taught me so much about so many things. i feel safe with him. he's never raised his voice at me or hurt me intentionally. even after all the crap i put him through in the beginning. of course i didnt trust him at first. but he has been consistent all 4 yrs of our working together. so my attachment to him shows to me that not all people/men are evil and are out to hurt me. he has shown me that it is ok to learn to trust people. he has said many times that he wont abandon me. i believe him. i think my attachment to my T helps me in my other relationships. im not good at explaining this. but this is how i feel about it

now im really afraid that im gonna show up as a friend to her on the friends list or whatever

well, i think the algorithm is that if u stalk someone on fb u are more likely to show up in the "people u may know" section

Me too. I understand.

Thank you all for explaining. I understand a bit better now, I think.

I've been thinking of starting up counseling again. Any tips?

yea someone told me that once and i thought that was a myth but i guess its not. ughhh

Be honest & Accepting. Trust their method. After it is a choice.