Roll Call 45

i dont think am ill
My husband worries about me a lot and i think he just wants me to be safe
sometimes am not safety aware so yes i guess i could be ill

Talked to my cpn today and I've decided to take the medication and allow the depot on monday. I can't deal with this anymore and if it's guna take it all away then I guess it might be worth it.

I'm glad I think it's the right choice.....

Thanks sometimesp. I don't like it but feeling like this is worse. Plus I'd get sectioned on mon if I refused.

The depot will help and ease the anxiety about taking the pills. I know it helped me when I had no insight and wasn't med compliant. Good luck justme!

...i suppose i had some sort of episode last night...

i wake up to find numbers and religious crosses drawn all over my body. drawings and ramblings on paper all over my room. newspaper clippings everywhere. and some s**t posted to my facebook.

Thanks chicken. It's definitely easier than taking pills for me.

Third night in a row that I slept very poorly. But I got more sleep last night than the last two nights. It was hard but I forced myself to get up by 7 (still too late but better than 8,9,10 or 11). Hope everyone is feeling better today.

You said you took ambien, that's what ambien does to you I'm afraid. Have you seen the ambien reddit page it's full of stories identical to yours.

to be honest i dont think it was ambien. i take ambien every night. last night when i said i was gonna have a drink i took half a shot of liquor and 3 sips of beer. which i ended up throwing up because it was old beer and liquor. i took my ambien and xanax too. they didnt do a thing to me. i know they didnt because i felt no physical effect by them. and they prob didnt because i take them everyday. you know tolerance.

last night was a pure episode. i honestly dont think anything i took factored into last night. before i took the meds and drank i was already slipping. i just thought it was another small slip that would end in an hour. but it lasted til midnight.

i remember a bit of what happened last night.

but right now thinking about it is bringing on anxiety attack. that was bad.
and i woke up still in the same mindset as last night.
im strongly considering taking my haldol this morning.

That's probably a good idea. Have you ever been on a shot? Not that I'm urging you to but it seems to help a lot of people.

Based on the fact that you were thinking pretty violently last night I think its a good idea....i know for me abilify takes away that kind of thinking.

yes ive been on a 100mg haldol injection. it had the worst side effects.

yea i woke up with the same violent thoughts and was rambling this morning to people that i think are watching me.

i think im gonna take some haldol and some xanax.
im in a bad place right now.

That's too bad. You've said the atypicals gave you bad side effects too, did you ask for anything to counteract the side effects?

morning y'all still sick :'(

Morning.....me too

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This is totally random but there's a photosynthetic green sea slug.....pretty wild....

yea atypicals do too. the typicals and atypicals both do. but they have a different set of side effects. the atypicals make me gain weight and sleep and i almost got diabetes from them. the typicals have sometimes made me gain weight but they usually just knock me out and make me zombie-ish and i lose the inability to take care of basic things let alone any other normal activity.

i was given cogentin to counteract side effects. but it had no effect on me. didnt work.

When I was in college they gave me a shot of Stelazine and then something else to counteract the side effects. I had twisted up like a pretzel. I didn't think I needed it. Luckily I was able to work away from people for about 20 years.

That's too bad. I'm really happy with the Abilify. It's helped me hugely.

I always said it before too, but then I felt this powerful maternal feeling when I'd see her and I've been referring to the moon as feminine ever since. She doesn't mind though cos she said it was ok. She was angry with me before Xmas and it was horrible because she wouldn't talk to me or protect me, but now it feels like she has something to tell me but I can't understand what it is. Maybe it's the noise interfering??

If you google 'moon halo' you can see photos of what I'm talking about. I'd link but it's too complicated for my head as iPad is glitchy today.

Glad you're back and the move went well. Missed you while you were gone

I hope the meds help Is the depot the same one you were on last time? Did they say they'd section you if you didn't take the meds, or is that what you're worried about?

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*trigger warning*
Today is a screwdriver day. Most days I cope with the noise and the thought problems and the headaches, and all of the other stuff. Other days it takes all of my willpower not to ram a screwdriver into my ear canals. Today is one of those days. The noise has been really loud 24/7 since I was sectioned and, as a result, my headaches have been worse; almost constant. Today it is too much. If I thought the screwdriver would stop the noise, then I would, but I don't think it would probably work. I'd quite like to be dead right now tbh...I hope tomorrow is easier.

*Willow*

Ugh I can relate to this. I hate the atypical AP's so much. Haldol gave me bad side effects and the cogentin I was given didn't touch it at all.

I'm sorry you had such a bad night newtus. I don't always know what to say in response to your posts and I don't want to unintentionally be too harsh/blunt either, but I read what you write and I hate that you struggle so much.

Omg, I'm sorry Willow...

I hope the noise gets better. You deserve a break from that.