Roll Call 45

Yeah I know the side effects aren't great but if you're really slipping it may be time....you're one of my good friends on here and I don't want you just not showing up one day.....

thank you. you are a good friend of mine too. a real good friend.

problem is idk when my slipping is getting bad or bad. if i took my haldol everytime i started slipping id be taking it everyday. which i know everyones thinking i should do that...

im afraid i might not show up one day too

Newtus, what are you gonna do? I was on here a few yrs back and I cancelled my acct. But anyway, I remember Costello having the same convos with you sometimes psychotic, me, atypical have all had with you. You need to make a decision.

I'm taking zyprexa again bc I wasn't sleeping. I hate it but if I don't then I could easily end up not sleeping and eventually end up psychotic again. Yes I'm gaining weight, yes it sucks. But what choices do you have? Once I'm stabilized and sleeping regularly, then I'm gonna see about going on latuda again. I just personally don't know how to help you anymore than I've already tried.

I don't know what you want from any of us...

Day two without meds. My family still believe I'm taking it. I haven't had any sleep last night and I'm doing really random stuff. I tried to take my slippers for a walk. My mind feels more open. I can feel it working in overdrive. I've missed this feeling I'm feeling right now.

And I doubt u remember me and all the time I tried to help you. But I know you remember Costello, and man she tried so hard, dedicated a lot of time too...

are you kidding? you dont know what i want from any of you? i guess you can remember all the negative things i said but nothing positive - when i was just thanking everyone here for taking time to listen to me.

this forum isnt just about talking about and taking medication. its so much more.

It's snowing again...I haven't been outside in 4 days...I need to get in to work but it's not looking good due to my cold/flu. Until I'm well enough to walk a mile to the bus I'm stuck at home. I feel so isolated I'm glad I have you guys to talk to....

Newtus I'm sorry you're feeling so down at the minute. I think the lack of treatment you're getting regarding psychology is absolutely disgraceful, I would think you should be seeing a T at least once a week and on your own. You could always do extra family therapy if they think you need it but you should have your own sessions, just you and the therapist. I really don't know what you can do about it as it seems you've already voiced your concerns and they're having none of it. I just hope you can get through this, I know you can get through this. Focus on your education and the fact you've been out of hospital for so long, you're doing really well. You might slip up but if these bad episodes get further and further apart then that's progress, however small it may be.

Cake (the movie, not the dessert) was really good. Dealt with suicide and addiction so could be triggering for some. Really good story and Jennifer Aniston was fantastic in it!

thanks for your reply chickenfoot.
i gotta keep on working to change the kind of therapy im getting.
id hate to goto someone new and re-explain my whole life again to a new person who might not be that good either. and then distance and money etc.

my episodes are everyday. but usually are about small to medium. and then (assuming theres not much stress in my life) the severe episodes maybe happen only once or twice a month. but i got a lot of stress going on. i mean school is extremely stressful by itself. and then not being able to get the support i hope and pay for.

ugh wow...and then my aunt died.

ever since my aunt died in mid november things have just been downhill. i was just crying about the whole thing yesterday or so. i cant believe that happened...

Whatever, I don't belong here anymore. When you threaten to kill your therapist they refuse to see you alone. If I said that to a therapist I would be thrown in the hospital or jail real quick. A lot of you new ppl don't know the history with newtus and how many, I mean a lot of ppl have tried to help her.

Newtus and everyone here good luck. I feel for you newtus...you have a long road ahead of you if you continually find reasons why things won't work.

Wow. Im sorry you feel the way you do and your need to "out" me about my history.

Everyone knows I was sent to the hospital after that incident.

Anyway. sorry you feel the need to stoop that low and out me. Which isnt really outing me. Everything ive said here is accessible. I dont hide it.

Newtus I'm not trying to out you. Omg, anyway. You're right, it absolutely is not just about meds, that's maybe 40% or so I've been told by numerous pdocs. But I want to see you happy. I think perhaps taking some medication would help stabilize you. I really just want the best for you. Seriously, that's it...

How about trying some dbt skills or mindfulness or, or. I've told you so many times other things that therapists use, and you've acted like you didn't even see the post. Would that annoy you if somebody was trying to help you and you just ignored them?

Look ive told you many times that i dont ignore your posts. Im not on ALL the time and when i post i dont sit on the computer waiting for the next post meaning ive missed tons of posts before.

STOP saying that. i told you that over and over.

Bad news. My doc put me on lithium, lamictal, klonopin and Geodon. I had a bad reaction to the SSRI the second time that sent me into a mania of ups and downs and there not for me he said. So I'm going to go through a two month process of getting my body use to Lamictal, which treats depression, ancxiety and panic disorder. Two months of hell mean while. And to help alleviate that hell he wants me on Lithium to balance my mood and Klonopin for temporary relief from anxiety and panic.

I'm so sick of this ****. It's been since 2012 since I've been struggling to get the meds right. 2012! Failed experiment after failed experiment! I can't even support myself anymore. I've lost my independence in this struggle to save my soul. I now must move in with my mother, which only adds to the stress.

I feel like someone just shot my dog.

Newtus you have my support. You have all of our support. Even if you want to ignore my posts and think I'm lower than you for trying to help you yesterday.

Ody what did he say about the abilify?

Also, don't stress too much. It could work depending on the lithium dosage I think. I'd just slap on max of that if I didn't have abilify

thanks for helping me. i dont ignore your posts.

Oh no!

Lamictal is supposed to be great though....minimal side effects...probably not going to cause the emotional deadening you were talking about with the Lexapro.....

Good news is klonopin is going to work fast so you're going to feel better right away...think of it like a nice beer that's more socially acceptable during working hours.

Hope it all works out....

sorry you have to move in with your mom. and thats its taken so long to get your meds right. why are you on lithium? what for?

He said that abilify can cause agitation so he wants any chance of that out of the equation, since I have severe panic attacks and chronic anxiety attacks.

I just took so many meds that I feel like I could overdose. this is crazy how many pills I have to take right now.

I can't wait until I fall asleep. These days it's all I look forward too. What a way to live, right?

how many pills do you have to take? i would say be careful about so many. i used to take high doses of a lot of pills. i actually still do but side effects scare me so much. ultimately its up to your pdoc but maybe you should talk to him about the amount you have to take. i cant imagine it being good even in the short term. idk

Essentially, Lexapro (SSRI) sent me into bipolar frenzy that needs to be put out like a fire. This will give me more of a pillow to land on while I come down. I can no longer take SSRI's my body doesn't accept them. So Ill be put on this drug for a few months and it will make me thirsty gain weight amongst other side effects.

i know what lithium is used for. ive been on it before. i just thought there was some other reason why you were on it. youre already taking a lot of other medicines. lithium didnt work for me. though i hear it works for most people. it makes you very very very thirsty lol...i dont remember gaining weight. but i also have kidney problems and lithium exacerbated those kidney problems.