Roll Call 48

I thought it was tomorrow.....

oooh. i thought today was friday...im sorry.

this is what im talking about. idk what day it is everyday.

some people try to live day to day.
i live hour to hour.

im so embarrassed now

i cant stop picking at my scalp. and its just bleeding.
the only other time it was this bad was maybe a year ago.
i pull my hair out from anxiety from idk what im nervous about.
sure i can think of a number of things...
...like how i had a 2 hour phone conversation last night with another extended family member that i rarely talk to but idk...

yea it was with my cousin who has mental health issues too.
we talked about our other family members ugh...

I've been out of school all week because im sick.
Really not looking forward to going back, I'll have missed so much.
Anxiety overload.

All the great philosophers who try to explain everything dive into psychology. Nietzsche was the first modern depth psychologist. I just read a book called Nietzsche's Depth Psychology, which was excellent. The first part of Plato's Republic is all about psychology.

Hmm... If you like Sartre and Foucault then you might like Simone de Beauvoir's The Ethics of Ambiguity. She was one of Sartre's mistresses. She's a prolific writer and this book dives deep into psychology and types of people. It's existential. However, you could just as easily get Locke, Hume, Berkeley or Leibniz. Thomas Reid's Inquiry into the human mind was my favorite history of modern philosophy read. He's clear, concise and witty. I also have a book called Philosophy of Psychology by Daniel N. Robinson.

I totally feel this. I try to be interesting and social, but it's so obvious that I'm not good at it and I feel so lonely.

cool thanks. yea i remember reading Sartes biography and reading about Simone. ill check that out. ill see about that last one and Thomas Reids too.

I really want to go to a good college, but almost every college with a biology major requires physics and to get into a clinical lab program I don't need it so I prefer not to take a super hard class for no reason.

but what about people like me. who are just not naturally social. and are very very very awkward when being social. but like can be social online. it took many years to learn how to be social online. and even tho i am HERE...id doesnt translate to real life. believe me ive tried...its very very very awkward. it doesnt work.

I can relate even though my situation is a bit different. I'm 37, unemployed, on disability, and living in a depressing basement apartment that has mold. My future feels so bleak. I was in university but after my last episode of major depression I haven't been able to get my motivation back. Everything tires me out. I must still be depressed. I'm not sure how to change my situation without losing my mind. It scares the hell out of me.

It has been 37 years of waste and suffering.

I think you do a good job being social and funny on here. I'm okay (or at least I think) online, mostly I just vent on here because I decided not to vent to friends anymore.

@medicalfox

i vent on here too. about my issues.
and then i talk about my day
and almost everything in between.

if i had friends in real life i could say that to i wouldnt be on here AS MUCH. id be on here but not AS MUCH. i mean by now - being here as long as i have - i would still get on here and say everything. but if i had someone/people to actually talk to in real life about everyday stuff and my issues - i wouldnt be on social media as much in general. because honestly i partially feel very paranoid about saying so much that i say online about my personal life but at the same time i have no one else to talk to except my crummy therapist.

Your posts about school, your boyfriend and friends appear to convey some success. Is it the lack of connection that you are referring to?

Faking it is horrible. I tried that when I was a teenager. It really messed me up and contributed to my misdiagnosis.

I told my psychiatrist on Tuesday that I made a comic strip when I was a child. My comic was my way of socializing since I was one of the characters. In it I was social and part of the group. I had friends and felt connected to them. These were things I longed for in real life, but because I struggled with social skills and had different interests nobody wanted to bother with me. I was boring and asked too many questions.

My psychiatrist replied, "You must have been really lonely." I still feel lonely but not like I did all those years ago. Now, I have a few good friends and family that accept me.

I hope It's just a big bump along the road for us. I remember, after my year long split from reality, I was thrown into the hospital against my will. Once there, I was put in the psychward where I met a manic girl. Everyone perceived her as trouble and avoided her. She was alienated and frustrated. In a room she flirted with me and asked me why I was there. I told her about my year long agonizing delusion, and she told me about her mania. I told her, "People aren't their disorders". Then, without hesitation, she said, "If it only takes a year to become great, isn't it worth it?" What a kind thing to say. Maybe it's all about finding meaning in our suffering. Buddha believed suffering is the path to wisdom. Nietzsche thought that it allowed us to see reality in a different light. When the oracle has failed us, the saints are silent, and god has chosen not to reveal himself, there in the darkness, in fear and frustration we turn on that light within.

After reading your post I feel connected to you Didgee.

Didgee so you asked a lot of questions when you were young?

i didnt talk at all. like at ALL. i talked at home but not at school. but then i stopped talking at home around 12 years old. thats when i got my first major depressive episode.

Yes, I did. I was interested in everything. My older sister called me Curious George. Sometimes I didn't know when to shut up. I must have been the annoying kid who never knew when to shut up and followed everyone around asking endless questions.

I got depressed at 12 too and withdrew from the world. At the time I was going through severe bullying. Do you know what triggered your depression?

Hey everyone! Currently staying over at my moms. Been hanging out with my mom all day. Watched fault in our stars and then took a nap lol.

I hope. It has to get better. That is what I tell myself over and over.


I had to think about this for a few minutes. Reading between the lines is difficult for me which is why I'm reluctant to comment on any philosophy discussions.

My experience with psychosis has allowed me to accept my quirky traits. I found it healing even with all the paranoia and agitation. It allowed me to just be me. Finally I had a valid reason to be different. It was relieving because I had proof. In the past I would have been accused of faking, because I apparently had a PD. There is definitely a good side to major mental illness.

I'm trying to see the positive side of all my suffering. It is hard sometimes. Now, I'm trying to figure out a way to use it to my advantage so that I change my present situation. I must be patient with myself.

I know that light because I have one. I've used it to survive a few times.


Most members that post here are in their 20s. It is nice to read posts from people around my age. It helps ease the isolation.

Thank you.

probably what triggered mine was constantly being bullied and my issues with my mom. thats prob what started it. i started cutting at 13. got full blown psychosis by 15 but the paychosis wasnt way too serious til i was 17.

Turns out that I also get 50mg seroquel at night. I just slept so that's good..

I find that friends without mental illnesses can't relate and eventually they start to care less and get overwhelmed, but that's from my experience.

College is hard when it's humanities and stressful, but at least I have a good gpa. I've dated a lot of guys and my boyfriend is the most patient I've ever experienced. He doesn't get mad about my tantrums or when I'm incapable of certain things. Most guys tried, but easily gave up and stopped talking to me. I just feel sad how everyone seems to have an armful of close friends and for me I have friends, but most aren't super close with. I just don't click with people.

Been doing good with yoga, it's nice to look forward to something every day.

Yay made it to 3000 post!