Roll Call 49

I tried to edit my last post because I was worried it would be tmi. But I lost wifi once I was in my car. I understand what you mean. People that runs scams are horrible.

yea im sorry i cant talk about this publicly anymore.

just know guys that im not well and something has managed to push me over the edge. the edge thats been waiting for me to drown.

nothing is helping me relax. i dont get this supervisors of trying to distract myself. like i do but it doesnt work. i just doesnt.

i had to call my dad and tell him i wasnt feeling good. i rarely call him for any reason unless it his lunch time. and sometimes i dont then. he told me to take my medicine and i just i cant bring myself to do it. i never told him i called the clinic either because i think he would be mad. i know he would be because hed know im not taking all my meds.

going to the hospital would ruin my life right now. like it would literally hurt me even more. i just need someone to talk to. just to hear someones voice.

yea.........

i do hope you feel better, you deserve to feel well with all the help you try to do for yourself.

thanks
this is the most in my life since 2011 or 2012 that ive been able to help myself. these past 6 months. except ive been off half my meds. i dont think i wouldve even come this far on meds to begin with and i feel like taking my AP would just put me back to being pretty much like an invalid - sleeping all the time and not being able to help myself.

im just as scared to take it as im scared to not take it. but im more scared to take it because ive seen how ive been on my AP and it helped my symptoms but it also just created new physical and life-altering symptoms too where i just couldnt care for myself in my everyday life. ive done so much more off meds in my life than i actually probably ever have but at the same time im dealing with the symptoms of mental illness while trying to live.

its a complete catch 22.

since you guys dont have much to say im just gonna call a crisis line cuz i really need someone to talk to in general.

Worlds First Imaging Study of the Brain on LSD | Walacea

This is really interesting, going to back it when I get paid next week.

nm...they arent even answering. seriously?...
what kind of crisis line doesnt answer?

They probably don't get much funding and are overstretched. Do you have a few different lines to call? Sorry I don't have much to say Newtus, I'm not in the right headspace to comment really, just know I'm hoping all the best for you.

and my one of my fav fiction books:

Hi, I'm back, I had to go get my daughter from school.

Can you call your sister or even your mom or maybe make a video to share with us?

You can add me on Skype if you want newtus just to text.

Just adding to the support

- Tweaky

The hospital staff is concerned with the amount of time I'm spending on my own lol and that it's not normal to like it xd

It's just the life I've accepted over being afraid if people

Is there something we can help you with?

i took haldol for a while. it made my muscles sooooooo stiff

this is ridiculous...
i just got a call from my clinic...
:cr:y
my psychiatrist is pretty much quitting.
hes not seeing adults anymore. only children.
seriously?
this is the last thing i need.
not only can i not see him anymore - i dont even get a psychiatrist anymore. i have to see a nurse now.

like i dont understand...
this is the second time this clinic has done this to me and now not only is my pdoc pretty much quitting - i dont even get a psychiatrist anymore. its a nurse now. really?

im really effing tired.

i see a nurse practitioner. its not that bad. (for me)

That's really bad on their end. They should bring someone in from somewhere else for people that they already have established a relationship with. It should be their duty to their patients.

but everything was going fine. i was just building that relationship with my psychiatrist and now i have no choice. i cant continue to see him. i have no choice.

I kind of disagree with my schizophrenia diagnosis. I'm not in denial. It just doesn't really make sense to me.

The only good thing about this label is that I can say "I have schizophrenia" and people will stop bothering me about my negative symptoms

"Are you hearing voices?" "Did you take your meds?" Those questions are ok but not in the way that that nurse did it. I was pissed.

The only way to be sure I know fully that I'll have a relapse is to stop my meds that prevent it. At least I'll know.

And that's why I'm getting the injection because I'm pretty sure like I'm ok now that I'll stop them

It never really sounded like you liked this guy very much maybe the NP will be better?

but i just started to have good communication with him.
i dnt want my meds changed either.

I don't see why anyone would change your meds.....however I think that changing docs/nurses every few years is normal----they often change facilities etc. It sucks but it's pretty much going to happen in most cases.