Roll Call 49

yea. at the beginning of college i tried face to face classes and it just didnt work. im definitely gonna try it again but i prob wont be trying it until i finish my basics online.

for the past year or so ive thought about doing things in a public eye but i havent quite made up my mind about media/filmmaking yet. prob would be better off than some of the other ideas ive had about being in the public eye but...yea i just dont know yet.

ive been in front of the camera before. my parents had me try out for a national commercial when i was 5 but yea idk.

Honestly I don't see myself ever doing good in college, I'm only a junior in high school and failing several classes and am struggling right now because of all the time I've missed. I'm in advanced classes and I just can't handle them.

I was on RTE (Iriah channel) took six months to film about my mom having really really bad stress where she would vacuum my room in the middle of the night "sssh shh go back to sleep *VROOOOOOOOMMMMMVROOMMMM*"

thats interesting falcon.
i got Cs and Ds in high school but i saw myself doing better in college. i blamed my high school grades partially on not being interested in the subjects and having to do it routinely. which i was partly right. high school is extremely boring. it doesnt even compare to college. college is usually harder but its way more fun and youre way more independent in every aspect.

like high school work compared to college work is like going from kindergarten work straight to 12th grade work. thats my opinion.

I actually feel really nervous right now. im taking another xanax.

i still have taken all my prescribed xanax for the day. i have to take 4 pills. but they are small doses each.

I just don't try, can't concentrate. Like I know I should be able to do better but I just can't find the motivation to try harder in school.

You're probably right that college is more fun, if only it didnt cost so much though.

i dont know about your finances but i chose to do half my bachelors degree at a community college. in-county community college costs (at my personal college) is only $108 dollars per class (not including books). so you could do half time for like 200 dollars. youd be saving quite a bit of money from going to a university. i think the cost for a good university degree here at the cheapest (but well known and good school) would be around 500 dollars a class. im currently going to an out of county community college. so im paying more. but its still less.

ugh i have to wait two months to see the commercial.

haha what was the show called?

I agree with Newtus. Community college is a good route. It saves you money, sets you up for a four year college, and you get to experiment to find what you want cheaply. You can always take sub 100 courses if you think you're not up to snuff.

"Not enough hours" xD

I hated high school. My grades were pathetic because I was so bored. The way classes were taught made it that way. I don't learn by someone teaching me how to do something step by step. I learn on my own by reading, experimenting and by watching others.

The popularity contest and boredom made it hell so I quit. This dropout went back to adult education, went on to college and finally university where I excelled because of my independent learner qualities and interest.

Success in high school doesn't say much about a person's future.

I'm writing a diary of my thoughts and activities for the night to share with my T. Yikes! My mind is a ****ed up place to be.

I just need to finish an English course and I'll graduate from high school.

Idk what's after that.

thats interesting.
i learn mainly by watching/doing things with my hands you know.

The cogentin controls my stiffness symptoms but nothing is stopping the twitches and tremors.

Should I take clonazepam 3x a day again for a week until I get settled to the abilify is what I'm wondering.

I honestly think I don't need benzos. But I only say that when I don't need them.

They are good to relax in high doses if you have experience like how I know my way around methylphenidate and hae been abusing it for a year at lethal doses and then stopped.

"Stoned in paradise, shouldn't talk about it. Should lent talk about it shouldn't talk about it yeah yeah yeah"

Learning on my own was so much easier because I was using my own abilities not my weaknesses that teachers tended to focus on. I have to feel and see everything I learn even the academic stuff.

I have auditory processing disorder which probably also explains why I didn't do very well in school. I couldn't answer questions or recite verbal directions. It was embarrassing.

i feel sad. i think its just this day. my dads bday. im glad im home from work cuz i felt paranoid there. i thought my coworkers were talking about me and it made me feel like a loser. the time dragged on and i just wanted to go home. but now im home and thinking about my dad.

a good thing abt today was that i asked the manager if i can not be scheduled to work before 3 tuesdays and saturdays. so now i have a set time i can see T twice a week. so thats less stress for me abt my work schedule

sorry to hear junkdna

It's late, and I keep hoping to hear from my two friends. It's been a while.

im up so early. i went to bed at my usual time but woke up an hour early.

I don't think the dystonia goes away unless you stop the med that's causing it. I know you can control/reduce it with the likes of cogentin but as far as I know you'll have to take that for the duration you're taking the AP. Your body doesn't settle and get used to it.

Good morning. Everyone

The eye sight is getting better!!

Unless the 15mg abify kicks in in like 20 minutes to do it's thing again

Very little paranoia I love it. I'm careless when I leave my phone outside the unit with my information on it I just take the chance and not bring It with me cuz yknow then I have to bring the charger etc erc

Anyways, I took a Zopiclone last night. I slept so well and the best part is that there is no violent shaking, twitching or stiffness. It's a really good med but it's probably a controlled substance and a benzo derivative..

I wish I could watch television shows. I can only stand to watch the animal channels anything else sets off my anxiety and obsessive thinking. I ****ing hate it.