Roll Call 49

You work at an animal shelter dont you Door? any chance the gang might grow?

i feel like crap this morning.

idk what im doing.
i slept but woke up many many many times during the night. i had to force myself back to sleep. then i decided id just wake up now.

im a big **** up

Close! Animal hospital. All my cats are rescues. I always say that I won't take any more in. But then, somebody shows up in a box and needs to be rehabbed.

Ive never understood why some people never let their cats outside. is there too much chance the cat will just not come back?

I'm glad you're safe. Wish you were feeling better though. You're not a screw up. You're trying to take control of your meds. That's all.

Where I live there's a lot of traffic. Too much chance for disaster.

i honestly wish i didnt have to take any.
but i do.
i do have to take them.
my life...i just...everything sucks.

i dont know if ill ever be happy.
it really hurts to have no one to talk to in real life except family.
it sucks not to have good therapy.

it really sucks to feel like no one really cares.
i mean my my dad and sis and mom does for the most part.
but no one else does. like maybe some of you all do.
but absolutely no one else in the world cares.

it just really hurts to be alone
i dont understand what makes me so different that no one in real life likes me or gives me a chance or talks to me. this whole past half year that ive been reltively ok no one in real life has givven an F about me. and now im pretty much in psychosis already and for sure no one is gonna care. i may not have had a complete break yet again but im not ok anymore. i dont really know why tho.

idk anything right now. i just feel really really really confused.

i feel a lot of anxiety creeping in right now. if it keeps rising i dont think i can just ignore my medicine and not take it. its extremely hard.

I'm sorry. lots of people care about you here. You really do matter, and you're incredible. I can't say why people in your real life haven't picked up on that. But you are so important to all of us, now and if you do have a break, and after that too.

thank you.
i just feel like i desperately want to understand why no one cares in real life. since i was a child its been like this. ive always had no friends until 1 when i was a teen. and then now. i graduated high school in 2008. its 2015 now. its been almost 7 years to the date that ive graduated high school and ive been without a friend. my extended family on both sides dont talk to me but extremely rarely. like extremely rarely. it doesnt help that all my cousins except 1 is 10+ years older than me. and the one that isnt is not stable. she has a mental health issue and when i do try to get ahold of her she rarely answers. she has no facebook. her number is not stable. she doesnt live in this state.

i dont get it.
i mean i truly dont get it.
this is one of the biggest things on my list ive been trying to figure out my whole life. its like no matter what i do or how hard i try in any area of life - no one gives a crap.
i literally dont understand.

Woot! Finally got a ticket to see Avicii on my birthday in July! I'm a metal head through and through but this gig is going to be awesome!

ever since i turned 23 or 24 i stopped being happy about birthdays. i mean all the happiness stopped after 21 but around 23 or 24 i realized that im just getting older faster and birthdays arent important anymore. i actually quit celebrating my birthday after 21. i still get presents from my parents and sister but i dont ask for anything anymore and i just sit at home the whole day like its any other day.

I like celebrating my birthday when there's a gig or something on that I'll go to. I have had birthdays where I wasn't bothered but I've been with my boyfriend for the last 5 and he usually spoils me and makes it a good day. You should use it as a day to look after yourself or TREAT YO SELF!!! That's a parks and rec reference right there.

Idk about invega. Abilify worked so well. I refused meds and he seen me after I took 2mg of risperdal a day because I was contemplating taking meds the weeks before me he said it will get worse but took them. He prescribed Abilify and it worked within 2-3 weeks.

I'm giving the abilify a chance because I've been on it for two years, just because it worked extremely well. If I don't have insurance for it then I'll just take the pill form or maybe invega. I think I'll take the invega.

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It's so nice outside ..

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Had a good time with my friends last night. I'm paying for the late night today...ugh so tired. Feeling sleepy and a little anxious but not too bad.

anyone heard of that mysterious priestDavid taking peoples confessions through snapchat? he claims hes a priest in San Antonio TX

Well I have no choice but to nap. yawn

I've been napping almost daily

I napped every day last week despite getting a decent 8 hours every night. Havent needed to this week but i know i could slip into one at a moments notice if my afternoons are slow!

Lunchin with my sweet potato. Found out I'm probably going to have to work tomorrow, which is usually my day off. Frustrated, but there's nothing I can do about it, except pray for a miraculous healing of my coworkers gi tract. Or bs tract.

Professionally diagnosed with disorganized/paranoid schizophrenia

They looked at my psychiatric history I knew this would happen.

I'll go bezerk if they dare touch my Concerta

Edit: now they are bothering me about having a shower and stuff

I can't say that I don't have it and I'm fine because I always do that but I can't say I have it either out of fear that they are messing with me.

But doctors are supposed to be very careful with that diagnosis

I'll need an opinion from my old psychiatrist..

All that stuff he was writing about me during psychosis I should he asked for copies.

Starting on Invega tomorrow on pill form and then free injection

sorry tweaky

With this diagnosis I'm not going to tell anyone because most people don't know what schizotypal or Schizophreniform is but this diagnosis everyone knows and has distorted views because of the stigma.

But I'm lucky to have the abilify work for me. It lifted me out of anhedonia. I want to get an injection of that instead it just feels more cleaner and more effective than Invega. Both are better than risperidone.

Sorry risperdal users. Risperidone is the nastiest drug I've ever taken. It's jut dirty and makes you feel ..idk

i like mine homemade!!!