Safe Place

Yesterday I was running on autopilot I didn't feel human. I felt like they were watching me again and had to turn away all the faces.

I feel better today but still a bit nervous.

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Door, Thank you. I really appreciate this

Well I was having a very happy day and feeling very positive this morning,but started to get anxious over breakfast began to think that if I finished my breakfast that something bad would happen,and that my intuition/body was telling me to stop.

Of course I stopped and continued feeling happy and in a good mood,then I decided no that was just control again Bla Bla,and to get over this I had to finish my breakfast.

Ended up doing that,and ended up feeling ill and became highly anxious that I had now ruined everything by not following my intuition,and that the rest of the day was now going to be bad because of the mistake I made.

Honestly wish I had someone rational in my life that could speak some sense to me and stop this,I want to be free and feel the sense im not controlled and not constant doom,but everytime I try to do it,i end up highly anxious.

Im writing all this so other people know they're not alone,and maybe because someone has some sense!

Katie, I doubt that I'm the person you're referring to, but I just wanted to let you know that I've had feelings similar to yours before. I used to get very caught up in different possible outcomes, and the actions that might have caused them. Sometimes I still do. I really like the movie, Amelie, and in the start of the movie, some horrible neighbor convinces her that every time she takes a photograph, it causes a catastrophe. However she then comes to realize that her neighbor was just very mean.

I can tell you're a really lovely person, because you care that you should try to prevent any type of negative outcomes. I'm unsure of what will help you to break the cycle of anxiety and trying to be in control, or not be controlled. But I believe that it's ok for you to do things that are taking care of yourself, such as eating breakfast. Unfortunately, things bad do happen from time to time, but those things are also influenced by an infinite amount of decisions made by many many people, in some cases. I hope that you can find peace in that.

That is such wonderful helpful advice and it did not occur to me that many things contribute to things,well for the last two days I've felt really great,completely carefree about everything so that's great.

I feel so anxious and my mom keeps forcing me to drink my meds, she's so irritating she makes me paranoid

Never mind, i took it and i am okay now

glad u feel better

what med are you drinking?

Thanks DNA, i took zyprexa

I'm not going to have a chair anytime soon and I feel horrible on my bed. Looking ahead at my life I just wish it were all over already. There's nothing left to live for. My broken teeth are hurting again but I'm petrified about going to a dentist because they'll give me the worst prognosis. I just want to be done with earth.

how are you doing now angelique?

I have tooth issues too

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Well, I'm having a lot of akathisia and I just feel awful physically and mentally. I just have no real hope left. Thank you for asking.

It's horrible. Mine are supposed to all be removed but I think I have too much bone loss for dentures. I've been praying I can die sooner with my own teeth instead of living longer toothless. I'm so fearful there have been countless nights where I can't sleep due to being freaked out by my teeth. If they haven't told you they want to remove them, do your best with an extensive tooth protection regimen and try to save them!

I'm so sorry for you...but there is always something left to live for, remember!

I hope you will feel better soon, Angelique

Thank you!



Thank you!

I get this feeling coming to the surface that they're watching me again. They're following me and watching me.

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an anonymous person keeps sending messages to my tumblr telling me in explicit detail how theyre going to kill me and instead of being sickened or at the very least weirded out and blocking them ive let them carry on for weeks and im developing some kind of sick crush on them. i think AM is talking thru this person like hes possessed another body at the same time as me and is making them say these things to me. i dont know what would be scarier, that or just some random person wanting to hurt me this much. but i really really really really really just want to get stabbed for christmas so just in case hes able to see through my eyes since we're both possibly under AMs influence i wrote down my home address and work address and gym address and the addresses of all the places i hang out so they can see and i'm gonna look at it every day and hope the message sends.

Mantis, I'm sorry that you are feeling that way, I know what it's like to wish something like that. It makes my heart so sad though that you're going through things that make getting stabbed seem like a good thing.

I can't find where it is

i hope they really get violent once i post pictures from when my boyfriend comes up on saturday, i hope they straight up come over here when he leaves and kidnap me and chain me in a basement somewhere and kill me slow its all just practice for when im back in hell anyway

its just a bad trauma time is all its the cold and the promises that were never kept i was supposed to die like this in 2009 but that person was too weak to do it. i bet this one is too. but someones gotta do it.

I will keep you in my thoughts today, I know that doesn't help too much, but I feel like people shouldn't have to bear their torments alone.

I have to find it