Roll Call 60

the clinic just called and canceled my therapy appt...said therapist was sick

I think pho is better than ramen

i hate MHMR

Made cookies with bf. Chocolate chunk and fudge, cranberry and white choc, and smartie. They smell amazing. Baking makes me happy

im gonna be very bored until friday when my dad is off. the days are passing so slowly.

btw i got my tuition paid for! i got my financial aid evaluated and everything! idk how im gonna take wintermester classes though now i just thought. cuz my financial aid. if they see me paying with my own money between fall and spring will they drop me from FA for spring? idk. i already went through this debacle with summer classes. i dont want to have to go through it again with wintermester courses but i want to take a wintermester course so badly.

saw T. it went ok. he said is glad i am feeling better. he said i still have bizarre thinking even when not in a psychotic episode. so i am a little concerned about that, but i understand what he meant because i asked him to clarify. i don't really see it as bizarre i guess thats whats concerning because he called it that. we played cards. then he was showing me his decals hes gonna put up in his office and these glass boards hes gonna write on. then he started rearranging his closet and it was entertaining to watch lol. we were winding down the session and i guess his next client was late so he kept me over a little showing me this stuff.

then i saw NP. it went better than i thought it would. she did not mention klonopin. i was honest with her about the voices. i told her about my grandma too. i see her again in 3 months. she said 3 months is ok because i have a good support system.

im back home now. im meeting my friend at the restaurant at 5. i feel pretty good, but tired since i woke up at 6

I'm glad your appointments went well Junk.

I'm just cracking open a beer & re-watching Breaking Bad. Been a couple of years since I first saw it & I'm really enjoying it again.

My doctor emailed me back today. This is the day after my boyfriend threatened legal action. She told me she was dishearten to know I'd do that. Now I really feel bad. She claims she just got back into the country. I guess she left the day after she told me she was moving because I haven't gotten a response from her since then until today. She told me she'll keep refilling all of my medicine, that mhmr and her are transferring files and that she'll refill my medicine until my appointment with the new doctor but she'd only be comfortable without an appointment but she said she's only doing online appointments anyways. But still. Situation calmed. I don't really buy her story about being out of the country.

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hmm yea that story sounds fishy

my T is opening up this community house mental wellness program. he was going to have an open house this saturday during a festival on the street the house is on. but i just read that the festival has been cancelled. i feel bad for T because i want his business to be successful and this was a good opportunity for him to get exposure in the community. makes me feel sad for T.

Akathesia... I can't stand it. Going to take my Cogentin 6mg a day. I thought that I didn't need it anymore.

Aaand.. Back to work.

I was at the store today and they already had some Halloween stuff on display

My IOP therapist told me to instead of focusing on my voices and "delusions" I should instead focus on my "other" symptoms.

...
But I don't have any other symptoms!!!!
The only symptoms I have besides psychosis is anxiety, but that is directly effected by my psychosis.

I can't focus on other symptoms when I don't have any!

I'm so confused. My sister is completely delusional. Out of no where, not have talked to her in days except when I go to my house for like 15 minutes, she swears I called cps on them because I'm the worst aunt ever because I want the kids to be taken away. (CPS said they might go into foster care if my sister can't straighten up.) and I'm a ****ed up, low person. Then her gf just messaged me saying to keep her name out of my mouth and that if I didn't stop threatening my sister; I would never see Jayden or Emilee again. I've never threatened my sister. Can crack cause like intense paranoid intense belief of something false?

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Crack can cause drug induced psychosis its usually transient though.....

We got a rotisserie chicken for dinner tonight, it's gonna be so good

What's everyone doing tonight?

I'll just be leaning on my bed playing Solitaire. Is anything on TV tonight?

I'll be spending all of tonight watching DVDs with my mom

im trying to plan for my future.

how am i gonna attend this future college if its an hour away from me? do i move or commute? i dont have enough money to move. i talked to my parents about it and they said im pretty much on my own with that. but its an hour commute.

hmmmmmm

i wouldnt be going to the college until after i get my associates degree but i wont get my associates until about spring 2017 or so.

A lot can change in two years, you never know. I mean about how you'll get to the college an hour away.

true. its not that far away though. half this year is almost over. its really actually a year and half away. two years if i factor in fall. but a year and a half actually.

true a lot can change. hopefully im just worrying myself to death and something will change. something positive and nothigg negative. but who knows.

Yes, hopefully something positive. You might meet people who need a roommate or you might move closer, or you might stay where you are and be more able/willing to make the commute.