Roll Call 60

i know i wont move. i live with my dad whos almost 70. so hes found his retirement home here in this house. im hoping ill meet someone whos willing to be my roommate or otherwise ill be willing to commute. but i hate commuting. ugh. i hate driving already. its a hassle. i get anxiety. ive hated it since ive lived out here. i used to like it a little bit.

the one night ambien doesn't work. Up for an appointment in 4 hours ahhhh! Can't sleep.

An hour away isn't that bad. I travel that far to see my therapist.

But we are talking about doing that at least 3 times a week from august to december and then from january to may. and possibly summer. and then include social events too most likely.

thats what i dont want to do. thats two hours of driving to and from. not including traffic.

whats gas gonna be like doing that at least 3 times a week?

hey guys guess what!

i saw my friend and she told me that her friend who is friends with Ts girlfriend told her that T is engaged!!! she said he proposed to his gf while they were in colorado. i texted T congrats. but then i felt worried that maybe he didnt want me to know since he didnt tell me. so i thought he was mad so i asked him if he was mad. he said no hes not mad, why would he be mad? he said thank you for your congrats! i said i guess i was afraid he was mad bc he didnt tell me and someone else did and i didnt know if it was a secret. he said no its not a secret that he is just shy lol

i am so happy for my T! now he has his own family with her kids. i know he loves them. it just makes me really happy

I'm trying to mod my wii but I want to take the optical drive apart to see if there's something in there blocking DVDs from fully going in. My niece and nephew put stuff in the printer constantly. Why not another slot? So that's what I'm doing. I want to play so many games.

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its getting night time. and i had coffee at 6pm. thats ok. but i have nothing to eat. which is not ok.

i bought some pants recently and bought them in size medium and they are really slouchy on me. i mean they are joggers. but still im wondering if my body is smaller than i think it is idk. im a size 5 in juniors. thats a size 4 in womens. i shouldve gotten a size small.

my moms still hinting at me to lose weight. so i am. but i cant. its hard. no matter how healthy i eat or how less i eat i still cant lose weight.

but shes still hinting at me. shes all like "nothing tastes better than thin".

Your parents are unreasonable and unrealistic when it comes to weight. I'd wonder why they're so obsessed with it. You're very thin and your weight is fine.

I saw the therapist today and we are going to work on my self-esteem. I don't know what I think about her yet.

I don't think you should feel bad! I would just tell her: "Hey.. I was running out of the only med that keeps me stable, with terrible fear of withdrawals, and NO one told me you were out of town! I've called, I've emailed, I tried everything to find you. So I'm glad you finally responded and have agreed to keep our agreement to keep the scripts refilled, but it would have helped if you, or someone, had told me you were out of the country and when you would be back so that I didn't have to spend so much time afraid out of my mind."

I have an online appointment with her tomorrow. I plan to tell her all of that tomorrow.

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its just my mom. she said she was helping me lose weight because i mentioned it. but she flaunts it in my face. sure i said i wanted to lose 5 pounds. but then she says "i was 100 pounds when i was your age. i didnt have to worry about weight. my waist was very thin". im just not wanting to become prediabetic again or diabetic and 180 pounds again or more. and now ive become self conscious.

and now shes like "i plan to lose 10 pounds by october".

TRIGGER:

i wouldnt be so self conscious about my weight i bet if my mom wasnt an alcoholic and wouldnt have called me names about my weight when i WAS overweight at the time. shes said ive eaten like a pig. shes said i look fat. many times when i was 180. this was when she was drunk.

i cant tell you how many times shes said i needed to eat healthier. even now with me weighing 10 pounds less than her.

It's her issue then. You don't have to take it on. When she talks about weight, try to tune her out.

There ya go! She needs to know how terrible it was for you to not know what was going on. And I do agree that it is very interesting that she suddenly came back from being out of the country as soon as a lawsuit was threatened.

And being out of the country doesn't make it a good excuse. Rather - it's all the more reason for her to have her email and office set up to let patients know what's going on and when she'll be available - and who is taking care of her patients in her absence

thanks. i do sorta feel self conscious myself tho. i feel as if my thighs are too big. and my stomach is big. honestly. all this stuff has gotten to me i guess. but im not fit either.

You are probably not perceiving yourself realistically. You looked very thin in the pc T-shirt photo. Please don't worry about your weight.

heres a couple of quick photos of me. one showing some skin like my arms and one showing not my arms. i put on regular jeans.

nevermind the farmers tan. i live out in the country!

You are fine. You don't need to worry about losing more weight.

I feel like I need to lose weight.

My family tell me I look pregnant.

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Newtus, do I see Squirtle socks? Awesome!


You both look great

Newtus, you're pretty!