Roll Call 61

Good morning!

I don't know if I'm getting the Abilify. That idiot refused to fill it saying the pdoc should - well I never saw the pdoc, they never called me. I don't know if I'm getting it. I'm so upset and scared. They shouldn't make it so hard to get meds.

That moron never thought to test my effing thyroid - I had to ask him to test it!

I just got attacked by a sugar snap pea. It made me feel sorry for my cats when they have hairballs.

Small world... my voices say that to me as well!

And now I ordered in food and I have anxiety about that too. If I have to go cold turkey off my meds I'll be too sick to eat.

Idk if anyone knows but I took 4-5 puffs of marijuana offered on a fishing trip not long ago.

Complete full blown psychotic episode like the one that landed me in the psych hospital.

I'd still smoke it for the 15 minute antidepressant effect and insane creativity at the beginning. Word salad that bad freaked me out though. I was freaking out thinking that it was permanent but I was in the forest taking selfies while high.

Then I lose my memory, flashes of existence from one thing to another, couldn't speak like I felt retarded or even worse.

Psychosis lasted a few hours and then I was paranoid for the day. The next night I lost it again but here's what's interesting..

My moms bf and his friend reassured me about my delusions. Made me have a shower and I felt a bit better. Morning I felt great but slept for a day or two.

The fact that I wasn't toast when off Concerta and actually awake with a bit of caffeine which is useless because it doesn't increase as much dopamine as Ritalin so.. Ya.

Now I believe that I can live very well without stimulants. That's an ease but When I can't focus, I get really irritable and agitated which is the main reason but it's all from somewhere.

therapy today @ 2

dropping off my prescriptions today too. i dont need them now but whenever they can get filled. hopefully soon because im close to running out.

i like to tell specific details about my day to you all. it helps take the loneliness off a bit. cause when i dont tell anyone then i have secrets. i only need so many secrets.

Here in Canada, they will give an 8 day emergency supply. I ran out of Concerta so they did just that until I saw my psychiatrist.

I don't think this pharmacy will do that unfortunately. I think I'm out of luck. Now I probably have to decide whether to go off it or go to a ER. I don't want to do either. I'm very upset.

I have seen so many posts about situations like this and it's just downright awful. These people should be ashamed of themselves. I'm sorry this is going on, you have enough going on as it is.

Changed my major from Pre-Nursing to BFA Graphic Design and minor in Multimedia and Web Design.

I've been a busy bee lately. I'm very active in my church and stuff, and I've also been composing music(piano) like a fiend lol... Between both of those things and having a social life I've barely had time to sit down and breathe for a bit. It's nice to have a life again, 2013 was a particularly bad year for me(I know some of the regulars who were around back then know how tough that year was for me). It's been a hard road to get stable again but I am so thankful to be stable now. I just hope it keeps up. Most of my mental health related stuff is focusing on my Narcissistic Personality Disorder now that my schizophrenia is in remission. I have an excellent therapist that has already helped me with quite a few of my issues already.

So all in all, life is going exceptionally well for me these days.

Never mind.

umm, ya. i had an ear infection this year. the pain is incredible

Ouch, ear infections really do just hurt like heck.

T made a budget spreadsheet for me and emailed it to me. he said it was for reassurance. he basically told me i could survive. he also said he doesnt think i will lose my disability. i think i misinterpreted something he said and i felt hurt after the session. i thought about it a lot and why i felt hurt over it. i do believe i read into it the wrong way so i am feeling better about it.

this morning there was an article online about a bicyclist killed in the town T lives in. T rides his bike to his office sometimes and i thought it was him. i texted him and said are you alive and he said physically but not spiritually. i said ok thats good enough. he said speak for yourself. he is silly

yes. i had never had one and i had no idea!!! i went to work one day with the pain so bad. it was very intense

cool!

... i wish i knew what i wanted to do with my life

I've only had a couple but omg they hurt SO. BAD. Like geez, I think that whoever created ear infections clearly believed in total overkill.

didgee given you admit you dont know chickenfoot very well you then went on to make alot of accusations and assumptions which look like they are intended to be hurtful. your post reads like this has more to do with you grandstanding than it does concern for chickenfoot. what are you hoping to get out of this conversation?

i feel so out of it.
i truly do.
help.

just came back from my therapist. feel out of it. feeling like a zombie. feeling like really bad.

Bacon wrapped deep fried oreos

We all have similar problems & really have the best of intentions at heart even if we can be opinionated at times & sharp with our words.

is all.

what happened during therapy?