Roll Call 61

we talked about my parents and what my mom said to me. i literally feel like a complete zombie. i told her that. she said the 15mg of haldol is something my body has to get used to but i cant do this.

...i could barely drive home.
either im overmedicated (which i truly believe i am)
or im going through some weird psychosis (which i dont believe so)

i can barely think right now.

Can I just remind people that PMs are a great way to resolve conflict----not everything needs to be on the forum...

I can make those.

I abused DXM as well but it's only a one time thing for me. I was convinced that people were out to get me because I kept seeing things that are so out of this world. What I saw was not real. It was like a 4th demension type thing. I was working at the time and all I saw was machinery mostly.

I couldn't pretend that I wasn't high anymore so I told a coworker and explained to him how I couldn't see the width of the steal plates and that I was high.

Almost got fired but I've been doing that all the time. I was late cuz my apartment flooded with blood vomit 400 dollars worth of booze, etc.

In the moment, I spent hours through the night just concentrating on not drying.

DXM is a dissociative and an SSRI. I mixed with Prozac (Another SSRI) max dose.

A lot of the time, I had good friends watching me on cam during those times cutting my hair to make it even then shaved my whole head.

Benadryl? It's diphenhydramine. A powerful deliriant which was used in discovering Prozac so ya never again with that one either. Expect OCD to be worse. The fact that OCD and schizophrenia are on some sort of spectrum of insight because it's a deliriant.

Weird

i feel like an out of body experience. dissociation. so weird.

i just took my biology exam. the first one. i missed 9 out of 48 questions. i dont know how i feel about that

do you guys think that's bad?

Would that get you a C grade? It depends what it does to your final grade I guess. I wouldn't stress out about it though (although I stress out about everything, which is why it's good no one else is me).

it stresses me out... i studied for it a lot. i guess i just didnt know his testing style til now. i was a little alarmed.

i will be more prepared next time

Does he offer any extra credit assignment? You could bring your grade up with that if he has it.

i dont think so. most teachers wont do extra credit

Well that's OK. You'll prepare better next time. Really, try not to worry about it.

thanks, ill be all right

i feel safer now/better. but that feeling was awful. i could barely drive. im worried as to what all this could mean. i just hope its as simple as lowering my haldol dose.

[COLOR="Blue"][/ive been through a gamit of eardrops. A gamit damit. Nutin workin.

Hi do Hyper. Yes its ba bad to have this ear thang. For reel chill.

I was about to do LSD in the mental hospital but then I said nah cuz that's ridiculous lol.

So sorry so sorry Loyal. Take good courage. All will be well.

It's so lovely to hear that Atypical

I would suggest that it sounds like dissociation, especially if you were talking about something difficult like your relationship with your mother. I used to have it when I first started seeing a pdoc and T because I was so bad at opening up about thoughts & feelings. Twice I actually completely lost time (one time I drove!).

Once I learned what it was, I taught myself how to ground in the present and it rarely happens now because I start grounding at the earliest signs. Grounding involves locating yourself in the present using your 5 senses. For me, touch was very effective. I used to see my first T right next to a park, so I would go for a walk in the park after my sessions. I was the weirdo trying to surreptitiously stroke the trees to ground myself! It always brought me back to my body and then I was safe enough to drive home.

You could practise grounding techniques before your next session (it takes practise) and then see if using them in session prevents/reduces that feeling. And definitely do it before you drive home - we don't want you getting into an accident

*Willow*

I've been busy buying things for my new flat lately. It's been quite expensive because I've only lived in furnished house shares before so there's lots of furniture and stuff like a washing machine and ironing board etc to buy. But also fun stuff like lamp shades, cushions and throws too. I've just ordered some paper napkins online because I'm going to decoupage them onto a nest of tables that I'm going to paint and distress. I've also bought a dining table that is also going to be my desk (which will force me to keep it tidy! lol - there's no room for both) and 2 random dining chairs from a charity shop, and I need to find 2 more. As none of them match, I'm going to paint and distress them the same, and then recover the padded bases with this really nice fabric that I found. I'm very busy, but looking forward to this next chapter

I've also signed up to throw a tea party to raise money for Rethink during Sz Awareness Week (5-10th Oct). I thought it would be a good incentive to get my flat unpacked and tidy, and also help me get to know the people on my course by inviting them to attend. Plus raise money for charity

*Willow*

all of this sounds awesome!!

It is for me, but it's also hard because my parents are feeling down about my grandfather and my mum's dog dying recently, and about me leaving soon. And my brother is feeling down because he's struggling with uni academically and financially and so may not be able to afford to go on his placement year, and all of his (uni) friends are away on placements, or busy with work (home friends), so he has no one to go out with, so he's bored and fed up. Even Dog is really sad about his doggie friend dying

So I feel conflicted; bad that they're all struggling while I'm doing fairly well recently, but also glad that I'm taking this next step in my life. And slightly stressed because there's so much to organise and so many decisions to make, but excited too about living on my own for the first time.

*Willow*

Step out of the car please...

Hands behind your back.

You're under arrest for having more motivation than a tweaker.

You have the right to remain silent or something.

thanks willow.

ill look up some grounding techniques.

it was just so weird. i felt like my body was a shell and i was just moving around in it. everything seemed distant. i didnt recongnize my home when i got home. it looked off. everything looked different.

idk how i made it home but i did.

this is why i dont like talking about my mom in therapy. theres always anxiety with talking about her. i hate it.

i almost want to quit therapy but i cant