Roll Call 61

but i still have episodes

I'd like to move. I haven't found a place yet but maybe I should really try to look everyday. It's hard without transportation though. I wish so much I hadn't moved here.

Don't you hate it when you get to the first test a professor gets? You don't know his style and how could you be prepared sometimes.

the university i want to goto posted something about their football team on FB and everyone made fun of them for it because they dont really take athletics seriously there and the fans are not good. so they have a very small football following. they were trying to compare them to Texas Tech or Texas A&M. which they arent like that.

i feel like cutting everyone off from my life right now for awhile. i feel that bad. i just want to isolate.

I think you'll end up feeling worse if you do....you've worked very hard to be as stable as you are and part of that stability involves being able to talk to others. You had said previously that talking to the nurses was one of the key things you needed from hospitalization....I know it's hard but keep your family and friendships as strong as you can....

Did anything bad happen today or is it just that you don't feel well? You don't have to talk to your mom if she's going to criticize you or be abusive. It doesn't mean you don't love her.

So you have a wild spark of madness. Doesn't it make you wiser and more empathetic to those who suffer from anything that ails them? Tomorrow you'll forget all of this and you'll shrug it off I bet. It humbles a person and lights a flame of fragility of our shared humanity.

true. im surprised you remember that. but yea that was true. im just getting so little of actually being with someone. i could spend all day on here but nothing matches up with actually being with someone. its so incredibly lonely. im fighting with my mom now. my dad and sister are always busy. they work. my moms sick of seeing me and she only sees me once a week or less. my sister doesnt even near dallas. she lives near mexico in another texas town.

nobody gets how frustrating this is to be this isolated. pretty much against my will. i cant even drive right now i feel so bad. idk if its the meds or psychosis right now im so confused but im pretty sure its the meds.

my mind just feels so confused and i feel almost delirious-like.

If you learn to embrace the crazy people can't hurt you with it...it takes some time though...years, but I feel it's the right path. For example I had a party for my one year sanity celebration with four types of fruitcake....it opens the doors for friends to play with that whole spectrum of emotion and not feel barriers.

For example once I was talking to my mom and I was like such and such is driving me crazy. She was like "too late". I totally cracked up...

i just dont feel well. and im not going to talk to my mom. its hard to not to kinda but im not. i dont feel like talking to anyone really IRL tbh. im sick of being abused by her and criticized. but im also sick of being alone...

I know you don't like your group but do you feel less isolated when you go there?

I know. I'm in the same situation as that with my family members. It's very hard.

yes i feel less isolated but i can barely keep my eyes open during group and i shouldnt be driving right now

group is not productive for me. its just a way for me to socialize but theres no time to actually socialize because the group leader is always talking. so its not productive for me.

How about picking someone in group that you like and then saying hello to them after it's done, and ask if they'd like to go get coffee?

problem is they need me to give THEM a ride. im sick of riding people around plus im not in a place to be driving right now. no one in group has a car except 2 older men. theres only know two people from group. 1 has spina bifida and complains about transportation. the other works and has no time.

my friend and i went to charlotte to ikea. on the way there we were stuck in standstill traffic. so we got there later than planned. we looked around at everything, it was fun. i found the chair my T sits in in his office. i texted him a pic of it , lol. he said that ikea is his girlfriends mecca. my friend got a few things and we had to haul them into the car and into her new apartment. her apartment was cute...i liked it. i just got home. charlotte is 1.5 hrs away, so its a drive.

i work tomorrow 9 to 4, not looking forward to it

I changed my major to BFA in Graphic Design and a minor in Multimedia and Web Design.

You can see some of my artwork at luminmoo.deviantart.com

I need improvement. I'm so excited to do artwork. I look forward to it every day. It helps with stress as well.

2:30 can't sleep. I was woke up by a excruciating pain in my leg.just like a needle going in.i kicked the cuvers back looking for spider. Nothing there, now I'm going back asleep.
Lights Out.
Hope everyone is sleeping well and have a really good day.

Your artwork is great!

I wish I could draw that well, I get frustrated easily if things don't come out perfect the first try

Morning all!

Had a productive day so far today... I've booked my appointment for my blood tests, updated my address with my bank (I hadn't got around to doing it since I moved flats) & been to the recycling point with my cardboard etc.

I've also been looking at upgrading my phone now my contract is almost finished. I was wanting to get an iPhone 6 but the cheapest plan would be an extra £5 a month compared to what I pay at the moment. That's not a huge increase but being unemployed it's already very expensive for me, so I don't think I can afford that. I was thinking I might just go for a sim only contract for 12 months which is a lot cheaper, so I can save money & then get a new phone next year. Just have to hope my phone will holdout another year, had it for two years now.

6 or 6s they released yesterday?.....I had my last iphone four years and it was fine but I stopped updating the iOS....

I was talking about the iPhone 6... the 6S isn't available until the 25th & I doubt I would have gone for that anyway as the handset cost would have been quite expensive on top of the contract.

Being as I'll be waiting a year I'd imagine I'll get the 6S when my new contract ends though.

morning

my arm hurts from gettig the flu shot.

i still dont feel well. now i physically dont feel well on top of that. i got a headache. i feel depressed a bit from everythig thats been happening to me.

my chickens are eating watermelon right now.