Roll Call 73

i think everyone around me is starting to have doubts about me being in school. except for my dad who says its a priority.

Good afternoon everyone. So.. a few days ago I felt so great. I felt so glad to feel that way so I tried to do things that I usually can’t do. I helped my mom, a lot, that she even said that she is proud of me. I helped my bf too that he even cried while saying thank you, and my friends said “you look so different now, I can see you as the old you, before all of these happen to you, but even better”. Idk, I think it’s almost ten years since the last time I feel great. But apparently I pushed myself too hard, yesterday I felt so tired, first physically and then mentally, and now I fall deep into depression again. However, now I realize that my abilities are still here, it’s just buried under depression. I didn’t lose it, so now I know I just need to dig it back to surface. So take care peaceful mind, I know I’ll meet you again one day. Oh, and I am glad that most of us feel better than yesterday

Hi Angelique, did I miss your post or you haven't post anything today? Are you okay? and Chickenfoot, I am glad to see you around again, glad you take your meds back

What do you think you should do? Logically.

Newtus, I think it’s take a bravery to be able to tell the truth about anything, including about ourselves. If you did being honest to people, then you should be proud of your bravery. We just need to be really careful with whom we open up with. Honesty is very expensive, don’t expect cheap people to appreciate it.

i truly dont know.

its not like im gonna finish school in 1 year or even a few. yet everyone keeps saying "youre still in school?"

im starting to get really burnt out by it. really bummed out a lot. i just wished i had kept it a secret. i wish i never told anyone i was going. my mom and sister are pushing me to get a job. tbh i have no idea what im going to do with chosen degree that i chose.

its too late though. everyone knows im going. i feel like im stuck in a cycle of not doing well.

im not even doing well emotionally right now or mentally. but i thank god im not suicidal or anything.

thats a great way to put it.

Tonight, we are getting a bucket of chicken and watching TV. It will have some of my favorite new beer...Daisy Cutter. Nothing exciting and I feel like I'm watching way more TV than before. OMG, I'm turning into a couch potato!! I use to be so active--no desire for anything, right now.

You're going to school for you. It doesn't matter what other people think. There are much older people going to school. If you have to pace yourself to avoid burn out then that's what you should do. I know hoe hard it is. I dropped out and wish everyday that I hadn't.

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My sister went to see Van Gogh's exhibit at the Art Institute and found out he was Schizoaffective like me. I don't know how to respond to that. All I said was "cool, I guess!"
Maybe I should take up painting, what'cha think?

Going to a baseball game tonight.

First time outside really in a few weeks.

I hate being agoraphobic

I hate it too

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I've been worried about Angelique. She hasn't been around

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About to go to the game, if my parents figure out which one wants to take me...

Have a bad feeling I won't make it

thank you. i dont have enough encouragement like that. i feel like everyone has given up on me.

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Beautiful weather outside, on porch waiting for Stepdad to take me to the game

I need to get my drivers license, just get far too anxious behind the wheel

Awesome day today on the mountain. The top is cold and then as we go down, the snow starts to get to slush it was cool.

Here's a picture I took at the top of the mountain..



Then going between two mountains across the valley..

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Sights at the game

I don't have my drivers yet but I have my learners. No one lets me drive though cuz I'm always so tired.

I have my learners too, just never drive

you kinda just gotta do it.

i mean im always tired when i drive. thats why some days i dont even leave the house. aside from the paranoia sometimes. but my meds make me really tired.

what i mean is you just kinda have to learn. learn to drive even if youre scared or tired. it gets easier with time.

but im sorry you guys are feeling like that about driving

maybe im too abrupt.
but its so important to know how to drive and have a license. or maybe just where i live i see that i cant get around unless i drive. theres no uber or bus or taxi.

it took me 2 hours to go around the "block" from my house all around the fields and back, on a bike. a 1 speed.

is it gross to put period blood on your face??

I would not ride that thing down! Crazzzzzy!