Roll Call 73

that is scary.

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That sounds pretty damn scary.

Glad you are ok.

Because of my diagnosis people are gonna think I'm crazy about this microchip stuff.

I can feel it

Voices voices voices kindly **** off.

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Visual basic is more like the updated version of basic. It has object oriented support and functions not available in the old basic language and suite.

I know the feeling.

I've always been branded as a bit crazy, nothing new.

for knowing how I feel though

Was really looking forward to McGregor v RDJ ... now it's Diaz. Going to be an easy slap around for McGregor.

Learning this at the moment, hands aren't quite working though.

I have a question that my friend in medical school brought up. Do you feel as though nicotine helps with cognition for those of you on the schizophrenic spectrum?

It definitely helps me cognitively. I reach for my vape as soon as I wake up.

My psychiatrist has changed my appointment 3 times now.....ironically one of my choices today was for the original appointment time that got cancelled....

why have they changed it so much?

i reach for my ecig too the minute i wake up.
idk if it helps me cognitely but it helps me a bit to think through school and situations. i guess thats cognitive.

It's pretty standard for them---I only have 1 appointment every 6 months so that gives them plenty of time for them to decide there is no clinic that day for vacation or whatever. My pdoc only has clinic 1 day a week and really only in the afternoon so if you get bumped it can be a couple of weeks difference. Basically she will give refills over the phone though so its not a big deal for me as long as I have my meds. As usual though my options are to deal with it or find another pdoc, but its so convenient to go at work.

Nicotine helps cognitively for everyone I think because it's a nootropic and a cognitive enhancer. With schizophrenia, there's cognitive impairment so people are more prone to becoming dependent on nicotine but there are many other reasons.

My modafinil is flying from the UK now. I had to pay a lot ughh I hope my psychiatrist does something about my severe fatigue. Idk if he can legally prescribe to someone that doesn't have narcolepsy though even though it's much less dangerous than the meds I'm already on.

Mostly I use like 10 sprays of nicotine spray at once so 5-7 cigarettes at once.

I feel better today.

That got me reading about smoking and mental illness and I came across this. It's about schizoaffective and bipolar though.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4423166/

"A recent prospective and naturalistic study over 24 months examined the effect of tobacco smoking on mental health outcomes in 239 patients with schizo-affective and bipolar disorder,11) and found that in both schizoaffective and bipolar disorder, daily smokers had poorer prognosis in terms of depression and overall bipolar symptomatology (assessed using the Clinical Global Impressions — Depression and Clinical Global Impressions — Overall Bipolar scales) and longer stays in hospital compared with non-smokers."

http://edepositireland.ie/bitstream/...=1&isAllowed=y

I totally flipped out at my mom. I'm calm and I said I'm very sorry. This anti depressant makes me an asshole. It makes me care less, empathize less. I can't listen to music or lectures. I can read still, but I can't listen to anything on my headphones. I feel a lot less. I can't write poetry like this at all. I only understand logical arguments. I can mechanistically write, but it sounds like poop.

I'm going to be depressed again, because I don't think I can live like this. This might mean I have to go on the klonopin again. I don't really notice a difference between SNRI and SSRI. How are they traditionally differ in how one feels emotion?

the meds are a balancing act. If it's not one thing it's another. Makes ya wonder why we bother. I feel nothing.

Eta. I do still feel love for my husband and kids.
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Things that release or inhibit norepinephrine make me feel anhedonic like how anxiety makes you feel nothing during a panic attack.

When I started Concerta, It made me feel so terrible. It increases norepinephrine and I felt good when it wore off so I stopped taking it for 3 months.

Then I abused it and it increased the tolerance at a faster rate. My psychiatrist said it would take 3 months for the anhedonia to go away and I couldn't wait that long. Then I started to like it eventually because my brain adjusted to it. Effexor IR is like crack so they discontinued it I think.

I think that's why the ADHD med (Strattera) has the main side effect of suicidal thoughts which is why most people stop taking it because it's an NRI.

@Ody, I think you have to wait until your brain adjusts to it.. then you will need it to feel hedonic.. so I wouldn't take it for like 10 years. For me, it would take years to decrease the tolerance.

But norepinephrine is stimulating and the brain never forgets the path of stimulants.

*sleeps*

Feeling of the chip in my foot is gone for now, was a bit delusional, hope it doesn't come back

is it weird that i only feel happy because of the good grade i got in english? i dont feel happy for any other reason and im not paying attention to much else either.