Roll Call 74

IDK we were talking about breast feeding and she said they get small doses of the med that way as well so the withdrawal isn't so much. She actually recommends breast feeding even though the meds do not...she said its a very low dose. It's obviously not perfect but I do think its a viable option. The mutations could happen but its not clear what they are, for example she was talking about cleft palate with lamictal but that's correctable so not a huge deal.

Are you living with your current bf? I'd say that's an important step to get out of the way before even thinking of starting a family with him. Like live together for over a year. You reallllly don't know someone until you live with them.

I'm too scared that I'll pass on my disease to a son or daughter, even though eventually I would love a baby.

Yeah I don't agree with that at all. I wouldn't even risk something like a cleft palate problem. I am close with my nieces and nephews and if they had to go through something like corrective surgery I'd be heartbroken.

You said your relapse consisted of a few knocking noises and smell hallucinations. Was that the full extent of it?

i think its really crappy to be on meds for this reason. so psychiatrists can dictate whether we want to start a family or not? thats not fair. at all. its not our fault we are on meds but that shouldnt stop people from having family. thats like darwinism almost. and i hate that so much.

it seems like you are doing fairly ok. i mean aside from some symptoms. why cant you go off for awhile?

No he lives with his mom who has dementia so there are some limitations there but yeah I would want to live with him first and know him at least a year, preferably be married its just I feel some pressure with my age and all----but yeah that's good advice. IDK rational me says not to have a kid at all but irrational me is thinking I should, we'll see who wins this one. I think part of it is if I can't have a kid we should part ways now because he really really wants one or more so it's more about potential futures than solid realities right now.

Do you agree with those diagnoses? I'm wondering in particular about you having had a manic episode? Perhaps I just forgot, sorry.

Pregnancy is tricky. It's not automatically 'high risk', although they certainly need to keep an eye on things. Many women find that the pregnancy hormones really level them out and they do the best they ever have. Some women get much worse. The rest stay the same. It's a coin toss is what I'm saying, not automatically going to be bad and require medication.

Personally I don't think APs are safe to foetal brain development. We don't really know exactly what they do to fully matured adult brains (as referenced in the 'brain damage' thread), so I would be really worried about what could happen to a developing foetal brain. Also, newborn babies go through rapid AP withdrawal. Anyone who has stopped their AP knows how unpleasant that is! I read recently about SSRIs possibly linked to autism, and people have been saying that SSRIs are mostly safe in pregnancy for years. We really don't know enough about the brain and the medication to know for sure.

Can you see a perinatal psychiatrist? We have some in the UK, although it's a postcode lottery as to whether your area has one. They would have the best knowledge and advice as it's what they do day in, day out.

I'm glad that things seem to be going so well for you. It is nice to hear

*Willow*

Some music hallucinations and some delusions like thinking this old man had a bomb because he had his hands behind his back....basically it was escalating so I went back on meds but it was way less than last time.

i dont think thats irrational to want a child SP.

She said if I relapse off the meds it would make me treatment resistant in the future which would suck.

I think the dx of bipolar I is conservative, I think its more likely sza because I don't believe I was ever fully manic only hypomanic----I mean you're supposed to be out of control being manic and psychotic at once but I wasn't really all that wild.

Yeah you know I worry about a baby but at the same time babies that you would get from adoption have likely been exposed to alcohol or illegal drugs as well so you don't have great options.

I would like to see a specialist if I decide to get pregnant but it would be some time from now as I'm not really sure how I feel at the moment. I just wanted to know the options as I've never considered it before and there is always the possibility of an accident.

That doesn't sound so bad, I mean it's not great but you can learn to deal with it for 9 months.

I've never heard that from my pdocs and he never brought that up when I wanted to come off meds. He just said I'll relapse and can go back on them, but it's not an off switch, it'll take time for them to work again, like a few weeks.

I'm the type that I wouldn't choose any risk to my baby. And I think any parent would see it the same way, baby comes first. I'd be in a lot worse shape if I took AP's and the baby was in pain in one way or another, I couldn't live with that. But that's just me, I'm not dictating what anyone else should do.

Rational me says to use a surrogate to carry the baby if I want one, possibly my sister although I don't know if she would do it or not....I think she might but you can get a foreign surrogate like from India for a reasonable amount of money, less than a car anyway.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Personally I wouldn't adopt either, but then my adopted siblings are pretty messed up so that massively puts me off...

It's good to think ahead. I think I read that half of all babies born in the UK now are unplanned!

*Willow*

The problem is during my first break things were a lot worse, for example I thought I had a transmitter in my tooth and was very close to breaking them all out with a hammer----I'm not sure what stopped me from doing it TBH and my pdoc doesn't know either. What if I started getting weird feelings about the baby and hurt it in some way, it's unfathomable and yet it could happen. To me that's worse than a low dose of med I've been taking safely for 3+ years.

That's a hypothetical. The fact is at the very least the baby will go into withdrawals. That's messed up.

To be honest, with meds in pregnancy, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't, unfortunately. Not being on meds could still harm the baby because there's loads of studies about the harmful effects that maternal stress can have! :/

*Willow*

Also with delusions like that, the risk goes down significantly if you have resisted in the past.

Yeah I think willow is right about this---its a bit of a wash....

I honestly hope that's true----I used to be so worried about what I could do.

It's a choice and it we have to accept the consequences of whatever choice we make. I've weighed the pros and cons and personally I know what I'll be doing when the time comes.

Yeah I've been told that a number of times by professionals, I also read it in a few places. If you look up risk assessment protocols online you'll find info on it.

they are already selling baby chicks at the farm store.

and my hamster is dying i think from the tumor. he sleeps on his side now. he had his foot out and i touched it and he didnt respond.

Are you going to get your hen some company?

Can you take him to the vet?

well im supposed to have baby chicks coming in the mail. if i want to change the order in any way i have to call the company. i cant change it online.

and im not sure if i should take my hamster to the vet. i care about him a lot but...it was a 6 dollar hamster......i dont have the money to pay for a vet bill that could cost 10x the cost of the hamster.

call me an idiot if you want but i just dont think i should have to spend a lot of money if a hamster only lives 2-3 years. and ive had him for 2 already.

i feel so bad but im plagued by financial stress too.