Safe Place 2

A friend of mine I've known for 8 years just committed suicide. The hardest part of it all is I feel so responsible for his death

I have felt this way before, and it was hard to acknowledge that there was nothing I could have done either way. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I've been fighting to feel emotions for the past 4 years. The struggle is that I have biologically caused panic attacks twice a day due to a medicine reaction I had with Wellbutrin. My doctors slapped me with ssri's, with snri's, with moodstabilzers, and all of these have stopped my panic attacks, but they numb me emotionally. They dull, they blunt the affect. Those deep, raw emotions that make life worth living are gone when I'm on these meds.

So in a last ditch effort, after trying all sorts of medication combinations I've experimented with lowering my lamictal, hoping I can get off of it so that I can feel emotions once again. I was up to 375 and I finally was down to 150mgs, and last night I had my first sign of a panic attack. So I took a klonopin. Today, at the exact the same time I experienced another. They are clockwork, always were. They're back, or rather, they've always been there, just too numb to feel them.

So do I dope myself up on klonopin again? I had to take 1mg three times a day, every day, to subdue these panic attacks. The problem with taking this medication is that it makes it difficult to wake up, to drive, and to function. The half life is 30-40 hours so it builds up in the system.

I can't function like that. I haven't experienced one med that relieves my ****ing panic attacks enough so that I can feel some ****ing music for once. What's the point of life if you can't feel anything?

I'm at my wits end. What's the point to life if you can't feel anything? I won't live like this much longer. No way. It's torture.

I don't know if I'm ok or not right now.

loial I'm so sorry.

.....

She was one of the few people these days who I had proper conversations with. And now she's gone...

so anyone ever thought of the voicethoughts having their own concern about a safe place? in my head they are always telling me that they dont have another alternative besides living in my head and that theres no other home. :/
but ofcouse there is a place called home that any sorts of people can go to and that we all know. i think its a easy way to start fresh and do whats right.

life is already set out for us we just have to look
-ey

I'm very sorry for your loss. I've been thinking of her a lot too, although I did not have a good relationship/friendship with her. She didn't deserve a death sentence.

My thoughts are having a hard time believing she'd knowingly kill herself. So if she's gone, I'd think it was an unfortunate accident.

I've been thinking a lot about her too. It's so sad. She had just been in the hospital. She should have been feeling okay. She didn't deserve to die. I hate to even think about it. I hope she wasn't alone but then again I hate to think about someone seeing it. I don't know. It's all so sad.
I had an online friend that killed herself. She planned it out.

Speaking of this has anyone spoken with OliverB? I'm worried.

I also had a young online friend who died. The way she died isn't known by me. So I don't know if it was accidental. She was a very tortured person. That was at least 10 years ago.

Chickenfoot was very abusive to me. Not exactly a quality I found endearing.

I am sorry for not answering, I have been really busy with my mental problems and college, and too sad about my life I didn't enter the forums. I feel useless and I feel I am wasting my time and being bad unless I am studying... ough... It's hard...

I am a bit better, and trying to do a lot of things to keep getting better. I don't have suicidal urges anymore, just some thoughts.

Hey man, if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. I have a kik, and I'm always up for talking.

She was too careless and disorganized to really plan it out. Sorry.

Why does everyone around me keep dying?

What does this mean?

I'm very sorry if this was offensive.

She is definitely gone...

http://m.wexfordpeople.ie/deaths/pau...-35372074.html

I can't stop thinking about her too. All we can do now is pray for her. But to be honest I am more worried about Loial now. So can we please stop talking about this?

Uhh...ok

I don't know what's wrong with me. I keep thinking about death. I want to know what happens after we die. I used to think it was just dark and that's it (no afterlife) but when I think about life surely this can't be it? I mean get a job, earn money then you die? I hope this existence isn't the only one. I dunno I'm just rambling now but is it weird that I look forward to death because I hope there is something after we die. I should point out I'm not planning to commit suicide or anything like that I'm just curious.

I think about life after death a lot too. I don't know what it is but like you said this can't be it.

is it okay if i brig this thread back?
i took a long time searching for it

i am feeling so unsafe
one minute my parents tell me in need to find someplace else to live
now my mom says she won't leave me behind

it's stressing me out
the wishy washyness makes me feel like they don't care about my feelings and want to control me

It sounds to me like there are two things going on, Kori. First, you feel restless and need to find more spice in your life, if I recall, you expressed this need to your parents and that's why they said the door was open. Your mom was just expressing her own frustration when you expressed yourself, it was a knee jerk reaction that all humans hve in common. With that said, maybe you could look for local concerts, comedy shows, meetup.com interactions. Sometimes its as easy as a good book.