Roll Call #79

I don't know much about Brexit. But I'll go to England on summer... (aka winter there).

But I also hate Social Media Ignorance

i want to visit someone i like but im scared of having symptoms. my tongue twists and i cant talk properly

I've been sleeping a lot more ths. I usually do
Hopefully the sleepiness doesn't last long

Stelazine has been a miracle for me but it makes me so tired and doesn't help with me feeling watched

turns out T is just going to charlotte for 5 days

I'm going to make porridge!

Breakfast of kings!

Do you mean your tongue moves involuntarily? That sort of thing can be a sign of tardive dyskinesia...

It's probably nothing but worth checking out.

Well that was embarrassing. I can't even edit it anymore.

i have no idea. i talk two things at the same time, specially when im psychotic

Even though everything is going wonderfully in my life right now, knock on wood, I think I'm starting to feel depressed---hopefully it doesn't last long.......

I can relate. A lot of positive things have been happening in my life too. A few days ago I realized the sadness (or whatever it is) is due to not having a goal to work towards. Goals have always given me hope, because they prevent "that's it" thinking. I've realized the only things that relieve it is constant learning. They definitely have protective properties.

I feel like teaching myself guitar now

Edit: Pretty hard to play with the nerve damage in my left arm. My left hand is so weak now >.<

That's a good point...I wonder if I need a new goal? Glad to hear from you again

This is quiet hard to understand...

I feel like I'm not worthy of living because of my drug past and what I said about it and if I do it again and OD then that's what should happen.

I feel like it defines me as a person and that my personality is now worthless and lower than everyone else.. why?

Because back then and now, when people were children, adults said "Drugs are bad".

It's kinda taking over me. Maybe I'm just a drug friend and I'm not worthy of talking to anyone about it either because they were one of those children that were heavily influenced by the drug stigma.

Like if I were to talk to a girl and she would be like no you're a drug addict even if I don't do drugs anymore.

Then what's the point of getting a job or being on the same bus as someone else.

Feeling paranoid that those people that are out to get me are controlling my mind and making me give up on something that I know is rational because I don't have anyone that is outside the box to give me insight (even drug addicts look down on me probably - which proves that I'm not thinking properly unless.. it's true that I'm being watched) and I'm sitting outside it thinking.. well ..

On a different point. First impressions..

I can't shake the fact that if someone has a bad first impression of me, then I have to change it but I'm told to just tell the person fine just **** off. BUT THAT doesn't make sense to me.

You have to MAKE the person believe the truth.

But it's kind of hopeless because if someone would look down on me, that kinda breaks it and I then look down on them and THEN accept that they are right because

I can't change something which means that it is true because the opposite hasn't happened yet.

So I'm going to have to not be myself to fit in with society and tbh I'd rather just not be apart of society and be an outcast which just leads back to BEING an outcast and maybe that is my personality as it got me there in the first place.

Idk if anyone cares about philosophy anymore but this is something that maybe is mixed with paranoia or semi delusion i have no idea.

I feel like my mind isn't in control.

People might say well I don't care what other people think. I don't either but at the same time, what if those people are real that are out to get me. Normal people don't have paranoia in that factor and when they do maybe that's why people end up like this or that.

I'm not asking for help I just want to put that there to read later because that's what goes through my head before I make a rational decision.

@hyperagitate, (did i spell that right?)You are only an outcast if you stop believing in your own worth. I believe you are still in a state of grace, and may be for awhile, until you decide on the new things you can do and try as a non outcast person.

Hey everyone. Hope you've all enjoyed your day. It's been quiet here today just me the kids and the dogs. My son is off with my husband now so it's even more quiet. Except my beagle who is outside baying because she saw a bunny.

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Don't let society or your past define you. You are worth so much more.

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What are you going to decide?

Idk I forget. I'll put an Abilify under my tongue.

Hm, is it something I said?

No lol I just feel a bit off. Abilify helps stabilize mood.

It's a bitter tasting pill though, right? Or maybe I'm misremembering? Just wondering why you'd put a hard pill under your tongue. I used to put my sweeter tasting kpins under my tongue. But my short script of Xanax were really bitter too.

Just checking

Is anyone awake?
I have cramps and I can't sleep
Stupid periods