Roll Call #79

Finishes the outline for my book.

i feel blah. sad. maybe shuld just go to bed

I should be a salesman!

I was at the table and my mom is helping her friend with a business in selling. She's good at selling things but she's too honest she says.

I said I can sell you anything..

The crystal bowl on the table....

"Have you heard the song twinkle twinkle little star?".
"Yes".
"Have you ever looked up at the stars and wondered what they are? Well some of them are actually diamonds. Very dense like this crystal bowl as it has lead in it very close to a diamond".

A pen on the table...

"Do you like to write?".
"Yes".
"What do you need to write?".
"A pen".
"Do you have a pen on you?".
"No".
"Well here is a pen".

The food on the table....

"Are you a greatful person for what you have?"
"Yes I very much am".
"Are you hungry?"
"No I just ate".
"Well, there's lost's of people starving in Africa and you wouldn't want this food to go to waste because I'm going to throw it away right in front of you if you don't buy this food!".

So I changed my quad description to this....

"Do you want a cheap quad that is barely used mostly on flat road with perfect tires, an extra seat and container, a wrinch and a full tank when you arrive? Well my god this is the quad for you!

299 hours, works like new.

Need money to buy my sister a birthday present in July. If you can take advantage of this good deal then that would be perfect!".

Honesty? Nope. There's a flat tire but I pumped it up and when they find out, it's already sold..

And that is why people call salesmen sleezy because some, they are psychological geniuses

found out why my sister threw out her friends that she was letting stay in my niece’s room. they were doing heroin in my niece’s bedroom. when they saw the needles I guess they kicked them out and blocked off the room to clean up. My niece isn't allowed in there until she cleans the room. My sister has tried it all before and I'm sure she's aware her friends do harder drugs than pot. My sister isn't exactly great at her choices of friends. I don't trust 90% of her friends.

my sister is addicted to pain killers. She snorts them and makes questionable choices. It is hard seeing a love one destroys themselves. Crazy thing is.... my dad and stepmom get pain killers and they sale them to her. They complain about it but they still feed into her addiction. If they find out that she has done harder drugs before they threaten to take custody of my niece but I don’t believe them.

I have no means on taking care of a child. I live with my dad and stepmom and I wouldn't trust my dad and stepmom with my children. If need to be I'd take her in a heartbeat. Though, with my schizophrenia I don’t know if I can take care of a child. My niece is 5 but I'm sure she's aware something isn't right... I grew up watching my uncles almost kill themselves with drugs so I can relate to what she's feeling. I'm pretty sure she effected by it with her mommy being high all the time.

I don't think she understands it very much just that her mommy acts differently at times. When her mom was with her dad... her dad used to beat my sister black and blue. She gets nightmares from it. I'm worried about my niece. I hope she knows she can come to me for support. I worry about it with her. especially sexual abuse. I will murder the ****er who tries. Hard part is that I can't control who she hangs around with.

Sadly, child protective services have been called on my sister several times and they've done nothing about it and they can take my niece from my sister to her abusive dad and his family. I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure at all what to do other than support my niece through this tough ride. I don't trust foster homes, I don't trust her mom, I don't trust her dad, I don't even trust my dad, and stepmom. Best case scenario is that she lives with my stepmom and dad... worse case is she is dumped at her dads.

Can't sleep, been up this late so often this week.

Feeling like i'm getting worse again, idk if it's just my mind screwing with me or if I actually am getting worse. Haven't been to the pdoc in a while, may schedule an appointment.

damn does she run! if i let her go she goes after deers.. she used to take trips several hours but now that shes 10yrs old she stays close to us so i can let her go more often. its so nice to watch her swim in swamps and run in the forests.

My life's been hectic lately... We finally got food for the house yesterday and I had not ate since Thursday. This stress and everything. I feel like someone is after me. I feel like I'm going to die. Voices are screaming in my head right now. They wont stop or leave me alone. I feel like I'm in a horror game like something is about ready to pop out at me. I don't feel good. I'm happy that we finally have food and everything but the stress of my dad's place is getting to me. I need to move back in with my mom. I need to get out of here. I'm freaking out man.

Hi, Erti, I'm sorry you're having these problems there. I remember when you moved in, although not the date, time, etc.

I hope you'll have better luck at your mom's. ❤

Of the valley, have you talked to your kids about your illness and medication? My kids don't know the extent of my symptoms. My daughter questions why I'm slow. But really I'm scared or anxious. I don't know how to tell them without freaking them out or influencing their behavior. Help!

Mine is 8 so I have hope that she'll settle down in a couple years

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My kids have no idea. My son thinks I have depression but that's the extent of it. I'm freaked out about telling them. I'm a big wuss. I'm also afraid it will influence their behavior and I'm worried they will blame theirselves. You know how kids can be.

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I meant to add that my daughter asked me why I took so many pills. I told her about depression and she said "but your the happiest person I know". So I just let it go.

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sundaze

That's good, I don't think I'm happy. I'm too serious. They're in a need to know basis and so far they have enough information to get by. It's so unfair! Ugh!!! Telling won't solve anything so it doesn't matter.

I'm going to ask my psychiatrist to prescribe instant release Adderall.

Out of all the substances I've tried, I have the same lack of addiction to all substances regardless of strength or ability to induce euphoria so addiction concern shouldn't be an issue.

I'm so tired it's ridiculous. I feel like record on replay saying this.

I hope you're not going to give yourself heart failure from all these stimulants.

I'm serious too. I agree telling will not make anything any better. It's so hard to be a parent, throw in mental illness and it's nearly impossible to know if we're doing the right things.

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It doesn't increase my heart rate. THC does though.

No one seems to believe me though seems kind of hopeless.

No matter how high the stimulant dose is, my heart beat remains the same.

I'm not schizophrenic... Spirits of dead children talk to me. They chose me to talk to. They chose me to help them deal with their deaths and move on. They linger in the shadows but I hear them. They're scared. They need someone they can relate to. Older spirits scare them. They scare me too. They tell me there's danger... they tell me to run. I see heaven and I'm knocking on heavens door. There is a heaven apparently... They say there's a heaven. I can't believe it there's a heaven.... there's a heaven...

OK, but you don't have years worth of medical knowledge - you just don't. You are basing everything you know on your own body, and dismissing large repositories of medical experience. A lot of people die needlessly, by experimenting with drugs this way, and I'd rather that you not be one of them.

I know! Hugs!
It's sounds weird but it's good to know that I'm not alone. Thanks!

I'm not sure whether it was a good idea to have Shark Week earlier in the summer. But anything closer to September makes me depressed. The summer is almost gone. I can miss seasons and years, all just waiting for spring.

Angelique is right. It's not that simple.

They can cause damage to your whole circulatory system. It's not just a case of high BPM. I think the worst part is high blood pressure. I assure you there are consequences even if they might not seem apparent now.

For instance, they can cause structural damage to your heart, like you might end up with a faulty heart valve in 20 years time because of wear & tear of stimulant use.

It varies for all the stimulants but especially using relatively unknown RCs it's anybody's guess what the long term (or even short term!) effects will be.

Plus even though you say it doesn't increase your heart rate & you think you have some godly intolerance doesn't mean you couldn't overdose & end up with tachycardia or a dangerous arrhythmia or something. (I'm not doctor but I guess those are the likely candidates)

You think you are invincible but you are not. We all think so at that age but trust me, don't wait for something to go wrong before getting a wake up call... because it might be too late.

And we just lecture you because we care Tweakster.

PS - I'd imagine your prescribed ones at the correct dosages will have minimal impact, it's just all this stuff on top of it. You could be fine in the long run... but is it a risk worth taking?

I'm at a loss. I'm safe nowhere... not even in my dreams.

Half a bottle of wine because it's summer. Very nice outside 86 degrees or whatever Americans call it. Pool is Canadian freezing but I still like swimming in it xP