Roll Call 91!

I don't blame you. Can you refuse it?

I wouldn't want one either. What is it exactly?

My dog has been in and out at least 20 times today. She's a beagle so she walks around smelling the yard and then decides she's done and barks to come in. She's driving me crazy.

Means the police can pick me up and take me back to the hospital if I don't take my meds.

I have to sign it though in order for it to happen but worse, my mom can sign it if she's a legal guardian but I don't think she is and that I'm my own legal guardian. Also, if I can't think properly, someone related to me can sign it for me.

I have to make a legit excuse not to be on one and I think I can. I have clear insight to my condition and don't need a CTO at all because I've been compliant for the injection for 3 years.

When I'm in psychosis sure, I want to stop my meds but I never stopped the injection before or missed one shot.

They just said that because I said that I might stop the injection when I leave the hospital and shouldn't have said that. I wasn't in the right state of mind because I think that they are out to get me a little.

Ive been busy allll day today. Went to one on one with peer support today. Then group. Then back to one on one. Then to visit my dad on his break. Then the vape shop. Then visit my boyfriend on his break.

Really good day!!!

I was gone from 11am to 6pm!

That same black dude that went on about my hair asked me before group to ask my bf for 2grams. I was like "yea sure". But i was thinking like...thats my boyfriend. Im trying to protect his azz as it is from even doing that stuff. So i asked and he was like "no".

It's just what his name morphed into

I'm getting mcdonalds. Without the kids. I can't remember the last time I had it. I'll probably regret it but it will taste good lol.

I have nothing against weed as long as people can responsibly use it (recreation wise). Just like drinking. My bf doesnt use it responsibly. He does it so much and his depressive episodes flare up and he says really mean things to me when hes high. Almost abusive. Hes not the same when hes high. Which is why he goes to NA for it. Just like the reason i stopped drinking. I was a sloppy drunk. Id throw up everywhere n shii and like id curse and get angry. But i never ever drove.

I want to drink again tho. I almost bought some today. I was this close.

I hated mcds until i had their kids meals. Not that i havent as a kid but i grew out of them only to go back to them.

They are after me cuz I'm going to accept the really fat envelope of 1500 dollars in money for cigarettes they are coming they are coming. Said I would be sorry for calling this girl to lie and say that the woman was crying but I don't take threats very lightly.

No fear on Lexapro

The manias and the schizophrenias the paranoias and the depressions

Sorry just hospital craziness.. I need to leave now..

I dont like McDonalds because I am vegetarian and I used to get theri Big Mac with no meat and they still charged me the same for it without the meat as they would with the meat

And I complained about it once to the manager and they said there wasnt anything they could do about it

So I stopped going to McDonalds because they are a bunch of greedy bastards

It wasn't as good as I remembered. Bummer.

Whats up everyone? Going to bed?

I'm watching "my 600 lb life". I won't stay up after the episode that's on right now. I'm upset, they never brought the sweat pants back and now they lost a light pair of pants. I'll have to ask.for them tomorrow.

Still very jarred about the smoker who died.

I'm still up

Looks like I was a bit delusional when I was having a few drinks in Mexico. I told my mom that I wasn't feeling well mentally and told her that I blew all my money on drugs in the hospital when I spent it on candy, pop and cigarettes and food.

All drug tests came back negative so there's proof that I didn't do them but now I realize that I really have a disease of some sort and need help. Still don't want to go on a Community Treatment Order though only if I relapse in mental health again and I wont because I'm on so much frickn antipsychotics.

I have to tell my psychiatrist the truth but it seems like I get delusional and manipulative and I don't want to die I just feel like I've gotten so many second chances that I feel like I am invincible.

I guess I can't drink alcohol either because it just makes me delusional and I want to have a good life but my future seems dull when I look at it because of the anhedonia negative symptoms of schizophrenia.

What hell schizophrenia is eh? Psychosis is so scary that I don't even want to have a few drinks anymore because it seems to make it worse.

I just don't know how to organize my thoughts sometimes when I want to say things but I've had a good talk with some people out in the smoke pit looks like with the Lexapro I'm able to carry on a conversation better.

I just want to get better but I don't want diabetes or weight gain from the antipsychotics and I don't want to be in mind control from the SSRI's anymore and even though that might be a delusion, idk...

I can talk forever I don't want to bore anyone so I'll stop here just a lot is on my mind at the moment.

Meh might as well write more... I made a schedule for myself still in the process of learning skills for life and bettering myself as much as I can then the stimulant comes into the equation because it helps me with my life so much that without it I feel like I can't function. Since I'm not so tired, I guess I can and that the tiredness was mainly from withdrawal of the staggering amount and dosage of stimulants that I was using. Must have given me worse psychosis.

But I respond to antipsychotics so well that it seems like I'm completely fine it's a miracle. Only going to live to about 70-80 or more or less so it's not so bad to be on antipsychotics but didn't John Nash recover from it over years of realizing that the children in his hallucinations didn't get older?

The beautiful mind was given to me to watch during my first hospitalization of psychosis and depression having intense hallucinations but no one knew that it would last.

I took my meds again today and it immediately made me depressed. I hate it. When I don't take it I don't feel depressed. I feel paranoid and delusional, but I feel up and awake and oddly feeling good. But on the meds I feel depressed and I hurt myself.

Is that a court order for mental health treatment?

Where i live its called an Alternative Treatment Order or ATO.
You can argue against it, but you're likely to lose. You cannot refuse it once it's in place, but they do expire. They can be extended/renewed, however.
The best way to get rid of one is to not have any police contact, or psych hospitalizations. Easier said than done sometimes.
If that's what it is, I'm sorry that's happening.

Edit to add- you don't get arrested if you don't do something in the order, but they can put out a "pick up order" for police to take you to the hospital if you stop showing up for things.

I always get a mcchicken and a fry

lets see if I get any sleep tonight
So far I am not sleepy

Me neither and it's 7am :/ Oh well!

Hope you get some sleep Kori

*Willow*

Thanks Willow

I hope you get some sleep too!

Is anyone awake?