Roll Call 91!

I wish you weren't in pain. I agree with sp, if you want or need friends, try making new ones, and try volunteering.
:Hug:

These are the people i text on a daily basis. Not even HALF of my friends. So yes i have friends. But do they want to see me? No. Some of them live in another state too.

My problem is i was taught by this damn clinic to socialize as much as i can. So now i cant even be alone or self reliant. I DEPEND on others to make me happy. I want to do something all day everyday with someone. Im tired of that.

Getting to the point where i almost dont want to talk to ANYBODY.

I'm guna be honest with you guys. I haven't been taking my meds the past 3 days and I'll tell you why.
I was so tired and so unmotivated and I was getting depressed. I was falling asleep at work which was horribly embarrassing. I was sleeping till 1pm on my days off. I'd stopped going to the gym because I had no motivation. I was doing nothing on my days off.
The past three days have been fantastic. I've had so much energy and I feel like I've got myself back.
So! I have a back up plan. If things start to go wrong I take prns. If things don't improve I go back on meds. That's it, no arguing.
But I just had to try. They were sucking the life out of me

Sounds like your dose might need to be lowered? IDK for me they started at a higher dose when I was stabilized and I slowly tapered off with the doc......so now I'm on 7.5mg abilify which is like half what it should be for bipolar. I think going on and off like with prns is really bad in terms of developing treatment resistance at least that is what my pdoc told me. Good luck either way though.

I'd already tried different doses and different combinations, nothing changed. My cpn told me she just discharged someone who only uses prns (the same one I use) and is doing well. I guess people will have different opinions on it. Thank you for wishing me luck.

Good luck justme!

Thank you newtus!

I want to have a better life than this

Yeah I don't think any two psychs agree on anything----of course the biological basis or lack there of is likely different for everyone---at any rate hope it works out for you, keep us informed on your progress.

I agree sometimes no one agrees on anything! Thank you I really appreciate your support, I'll keep you guys informed

It sounds like you're talking about text buddies which are friends but not friends you actually see. A lot of people like to be able to text to pass the time. Maybe you need to build deeper friendships with people who have more free time----honestly for me texting doesn't fill my needs like actually seeing people. When I see people for two hours I'm usually good for a week without seeing that same person, we are typically caught up. The bf is an exception but that relationship is far closer. I wonder if you should give online dating another try?

Im really upset at myself for buying a bunch of junk food. Ate 3 things today and its already 1100 cals. Mousse, microwave dinner, and candy. Horrible.

At this rate with my non-discipline ill never lose weight. Geezuz.

I follow a few people on insta that are "bopo" aka body positive. One is morbidly obese tho. I dont want to ascribe to that.

Texting doesnt fulfill my needs either. If i saw anyone one day, then im good for another day by myself. I really need to see people at least every two days. Its gotten better over the past year but most of those people if not all i never see. The only person i see weekly is my mom and shes getting tired of seeing me once a week. Sad. But she is. I get to see my dad on his days off but thats only two consecutive days a week. I dont see anyone else, my texting buddies only got a little bit more of.

The first problem is, no one wants to talk on the phone. Second no one wants to see me. That marina girl...i used to be her best friend in high school. Third problem is, some people have significant others/kids by now. Which i dont, so they are always busy.

What im trying to say is, no one is available to hang out. I wonder if instead of online dating, i should focus on me. Honestly im really scared of online stuff like dating because im not really willing to meet up with random guys especially when i live in the middle of nowhere. I wont have a chance to meet anyone if i dont go out tho. I goto the same places all the time. Best buy, the clinic, vape shop, grocery store. Mostly those places. Ive made a bunch of friends in the past couple of years at the clinic (thats where i met my ex). He was a handful tho. Always depressed or psychotic or didnt want to be bothered (never texts/calls). I hate to be mean but im NOT in a position in my life right now where im constantly psychotic, depressed, etc. so i dont want to deal with people like that in real life. Im happy to be their friends, from the clinic, but thats it. I need someone stable to date.

Im rambling, but it all boils down to everyone is so damn busy.

Guys I cannot express how much I hate summer.. Being hot.. Sweating... Humidity. Like... Go AWAY!!! BRING ON THE ICE AGE

Is Kori actually banned?

Yeah its hard to find people who want to use the actual phone these days I agree. Here is my question though before you choose isolation as an option, which makes you feel better the way you are now when you are with people or the way you were back then when psychotic and alone?

I just think you need to work harder to find the right people who want to be around you. The way to do that is to make yourself desirable to other people----what have you got going for you? I mean its like when you write a dating profile what defines you, what do you enjoy doing whether on your own or with others. Vaping is a thing, tech is a thing, healthy eating is a thing, etc etc so when you find people you can talk vaping with like here its easy to go into why passionfruit plum is the best flavor and where you can source it from. Tech---maybe you can talk about the latest iPhone for two hours whatever it is you need to find people with common interests and frankly the online dating is one of the easiest ways I know to do that. I guess part of it is that I have social anxiety so online is always easiest for me but you could try speed dating or whatever way to meet people irl. I agree dating from the clinic probably isn't the best option but at the same time once people are stable they are just like everyone else.

I'm sorry that you're struggling so much Kori Do you mean away from PC, or away IRL? If you mean here, I hope you come back when you're ready. I like hearing from you, so I will miss you.

Take care

*Willow*

This is the best post so far. Yea when i met my ex i wasnt in a good place like he wasnt either but i slowly got better. Well more like faster. I was also skinnier back then and more desirable by guys. At least aesthetically.

I like myself now. How i am now. Being around people. I honestly dont want to go back to how i was but i feel like thats the only, maybe easy, option i have.

I never thought about online dating being a way to find people with similar ideas/interests. I thought it was just to find someone that looked good enought to date. I fear my area tho. A lot of the people on dating sites in my area are indian and im not into that. Not so much into black guys either cuz the ones ive come across look like thugs and i want to steer clear of that type. Not into the pants hanging low, rap-liking, ghetto culture. I may be half black but im def not ghetto. Wasnt raised tthat way.

Another problem is i have nothing going for me. School maybe but thats it. I barely do it. Not even so sure if i wanna be with someone else or get my heart broken but i DO need new friends.

Wishing you all the best Justme!

I've read on here about some pdocs saying that going off/on like PRNs will make you resistant, like Sometimes mentioned, but I've never been told that myself or talked to a pdoc professionally who ever said that, so idk? They obviously don't know one way or the other for sure. Anyway, I hope it works out for you, I really do. I know how much the side effects can suck

*Willow*

No
But somedays I wish I was

newtus i have no friends too. like i had my best friend move away earlier this year. i made a friend at my old job and we hang out somtimes but he developed a crush on me and i had to tell him it aint like that. now hes been ignoring me and IDK why. so im back to 0 friends

at least i have my boby

Kori- are you upset about the chat thing?

Sometimes when you're looking for a bf you can find friends, for example if they are too young or too old to date you might be able to have them as friends----set your settings to find both friends and more....

@junkDNA
I wasnt that upset at first
But then the chat thing got way bigger when I was singled out in chat for behavior that no one else got reprimanded for

I cant have conversations with myself, so I dont get why I was the only one who was warned