Roll Call 99

Well i had to take all my gabapentin tonight cuz i forgot to take a midday dose

I wish I didn't have to take this with food so then I could take it right before bed and sleep off all the sleepiness instead of being tired in the mid-to-late evening. I don't want to have an extra snack at the end of the night so I can have it before bed. I'm trying to avoid excessive snacking.

Maybe I can try having it in the morning with breakfast to see if I have the sleepiness. Maybe the sleepiness is just actually being tired instead of being a side effect. Let's see!

Maybe it might also help with some of this morning crazy I've been having (ie the self harming the other day and the delusional thoughts this morning).

Anyone else feel there life was ruined by meds?.

Ive been on meds since i was 12. The year i started taking antipsychotics when i was 17 or 16. I gained 80 pounds, was put in special ed and eventually an alternative school because the meds made me so lethargic and tired i started skipping school to sleep and be away from people (social anxiety). I feel like had i not been on them in high school, i wouldve had better scores and couldve taken the sat. Couldve gotten into a better school.

Yea sure schizoaffective didnt help but i feel like the meds were far more damaging. Along with the lies put into my head by the mental health system. Them telling me things like "youll never have a job. Youre disabled. Youre sick. You cant goto school".

Disability is a curse. No, not my sickness. The money. The money is great, i need it. Who doesnt. But because i get the max, if i get a job, ill lose it. Already been told that at the social security office.

I don't think I've been on meds long enough to really answer, but I dread the thought of having to be med dependant from this point forward

Hah, I ws just doing htat! I do 3 at a time for 20 minutes with very few mistakes. Thanks for asking

I can just as easily say that the illness ruined my life, or if I just had a different PDoc to begin with. I'm not one to dwell on the past anymore. I dwell on my current circumstance now lol I don't know what I'm going to do! derp. I'm trying to find hope.

Sorry Newtus. I'm in another boat. I feel like my life was saved by meds. I don't have it in me to be psychotic. It's exhausting on top of everything else.

i definitely feel like meds ruined my life too

i started meds at 16 and have since gained so much weight, and the career choice i want is mostly all about looks, so the weight gained is making it hard for me to get the jobs i want/need because i am fat

also, i have lost a lot of self confidence because of meds, lost a lot of friends because i was on meds (they usually get scared when they find out, or they get tired of me because i dont talk to them enough), overall, i just feel like **** all the time because of the meds

i feel like if i never took meds, then i might have been able to find better jobs because i wouldnt be so fat and i would be a lot more confident in myself

This is so true if it weren't for the illness we would not need these so primitive meds in the first place....my first pdoc was great and he wasn't a med pusher at all...That's why I'm on the lowest dose possible and got cbt too.

ive been on the same meds im on now for 4-5 years. same AP at least.

Im trying to think where did it go wrong.

Awesome, I just got up to two haha, sucks but better than one anyway.

So my son came in first at his meet and set a new course record!!! He was so proud of himself. His coach even came over to talk to me. I'm such a proud mama.

That's awesome valley

They are primitive meds. Someday meds might be like tuning forks, but today they are like a drunk man hitting every car on the way home. I mean, he might get home but look at how difficult it was and all the damage that might have happened. I wish pdocs knew what these meds actually felt like to live on.

Yea but how many people here and out in the world have been on meds since they were a child. The ones we are on now, since childhood?

I never got to know who i really was being medicated 24/7. I was lost all the way up until a year ago. Being in and out of different mental states due to meds.

Yea sure the meds helped a great deal but i cant help but feel ive been cheated out of a childhood, teens, and all of my 20s having medicine "practiced" on me. All my life, already.

No lying here, i bet im still lost.

But im just now finding out who i am and i feel like most of my interests and thoughts were shaped by, yes illness, but also the meds.

So not blaming the meds entirely in this post, but mostly.

I wont lie, ive been thinking a lot about philosophy. Im very sure my interest in philosophy was shaped largely by my mental state of psychosis and being on meds. Philosophy was the only thing (next to the bible and my religious beliefs) that helped me grasp sanity.

I wonder if i should take my plugs out of my ears tonight and sleep with naked earlobes. But im afraid my earlobes will rip if i do.

Problem is we've got genetically distinct illnesses, probably specific to each person but we're hitting it all with one basic dopamine blockade.....

yeah i feel that way too about the "illness" (which i am still having a hard time believing i have)

i feel like if i never had sz then i would, at least, be more independent, maybe have friends, have a license, maybe a boyfriend/girlfriend

Not trying to adamantly disagree with anyone. I see good points in everything.

Child psychiatry is tricky.....my gut instinct is that kids shouldn't receive meds at all for psych conditions but is that really fair? No it's not...
If you weren't on meds you'd likely be in special ed which is also limiting....

Plus there is that theory that the longer you're psychotic the more damage there is to your brain so early treatment is key......but most use low doses nowadays....

That's ok feels like a discussion on the philosophy of meds and sz

The utilitarian calculus involved in treating children with persistently evil mental illness is a game I wouldn't have the heart for. I was 30 and my brain was still plastic enough to have adverse long term reactions to these meds. That's crazy. Thank about what these meds do to a child's neural pathways? Sigh...

Yeah we aren't even allowed to drink until 21 because of what's going on in the brain but we can give people heavy duty psych meds....

I wonder if there is a correlation between taking ap's during your childhood and later in life ap's not working as well anymore.