Roll Call 99

They had me get my shot today. Idk why

Well, I took my meds a couple hours ago and didn't really get too sleepy. Nothing a cup of coffee didn't fix.

Might just take it in the morning from now on. It'll make me hold myself to having breakfast at the least lol. See how I sleep tonight might make all the difference.

Also - bonus no crazy this morning! See what evening brings though...

I got it on the 27th, they said I was supposed to get it on the 11th thats not 3 weeks is it? They insisted that it was..

I think i just gotta try and keep my head up. And try to power through these life issues.

3 credit hours

I hate that your posts on moderated I hardly ever get to see them

Demand that the moderation stooooppp.

Looking on the web view at my hugs.

Thank you @sometimespsychotic and @findingreason for the hugs.

I only looked back one page tho so thank you anyone else who gave me hugs

Just spent 45 min on the phone on hold with the internet company trying to get my internet up.

Its always down. But when its up its fast.

THEIR server was down, and we had tried to reset the router. Then their server came back up in the last 30 min so they decided to blame US for not powercycling the router correctly. Ugh telling us we need to reset the radio, as well.

Like, we flucking did that before we called you.

I need a hoodie too lol. I think I lost the one I had at the hospital.

its 3 credit hours which usually means you have 3X1 hour classes each week and you pay for that for the entire semester....not for one class....

I'm so hungry. Lunch should come soon. It's the most hearty meal of the day here because I can't eat when I first wakeup. Tomorrow I should try the hot cereal though.

Kill me now.
I just want to curl up in bed and not think about anything.

The stress since august has increased my migraines and anxiety severely. Ive barely been getting sleep and ive been having episodes, more and more. And they seem to be getting worse each time. They only last for a few hours at a time. But thats worse than before when they lasted only a few min.

I was talking to my friend last night and i started talking about aliens and just spilling my life story. Ive been yelling at the new guy every night about something new. Paranoid.

This isnt me.
But im just stressed out. And stress flares up my symptoms.

Just so you guys know, im not always looking for advice. Sometimes i am.

But it helps me a lot just to dump and vent on here about everything.

So i here i go with something else:

I havent showered in so long. I dont have time. I havent been to the store to get food. Idk how ive been able to eat random things and survive. Ramen here, candy there.

I'm similar to you SP. I can only get a loan for living costs as I have my LLB.

At the moment I have to pay £1285 a year for college (two years) and if I did go onto Uni for the final two years that'd be £1820 a year.

I would like to go to Uni if I have an aptitude for networking as that's the tie in course but I am restricted by financial costs. I mean I don't want to put myself in too much debt with course fees and loans for living costs.

In all likelihood I'll just do these two years at college and then look for a job in technical support. Networking pays better but hey...

I think i am gonna get the iPhone X. Preorder it and everything.

I know most of you wont agree with that. But i think i am gonna do it. And give my old iphone 7 plus to my dad.

I dont need it, yea. I just want it. Ive never been an android person. I like the simplicity of the iphones. Thats just my preference. Everyone has a preference.

Being over-medicated was worse for me than my symptoms. It was so bad I was basically just a zombie for a year and a half and the only pleasure I got was taking stimulants.

Since then I've become a lot more informed about meds and know what I can cope with so I feel now the balance is ok even on meds. Perfect? No, but infinitely better than in the past.

I view my meds as something short-medium term. I'll just see how long I stay stable and who knows maybe I'll be in a position to come off them altogether in the not to distant future.

Now! The next countdown is to october 27th! When i can preorder the iphone x.

Jesus we're already on page 80.

Holy crap i just noticed that.

I am starting to get extremely depressed.

*sigh* I have managed to scold myself twice in the last couple weeks with near boiling water, and spilled a glass of apple juice all over the place today thanks to these stupid unpredictable tremors...they're always present, but sometimes flare up worse.

Like, I REALLY do not want to try yet another medication like Cogentin. Maybe increase the dose of Propranolol to the 60mg a day as my pdoc suggested a while back.

I've always had tremors, long before I got on APs. The propranolol at a small dose took care of them. But once on APs, it's just gotten worse...especially since starting the Zyprexa.

You guys are great. You are awesome.

The problem is, the people i have in my real life...the few people i trust to talk to... When i have an issue like this stuff thats really major in my life, when i need to talk to the few people i can trust, they just dont have time. And when i dont have someone to talk to that i can trust is when my episodes start to become worse from stress.

The most important thing you all can know about me, is i NEED someone to talk to one on one about issues. I cannot keep this stuff in my head. Or its stuff like all this that ends me up in the hospital from stress and my episodes starting.

I believe in you Junk, you can do it...

Sorry everyone I'm an idiot when it comes to tuition fees and transferring to college etc I have no idea what I want to do and I just don't understand it.

Everyone is like "I'm going to (Random college that will accept you for money or grades or both??) when I finish high school". Like who's to say what college is better than another college or university? Shouldn't they all be equally good unless some professors are deemed as idiots by some measurement of social status on the internet or what? idk I finished high school and I'm not in college idk why no one told me what I have to do.

And when people explain it to me, I don't get it. Why must I go with the flow of society like this. I want to but it seems too robotic.

Meh whatever I seem to have a deficit in post secondary education understanding.

You'd be baffled at how intelligent I am in certain topics but I'm a complete idiot in this topic. Maybe I'm just really frustrated that my life is ruined or something because I wasn't able to go with "the flow" that everyone else was doing for having this illness and being in the damn hospital all the time.

Are you off moderation?