Roll Call 105

hey been awhile since i been here.. I hope everyone is good... I had a major break, coudlnt even look at people without hallucinating different versions of them.. it was wild. I am actually almost healed again and i hope this time its better and longer. that the thing, every time i been sick my episiodes get milder and my healthy time gets longer. anyways just wanted to check in..

I hate to toot my own horn or whatever...

But i hate my house. I absolutely hate it. On one hand its real cozy for a country home. But its WAY too small. My dad has so much in this house. His tools are scattered all in the living room. I hate bringing people over. Im embarrassed by my house. Im not even sure at this point if its a hoarding situation or if the house is just too dang small. We dont have enough closet space, the rooms arent big enough, we need another room, we need a garage, etc

The house is just way too small. Idk what to do to help my dad. We dont even have enough for our groceries. WE DONT EVEN HAVE A PANTRY.

I feel better today. I mentioned I took my meds this morning. My mood improved I’m happy about that.

Note to self: don’t be an asshole and don’t go off meds even if you don’t get paranoia or delusions you’ll still feel like **** off them.

I think I got a little lost just in the past few posts. But that's ok.

So, that guy who's been scritching at his face, he is expanding to lightly touching his tummy and then each nipple. And he goes on like that for a bit and then starts back in on his head. Also, his left hand keeps contorting and he tries to stop it but the only thing that works is forming a fist. This has gone from repulsiveness (for me) to something bad is really up. It might be a side effect of a new med they're giving him, but he definitely is getting in trouble here with OCD. Maybe I'll tell the social worker on Monday. I know what it's like when a new ritual is starting and if you don't nip it asap it can be impossible to be free from it. That's what I think anyway. He thinks he's in love with Calamity Jane who has been hanging out mostly with my roommate, and sometimes with Yosemite Sam. So, maybe this is involved somehow with his developing OCD. All I know is that I would have been so grateful if someone had intervened when I was a child undergoing this type of behavior. It ruined a lot of my life because it was never stopped and I could never stop it. I wish I had told the social worker already.

Hi, I'm not sure if I've seen you before? I'm glad to hear you're doing better right now. ️

To clarify, I did not have an issue identical to his, but an OCD ritual of my own which I've never been free of since.

Thanks. I dont think we met. I still have some problems but am getting thru them. What an illness. I was suicidal for a bit, but usually never am. I can always find the joy in life usually. I make jokes in hell. But this time i felt tired and weary. No biggie tho, im better now. Thanks again.

I cant get over this. I just cant. I feel very upset. About my house.

It's possible he's faking it though. There's no evidence that anything was really the matter with his foot. And he's twisted it himself and never gets out of his wheelchair. He could be trying to get SSDI or something. His mother may have been sent home - she was a resident in the building they're shutting down.

We were supposed to move into a 4000 sq ft house in my hometown but we moved here instead because my mom kicked my dad out of my childhood home (which she got in the divorce) and he couldnt get his retirement funds fast enough. So we ended up in this 1100 sq foot house.

It really churns in me sometimes a lot

am scared because the time of the way in other things that because they are another thing that makes someone scared

Anyone up

Heaven or an afterlife seems equally pointless. Like why? Living forever has no meaning. You come you go. Thats meaning for me...but equally I do understand that life is unbearably cruel for some people, who lost loved ones in trajic circumstances, develop terrible illnesses, and all the rest, that is sad alright...

I slept from 7:30pm-5am and I am I still tired! Maybe at 6am I will be able to go back to sleep until I need to wake up for an appointment at 12:30pm who knows!

u sure????

hi there materly. i agree with you. i dont believe in a god or any afterlife

i have 2 days off with nothing to do

Most people now dont believe in god. I believe in god.

Morning

I forgot i had an alarm on my phone. So im up early

That's a good thing....

I guess lol. But you know the saying.... Idle hands.......
Trying to get my only friend to come hang out

HE'S GONNA COME OVER!!!! YAY beans

Morning/Afternoon...

Slept reasonably last night. I always seem to sleep fairly well at my parents. My mood is still up and down though. Strangely I usually hear much less voices around other people, especially with family like last week at my sisters but I’m hearing them more at the moment even being with parents.

Bf is coming over today

We are going to meet my mom

Why? Your mom disapproves of everything you do. Don't let her ruin your new happiness.