Roll Call 105

Criteria for Major Depression in DSMV here.

All of my symptoms that do point to depression are caused by my lack of emotion. I find it strange to call it depression since I'm not depressed, I just... don't feel much of anything at all. I don't have a mood that is up or down. Technically it is depression, but it's weird to call it that, and even DocJohn had trouble labeling it that. My anhedonia isn't just about blunting pleasure, but also it extends to blunting sadness, because I can't feel sad. I'm just a walking zombie.

I tried therapy for 3 years and it only gave me a lot of grief. I don't think I want to give it another try. I don't want to go through another troubled therapist. They seemed more troubled than me.

Chemically my brain just won't function emotionally. Maybe ECT is the answer. It just kills me that the sign up for Obama care if RIGHT when my work cuts off and becomes completely stagnant. I can't pay the $150 a month with the $1500 deductible. I'm really jealous of those that have health insurance.

I go back and forth on my diagnosis all the time. What is certain is that I experienced depression (actual sadness and not anhedonia) along side with a severe paranoid delusion for a year until I finally was treated. If I went off my Geodon I might find out if I'm schizoaffective or bipolar with a mixed state but why in the world would I do that really? Maybe schizoaffective depression type. I don't really know.

I relate to the thread you linked. The depressionforum online on a different website has a huge study on anhedonia and it's really disheartening to see all these people stuck without emotions for years. They just don't recover, once it sets it that's it just about. There are VERY few people who have recovered from what I have.

I wonder what ETC really does to the brain.

It looks really scary and interesting.

I want to understand more about it. I'd love to be a neurologist.

Took this pic of the bf vaping

That's a cool pic lol


Sun is in the right place.

Took this pic of the bf vaping

Took this pic of the bf vaping

Ill start putting sex acts in trigger.

Seems like i have to trigger everything i say tho.

I shouldnt even have to put trigger warning around bugs in the first place. Its a freaking bug.

Everyone tells me to put triggers on everything i do

If it's just a bug, why post its picture?

I'm starting to like this guy haha. You should hang on to him newtus.

Lol. Why do you like him? Lol

And yes i am hanging on to him!

Been up 16 1/2hrs