Roll Call 112

Yesterday i showed bf a pic of my nephew playing with baby dolls. It turned into a debate because he said hes not gonna let his little boy (if he had one with me) play with barbies and girls toys because he doesnt want his boy to turn out gay because he would be upset. I got upset and started challenging him because i dont think a toddler or very young boy playing with barbies is gonna turn them gay. He doesnt think gay people are born gay. (I KINDA hold that belief too but then i kinda dont. Im on the fence on that because i dont understand it too well. All i know is i know god wouldnt approve).

Anyway, he talked about spanking our kids too. So after the heated discussion i said “so youre gonna beat our kids senseless and make sure they arent gay? What else are you gonna do?”. He took that as me saying he was gonna be a bad father. He said “i dont want to talk about this anymore. I dont like what you are insinuating and im starting to get angry”. And he got firm with me when he said that and i got really scared. I dont like when men (not even my dad) get firm with me or yell or anything. Im real scared of men even strangers passing me by. So i went to another room in my house. My room. And laid down. I got really scared. I got so scared it triggered something in me and i started to get anxious and paranoid. I started having an episode and started started tearing things off my wall. I was about to kick my wall in from anxiety.

An hour later i texted him from my room and asked him to bring me my meds. He did and i took them. But because they dont work immediately i kept having an episode and saying weird paranoid schizophrenic shyt about having demons in my body and i started praying on a rosary. I started saying sui stuff like “i dont belong in this world”. He was sitting at the edge of my bed the whole time telling me i was wrong and that people care about me. Then i kept saying stuff about our relationship and if hes serious about me and all this stuff about myself. Don’t remember exactly. Probably dont remember because i was having an episode. And he started crying real bad and said “i dont like hearing you say stuff like that about suicide and second-guessing my love for you. I dont want people to fear me. I wont get angry like that again. I was just being firm with you because the way you said all that stuff to me about beating our kids senseless. You could have worded it differently. My dad was beaten as a kid and homeless, and he was drunk when i was growing up and i told myself i wasnt ever going to be like how he was treated or how he treated me. I told myself since i was a boy i was gonna be a good father. Im sorry. I wont get angry with you again”. He thought i was breaking up with him again i think. Idk why. Idk why he always thinks im trying to break up with him???

He didnt yell at me or anything exactly but he got firm with me. But i also blame myself for how i talked to him. I dont respect people in general. But at the same time those things he was talking about (not the spanking. But not letting his son play with dolls because he will turn gay and hed be upset) made me kinda worried.

This is the first time something this major has happened between us. I strongly suspect more will happen since i can get kinda disrespectful with people especially when i dont agree with them.

Thoughts?

That’s a lot to absorb.
My son never played with dolls (even his sister’s). But he had bunches of stuffed animals. Including the pink bear I got him when we found out I was having a girl. He loved that thing and slept with it every night. My husband didn’t have any issues and I’m pretty sure it didn’t turn my son gay. He likes girls and no longer sleeps with his pink stuffie.
I believe people are born gay. I believe god approves since he made them.
I don’t believe dolls or other girl toys will turn a boy gay.
I also don’t agree with spanking or any type of corporal punishment. My husband was on the fence about spanking but we discussed our views and he came to my way of thinking. I won’t get into my feelings but I will say that this is definitely something you have to agree on.
It sounds to me like you hurt his feelings by talking about beating the kids senseless. And I’m glad he came to you a reassured you.

Hey guys. Busy day at work. I worked until 1 instead of 12 and I could have worked longer.
My car is completely frozen over. I can’t get into it. Between the rain, snow, and then plummeting temps it’s just an ice block. The streets are skating rinks I’m glad I don’t have anywhere I have to be for the next few days.

Yes i realized i hurt his feelings and i felt like crap when i realized it. I guess i dont seem to know how to respect people.

I agree with spanking tho. But i guess he was making jokes earlier in the day about it. And i tend to take things literally. I guess thats a schiz thing. But we agree on spanking. Just not fully on the other thing.

Hey guys. Busy day at work. I worked until 1 instead of 12 and I could have worked longer.
My car is completely frozen over. I can’t get into it. Between the rain, snow, and then plummeting temps it’s just an ice block. The streets are skating rinks I’m glad I don’t have anywhere I have to be for the next few days.

Don't you have to run the battery everyday or something? And defrost the windshield?

Don't you have to run the battery everyday or something? And defrost the windshield?

Generally you need to drive the car once a week to keep the battery charged although with modern electronics it can be twice a week. I use a solar trickle charger to keep my battery up if I can't drive it.

The defrost runs the AC which I think only needs to be done a couple of times a winter....not as sure on this as the battery one. Never had an issue.

Well....

Guess that girl didnt actually want to be my friend. She blocked me on fb. So i blocked her number after she said “youre my past”. And said something about my illness.

Thanks, good to know this stuff. One of the reasons I didn't get a car was not knowing what to do with it for winter.

Im questioning who i am as a person right now. Ive had so many people delete me from facebook in the past week. Maybe 8. More or less. Whats wrong with me? Is it who i am or how i come across. I know something is wrong tho. If im treating my own boyfriend like shyt im not a good person.

Didn't you just purge a lot of people yourself? I'm sure people do this for many reasons.....

Im questioning who i am as a person right now. Ive had so many people delete me from facebook in the past week. Maybe 8. More or less. Whats wrong with me? Is it who i am or how i come across. I know something is wrong tho. If im treating my own boyfriend like shyt im not a good person.

You have to run it at least once a month no matter what though, even if you disconnect the negative battery terminal....it just keeps the car like lubricated and stuff and even the tires will deflate if left sitting too long.

You can’t decide anything based on Facebook. People get delete crazy or have something happen that makes them go on lockdown. I deleted a ton of people when I got sick.
I don’t think you treated your bf like ****. I think you got caught up in the moment and said something you later regretted. We’ve all been there.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with you. I just think you hang too much of your worth on what other people think. Live your life and be happy. Screw everyone else.